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question for EC's transgender users

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by kageshiro, Jan 2, 2015.

  1. Michael

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    To me being trans is just a phase I need to go through, not my identity. I never had a choice about my body, so it wasn't at the beginning or now anything to be proud of, or a flag or lyfestyle or anything political -even if I'm aware of the theories about it. To me it's a medical condition poorly understood, so I have 0 "transpride".
    That would be like "cancer patient pride"...

    I was male from the start, so I'll only talk about "my past" to someone who needs support, or among LGBT folk... Or that is what I think right now. I guess once you go stealth, everything changes, I guess that the pressure of fear (losing your job,etc) will make you think twice about any step you take. I still will try my best to help, but I'm not sure if I'd be as open about it as I am now. Also I'm sure I won't pass as good as someone who started younger, so I'll have to be extra careful with my words and actions.
     
  2. Ghosting

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    I tend to stick with names for introductions and such (like, "Hey, this is my friend ________.") and keep gender identifiers out of conversations unless asked or unless it becomes a topic of discussion.

    The issue of me being trans (the literal non-matching gender and sex and making it match business) is such a fundamental and basic thing about me that if necessary and the situation warrants it - legalese, doctors, people I am dating or interested in dating, friends, people who ask and are not a threat, etc - I will disclose, period.

    I can't help that I was born with whatever biology that I was born with and as much as I am at odds with it, it IS a part of me... as much as the transmasculinity is a part of me, too.

    I guess I embrace a bit of a weird philosophy because though I believe that it is healthy to begin anew and fresh, it is just as important to accept the past and not deny it. It doesn't need to be shouted from the rooftops or anything, but it shouldn't be something for me to hide, either, or feel like I have to hide when a time comes where disclosure would be a good idea.

    I'm not sure how well I verbalized my thoughts, but I hope that made sense.

    Edit: And no, I don't particularly feel 'pride', either.
     
    #22 Ghosting, Jan 3, 2015
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  3. Kaiser

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    Cancer patient pride... I feel terrible, because I laughed at that... but it was a brilliant point.

    As for the question, I'm on the fence.

    Ideally, I'd like to be perceived as, and called, a woman. But I don't pass as one, so that'd just leave people confused or baffled. So, I tolerate the male pronouns and assumptions. One day, though, I hope to get beyond that.

    Practically, I don't mind being called 'trans'. I want others who are going through something similar to know, hey, you aren't alone. I'm here, and others, and we endured through this. You can too. This is the primary reason I won't hide that part of me, because invisibility tends to leave folks feeling alone, because they see nobody like them.

    But at the same time, when you mention 'trans', it can leave people around you feeling uncomfortable. Some, sadly, no longer think of you as what you are, but what you were born as. So, I can understand folks not wanting to speak of this, or wanting to 'go stealth'.
     
  4. Raatox

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    As for "cancer pride", at least where I live there actually are something similar, not exactly pride, but an association that orginizes young persons with cancer. Not that they are proud of it in the same manner as lgb-pride, but they are there to visualize, to care, to fight and to say "fuck cancer".

    For me, trying to take some pride in beeing trans is a way to cope, to survive. I'm pretty sure I will not medically transition and to be able to live with myself I have to be able to like who I am and not be ashamed of telling others. I am who I am and I feel better when I try to like it, live it and be kind to myself, than when I try to pretend to be cis.
    But that's just me, I'm both a quite feminime guy and pass pretty well "In the mirror"(I can look at myself and see a guy) which makes it a whole lot easier.
    But I know there are tons of people who feel much better living as stealth and I completely understand and respect that.
     
  5. Kasey

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    My friend beat cancer and wears the "fuck cancer" emblem like a badge of honor.

    So there is something about being trans that you can be proud of and sticking up for fighting the system of gender discrimination.

    And again there are a lot of people who can't or choose not to medically transition. That does not make a person "less trans".
     
  6. lymanclark

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    Well, I'd PREFER just "male", but I don't mind "transgender" on here, seeing as there are a bunch of other guys in my position. In real life, I would love to be taken as just male - but then people would think I'm either 12 or trans anyway…
     
  7. jay777

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    I would disagree...
    as trans you have access to male and female thinking patterns.
    In other cultures, trans people were looked for as intermediaries, and go betweens.

    You probably have a feeling for how men and women tick.
    And trans people have often a very mature side.


    (*hug*)
     
    #27 jay777, Jan 3, 2015
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  8. Just Jess

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    There's two times I'll out myself.

    One is when someone is like hinting at things, like they've clocked me, and they just think it's the funniest thing in the world. And I will be like "yeah so what?" Kind of throw them off guard, because absolutely no one but them really cares.

    The other is when I'm around someone else that's gay or trans or just getting crap for being who they are. Or I guess three but it's really related, when people are just saying a bunch of dumb crap about folks like yours truly.

    Otherwise yeah, I mean, not just "a trans girl", but even "just a girl" is a little much. I'm doing this so I can live my life and be me, really me. Not so I can prove to the world I'm a woman. The world's learned what it can do with its opinions around me. With women, gender is way more on the table just day to day than it is for men, and that's a reality I kind of put up with. But I'm not just trans, or just a woman. I'm a human being.
     
  9. Skellington

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    I only identify myself as AFAB within very specific contexts (for example, this forum).
     
  10. Michael

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    If sex is on the. brain, and if you have a male identity, how can it be that you have access to female thinking patterns. All brains look like spaguetti. Unless we are talking of the effects of social conditioning, which in the case of trans lead to a bad case of permanent cognitive dissonance. The trans experience of gender is not the same as the cis person experience. You can't really get any profit. For most of us it's like living a nightmare, specially when puberty starts. I won't try to turn pretty what is not, and never was. My strenght comes from the hope I keep alive for a better future, not from a past that only gave me hell.

    I
    Yes, but we are living on "this" culture. I wouldn't want to be seen as a shaman or guru, or anything out of the ordinary. I just want to fix what is wrong.

    I wish, I really do, 'cause I've tried to walk on women's shoes for a long, long time. All that I've got from the experience were sore feet and headache. Someone said that women are not to be understood, but loved, and I just have to agree. Not everyone can understand women.
    Again, the "female" experience of a transman is lost, unless he is closer to feeling more gender neutral. It depends on his views about gender, about what feels good to him and what doesn't. You can't compare the "feminine side" of a cis man with the one of a trans man

    And again there is the question of the third sex, but I don't think that trans is the third sex - It's just a medical condition. You can be proud of not giving up, as a personal quality, but being proud of having a medical condition... That is something I just can't agree with. I respect every opinion, but that doesn't mean I agree with it.

    And you never "beat" a sickness : You are just lucky that there is first a treatement, second that you have access to it and third that your body responds to the treatement. This is what science says. About the rest, you can speculate all you like, and even start your own religion, but faith alone is not going to give you back your health.
     
    #30 Michael, Jan 4, 2015
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  11. Ronin

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    I identify as male and expect to be seen, treated and spoken to/about as such. Being transsexual isn't my identity, it's a medical problem I have. It's very much a big part of my life, especially right now as I'm transitioning and I'm not ashamed of what I'm going through at all. I actually like how diverse gender is, I think it's beautiful. Having said that, I'm not going to reveal my medical history to someone unless it makes a lot of sense to do so. I'm still aware that people can be stupid and hateful about this.
     
  12. Raatox

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    Vodkabaret: I don't really agree that beeing transgender is only a medical condition. And I think this is an interesting topic so I would like to share my opinion :slight_smile:

    A sickness is something that makes you sick. Beeing trangender does not neccessarily imply that you become sick. But it can cause various degrees of gender dysphoria wich often makes you sick.
    And gender dysphoria might be caused from things in your life, such as the body, how people treats you, what you have to wear etc. But If those things got away, you won't suffer from dysphoria anymore and you are therefore not sick. But you are still transgender (i e born in the opposite body)

    And a small hypothesis: Compare it to homosexuality; It is no illness, but a homosexual person who is forced to live as a heterosexual person might become mentally ill beccause of beeing forced to live against the persons nature and might suffer from some sexual dysphoria(just invented the term). Same thing with an introverted person who has to live as an extroverted, or... Well you get what I mean I hope... :wink:

    So I more agree with the way of thinking that says that beeing transgender isn't beeing sick, it's a way some people are wired. Gender dysphoria is however an illness that can, and should when needed, be treated by possible means.
    I do really think that makes a difference in how we see ourselves and the possibility of beeing proud etc.

    Just my thoughts (*hug*)
     
    #32 Raatox, Jan 4, 2015
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  13. Just Jess

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    I tend to agree with Raatox. It's not an illness or anything wrong with me.

    However, being trans comes with a lot of handicaps. That's whether or not you transition, medically socially or otherwise, or remain in the closet. Meaning, that there's things other people can take for granted, that let them get by day to day, that are a hurdle for me.

    There's the impact dysphoria has on my mental health if I don't treat it. That was the biggie for me, and treating this by itself has been so worth it. Another that I think people are sometimes nervous about discussing for fear of people saying this is "just a sex thing", is that I personally am sexually incompatible with anyone I want to date right now. Which is a huge obstacle if I try to find romance, and I've given up on dating 'till I get past my own problems completely. Being able to have an honest, meaningful relationship with another person for the first time in my life will be so wonderful when I am finally capable, and I think anyone that has this as one of their reasons for transitioning is "trans enough". Just for me it was a close second to the way being trans was interfering with my life directly.

    Since I did decide to treat my problems, I ended up with a new set, but it's one that I am much happier dealing with. I can be denied access to things like public restrooms unless I am very careful with my appearance, stuff like that. I'm glad I chose to deal with my problems, but the world isn't quite set up for people like me. So I'm very glad medicine allows me to get past my problems, and to do it with some dignity in a way that will mean one day I won't have to worry about this kind of thing.

    So yeah. I wouldn't call it a disease. But I definitely needed medical help in order to live life in a world where most people can take their gender for granted if I wanted to accomplish all my own life goals. I had to wait about 11 years longer than most people, but it was amazing at the age of 32 to finally be able to start my life.
     
  14. jay777

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    You misunderstood.
    A thinking pattern is an approach like more logic-rational or emotional.
    Its kind of like a tool in a toolbox.
    Of course you have a preference for one. But you might have an insight into both.
    At least I have.

    Well I would say its changing... holistic instead of mechanical approaches are more often used...
    and things like women's rights for example, which hopefully are more and more regarded, are spiritual values to me...


    (*hug*)
     
    #34 jay777, Jan 4, 2015
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  15. Michael

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    Jay, I apologize if I sounded too harsh. Every human being on this planet with a brain should agree with women's rights, 'cause it's human rights. The well being of everybody is a must, regardless of sex, race or political opinion. And money is green anyways, not pink or blue. I apologize again if my post sounded as if I was against women, I'm definitely not and never will be.

    This society is far from being perfect, and needs to change. The trouble with social changes is that they demand time and a lot of voices, a lot of noise and so on... -Don't want to talk about the sacrifices, or the ones who lost their own lives on the struggle...

    It's not going to happen tomorrow, that change we all dream of, and in the meantime we need to come to terms with whatever we have to deal with at the moment - A society where being trans is seen as being sick... Or worse. And between both, I prefer "sick".

    That doesn't mean you are morally responsible or that you have "a weakness". Jess resumed perfectly : Being trans is a part of our lives, 'cause after all at the end we are just human. We have our good and bad personality traits, they don't have always to do with our gender.

    If we have to compare it with homosexuality (which by the way I don't agree with Raatox, to me they are different kinds of "problems"). At first they considered them evil, then sick, and then later "it's the way they are". Maybe (just maybe) we are in the middle right now for the rest of the society "oh, they are sick". Maybe someday they'll end up saying "it's the way they are" -just like any civilizes person would say about homosexuals.

    Nobody likes to see themselves as sick, but if you look at the high suicide rate among trans, you must agree that medical attention is required to save lives, and if you are next to a doctor, you have a diagnosis and you need medical treatement to cope with it... I think it's the perfect definition for "sickness".

    Yes, I must cope with it somehow, but I'm not going to say I'm proud of it, ever.
    As Raatox saud, just my opinion. I must add, even if it looks pretty obvious, that I'm not precisely winning my own battle right now.
    The experience of gender is unique, 'cause every person is unique. It would be strange if we all agree on everything.
     
    #35 Michael, Jan 5, 2015
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  16. antibinary

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    Non binary trans* person here, I don't really consider myself trans as a see that as more MtF or FtM so I'd rather just be seen as who I am.
     
  17. Harp Grey

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    I see being trans as a VERY big part of my identity, the thoughts and experiences I had thanks to being transgender has shaped me very much. I didn't feel like this before, then I wanted to see myself as entirely male and feel like I was a part of the cis-men spectra of society. But I don't feel like a cis-guy at all. By omitting the "trans" from my transguy-identity would feel like I was pretending to be someone I'm not... pretending to be a cis-man. I have never been entirely male, I am not entirely male and I will never be entirely male. And I don't want to be entirely male! I don't wish I had been born male from beginning. I'm proud of being trans and I need to be completely true and honest to myself and be 100 % myself in order to be happy. I have never been as happy as when I embraced my transidentity.

    Background information: I'm always passing 100% male, I am finished with transitioning (as far as I want to go anyway, I still have female genitalia), I love every single inch of my body, and I feel like I have reach my goal. For me all of this was needed before I could embrace being trans and be happy that I am who I am.
     
  18. Ronin

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    When I say that being trans is a medical condition, to me it's the same way someone born intersex has a medical condition. I'm not sick, it's just I was born with the plumbing opposite to what my brain is. Transsexuality, so far, has been a measurable condition post-mortem. Also, something you treat with medical intervention is considered a medical condition I believe. This is just my perspective on the matter, I understand not everyone feels this way :slight_smile:
     
  19. TacobellKFC

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    Its just scary to me being trans...it just feels I will never truely be a woman and that really bothers me I have stayed up countless nights trying to do research seeing if I was crazy obsessed or just lying to my self...I know im not a man but it feels all the hrt and surgery couldn't change it...im still going to my therapist and hopefully i can at least be more content with my body....I hate this so much it feels im losing my mind
     
  20. Raatox

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    I can agree on that, completely. :slight_smile: