Being feminine

I wear jeggings and somebody at my office I clean takes the micky.
It's just jealousy because of how gorgeous my legs are

 

Pretty much.
Society looks up more to being yourself than looking down on feminine behaviour, which becomes less of a problem as you get older.
People always find things to hate about others, whether you're masculine, soft-hearted, caring or a hard nut to crack.

I just quit caring and keeping up with everyone's opinions to "tune up" my personality after a while. Gets tiring after a while.

 

You really want the honest truth?

As a feminine guy myself, I will say it's definitely not easy. I posted topics myself on this issue (as some members most likely saw). Questioning if there was something wrong with me (I.E. Should I get a sex change?). Because in my life, I have noticed people (especially guys) don't like being around me because I'm not like them (masculine/macho). Heck, even my family does it to me, in a more passive aggressive way but still, it happens. So it really does feel like I'm on my own most of the time. Which at times, doesn't bother me but it does get lonely and it gets harder not to resent people the older I get.

In western society, it's expected for men to be masculine and not feminine. If you are feminine, you most likely will get looked down upon people who don't understand you (which could feel like many). You say you dress up in a masculine manner. That might help a bit (trust me, my style isn't masculine so I know).

As far as making friends, I wish I could give some advice but I don't have any myself and the ones I thought I had, weren't really my friends. The only advice I can give is try to stick with people who you feel aren't judgmental and are open minded. Usually, girls are more open minded than guys, at least that's what I've noticed so maybe start with them?

For relationships... Again, I'm 23 going on 24 and I've never once had a relationship. I know a big part of the reason is I'm feminine and most gay men aren't into that. This is where the whole "should I get a sex change" started to come up because I thought maybe I'd have better luck as a t-girl (I didn't want my who who removed)l. BUT, I'm not transgendered and realized it would be a mistake. So... Yeah, I feel for fem guys for relationships, it's DEFINITELY going to be harder to meet someone who won't mind. My only advice is that you should keep looking and maybe one day, you'll meet the right guy. That, or you could try faking your personality by pretending to be masculine. But I think the pretending isn't a good idea because eventually, the guy will see the real you and think you're horrible for lying about your real personality. But it's up to you.

In short, "Will guys like me have problem dating and making friends?"

Simple answer, YES. It may be a problem making some connections, especially here in the states. I know this sounds depressing but believe me, I've seen it and been living it. I wished that someone told me about the trials I'd no doubt receive because of who I am so I'd be more prepared so that's why I'm letting you know now.

BUT, all it takes is a few good people to make everything worthwhile. I'm sure you're a nice guy and you'll find some people who will like you for you. Please don't be deterred by my somewhat dark post. It's just stark reality but it doesn't mean it has to be bad. I'd like to believe there are open people in the states who wouldn't care whether you're feminine or not. You just need to keep looking, at least, that's what I tell myself.

Anyway, good luck. Life is not going to be easy, especially being a fem guy but it doesn't mean it has to suck. If you can find ways to keep busy and optimistic, it makes things go by much nicer. I wish you the best.

 

You shouldn't. It's hard for anyone to find really good friends that will stick with you through thick and thin but it's not impossible, you just have to keep searching and find the ones that don't give a crap about how you act or who you are or anything in between.

 

They do tend to have a tougher time in society, but I understand times are changing.

 

Pretty much what I was going to say. If someone is going to judge you, and hold that initial impression agaist you over what some see as a feminine mannerism, then do you really want to be friends with or date someone like that?

 

People will judge what doesn't fit their norm, a lot of people make normal way too much of a personal standard. I wrote a thread, "Literal Shout Outs", about how a neighbor called me a fag just because I dress like a girl, and really it didn't phase me in any way because I too have been bullied as a teen and learning from all that I've basically gone with the "kill them with kindness" method although killing sounds extreme lol you don't have to worry about dating and making new friends because you shouldn't let what people think and believe especially of you phase you as well.

 

Being feminine does not interfere with any of my friendships. There are even feminine straight guys that I've met. You can even make guy friends while being feminine. It also gives you an advantage and the ability to become friends with girls a lot easier.

 

Boy, is that true. I remember when I look back to my High School years, I was more effeminate also a little bit childlike. But then the school didn't like that and the staff would take away credits (something you earn to get a snack at the end of the day, and to go on field trips and such). Every time I whined, every time I became flamboyant, every time I acted like a woman or a child, etc. My "gay lisp" was even more noticeable at the time, not by much but was still more noticeable. I was punished for being me.

I don't care anymore. I'm working on going back to who I was. I'm working on fixing the damage done because being overly masculine, you know, the *flexes arms + deep voice* MANLY MAN, isn't me. I am effeminate, I am relatively childlike, and I will go back to that because I felt I was better that way. There's a difference between not growing up and having a different personality and I was in the latter before school screwed with me. Odd thing though, I was very similar in personality to one of the other students who was openly gay, however they didn't tell HIM to cram is personality, so why tell ME I can't be myself and let HIM be himself? It's hypocritical.

 

When you are confident strong and have a high self estem and love 4 yourself trust me no one can put you down and people will love you
Nothing sexy in a man more than confident and knowing who he is
Honey I live in a arabic country where if I just wore a red jacket then I'm gay
I wear pink I wear braclets tight jeans loud clothes femme walk diva eyes and people got used to me
At school many guys just want to talk to me I already have numbers thrown at me when I get on the bus
Guys can't stop flirting
4 guys so far have a crush on me
On the other hand assholes pick on me
Teachers don't like me
Old men say dirty rumors about me being the new slut in town
I get beaten up sometimes
Followed by some group. Of guys who if sometimes I don't avoid will beat the crap out of me
But I love mylife and everything in here every life has pros and cons

---------- Post added 8th Jan 2015 at 08:52 AM ----------

Be yourself and love it don't let them bring you down

 

I think it must be difficult as even within the gay community there is a prejudice against feminine behavior, residual homophobia. It your gay and relatively masculine there is a fear of being perceived as being feminine just for being gay, so you disassociate yourself from the twinks and the queens. Plus you're playing into a stereotype, however, you should be who you are to please yourself not anyone else otherwise why bother coming out at all.

 

just be you and be happy, thats all that matters sweetie

 

If they will dislike you for not being manly, they are not worth being your friend. =] But if you try to isolate yourself, because you fear rejection, you might miss out those who would like you. =)

Guys who are not that manly? I don't think so, I know a few people who are not very manly (according to others), but they have quite some friends. And dating goes like it goes for most people. =]

Isolating yourself would reduce the opportunities of meeting friends. Be proud of who you are, and go for it. (*hug*) :icon_bigg

 

I have sort of the opposite problem. I am very masculine in the way I look and act usually. To the point where it sometimes takes a few days for people to believe me when I tell them I am gay.

My problem is that I want to be more feminine, but somewhat fear that it will lead to discrimination of a kind or people even avoiding me. So somewhat the fears that OP has (if I interpreted correctly)

 

I'm sorry that you will face troubles in society, you don't deserve that but the world seems to still be immature with matters like this.

Feminine guys are adorable, and my guess is that you are kind and caring also. All the bad things you face make you a better person. Please don't think you need to change who you are because of what some bigots tell you