I'm sooooooo confused. I don't even know what to do, or ughh. I'M COMPLETELY STRAIGHT. Never have I ever thought about being with a girl, you know? romantically or sexually. I just don't like them. at all. I love men, but every time I think "I'm straight" this THING in my head just keeps going "you sure?" and no matter how much I say "YES, YES I'M SURE" it just... my brain does it again. It's become such a problem that everything I do, my brain goes "it's probably because you're gay" but I'm not???? I was scrolling through instagram, and I saw a picture of a guy I used to like and my heart skipped a beat, and then I noticed he was with a girl and my brain literally went "you probably stopped in that picture because you like her." BUT NO?! I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW SHE WAS THERE! but my brain is just... messing with me and my emotions... even my appetite. I CAN'T EAT. I'm so confused. Self-diagnosed, I thought that I had HOCD, but... then my brain went "what if you don't? what if you want to think this because you really are gay?" I know that I'm not ugh. how do i stop this? I want to cry, this is frustrating. I want to grow up, marry a man, have kids... live the life i've dreamt of ever since I was a little girl, but... I'm scared. what if I AM gay? I don't want to be. I like guys! I know I do. I can't go to a therapist, because I'd have to explain to my parents what's going on, and I don't want them to think that I like girls, because I don't! Everything I do or say regarding my anxiety, they just brush it off and tell me it's nothing, and that I'm being selfish, and that I need to stop thinking about myself and do something productive. What can I do??? please, please help me. I'm so scared. I don't like girls.
A common statement made by those who have HOCD (in general) start with statements like "What if..." It involves constant doubts in yourself, and constant checking to see if you're right or wrong. HOCD usually starts with a thought (ex. Image popped into your head). The thought makes you uncomfortable, and then comes the compulsion (doing something that makes the thought go away). As a likely HOCD sufferer, I can absolutely relate to you, 100%. I have never thought about dating a guy because, well I didn't see them that way! I always had crushes on girls, but I would stare at older men and eventually imagine having sex with them. This is what made me think I was gay. It didn't occur to me until this year when I broke up with my 1st girlfriend. Then I started questioning myself, like "What if it's because I'm gay? What if I was gay all this time and I never knew? Those with HOCD fear that they will become gay. Those who are actually gay fear how society will treat them when they come out of the closet, and how their life will change. As far as I know, those who are attracted to the same sex are aware of it. They know that they have feelings for the same sex. What they fear the most isn't becoming gay, it's fear of how they will be treated once they reveal to others that they are gay. I too had to explain to my parents that I was possibly gay/bisexual at the time. My parent's right off the bat assumed that I was just confused, but then I told them that I needed to get professional help, and my parents were more than willing to help me sort things out. You could explain to your parent's that your anxiety issues are severely affecting your life, and when you feel that you are ready, explain to them that you may have HOCD, and the only way to find out is to see a therapist. In the end, your parents will want the best for you, right?
Thank you so, so much for taking the time to read this and reply. I really appreciate it. For me, it started about 3 weeks ago. I was going through a pretty hard time because, you know, teenage girl problems... so my anxiety was pretty bad. Then it got even worse the next day when I had this dream in which, literally, the only thing that happened was that a (girl) friend of mine looked at me, and I looked away disgusted. It really doesn't mean anything! but THAT'S when it started. I woke up startled and thought "what if you're gay?" and, you know, I freaked out! I started thinking "what if the reason I was so emotional this whole week was because of that? What if I like her? What if that's why I dreamt about her?" It was horrifying. I started getting depressed because I really don't like girls at all! Then my anxiety got worse, and I stopped eating. It got so bad that I lost about 8 pounds, maybe more, in just a week. I was horrified at the thought of being gay, so much that I started avoiding doing stuff. I would avoid watching certain tv shows, reading about certain celebrities, looking at pictures... I was so scared that I was turning gay that I even thought "I should probably stop eating, and slowly but surely, anorexia will take me away and I won't have to live with this." I know that I'm straight! My thoughts are what's killing me. Knowing that it's HOCD kind of... helps, I guess.. It helps for a little while, but then the thoughts come back and I get all.. anxious. I do need to see a therapist and I know that, but I know my parents... they would never pay for something like that. Hopefully, I'll be able to live my life normally until I maybe move out? And start working and then... when I have enough money, get a therapist and work things out. But unfortunately, this might be until I'm like 18364 years old. I'm sorry I'm like... LETTING ALL MY FEELINGS OUT HERE, but I can't anywhere else. I can't tell anyone else. God, I just hope I can get through this. I thought I was strong, and that I could control my thoughts, feelings, and stuff. But here I am... with anxiety, some type of ocd, sad, anorexic... God. Your reply really helped! It really, really did. I don't want to cry anymore, so that's good! I think I can sleep now... haha. again, thank you.
I have OCD. Diagnosed at 5 years old. I think I am going through an HOCD thing too, except I don't fear that I am gay, I fear that I am aromantic. (No romantic attraction) I have had OCD spikes for 3 years very very similar to HOCD obsessions and thoughts. THe ONLY thing that has helped me in the past is getting at least ten hours of sleep a night, moderate exercises (walking, yoga, light biking), at least 2.5 liters of water a day, no drugs/stimulants, and a healthy diet rich in fruits/grains/potatos/veggies as well as a vitamin D supplement. Along with that talking to others is good. Expressing your thoughts and feelings to somebody you trust may help too. I still haven't got out of this aromantic OCD thing, I call it AOCD. So I'm here to talk if you need help.
It sounds like a classic case of HOCD. I think you should get professional help before it gets any worse. Just tell your parents you're having trouble with obsessive thoughts. I have obsessive thoughts about my sexual orientation as well. I'm not scared that I'm gay, I'm scared that I'm bisexual or asexual. Before my HOCD started I came out to my family. Luckily they can see through my HOCD, your parents will probably be able to as well.
If they refuse to take you to the doctor (which is BS, no matter what the cause), then talk to your school guidance counselor and see if they can help you at all. Also, talking to another adult (preferably family or clooose family friend) that is either gay and/or has anxiety might help, and possibly help them convince your parents that you need help.
thank you guys so much!! I'm going to try to talk to my parents about this, about how I've been feeling, and explain to them that I really do need help. I'm just really scared. (( but I have to, or else I'll just feel weird for like the rest of my life. is it normal to like, when you have this confusion, or whatever, in your mind, to feel less attracted to guys? I don't feel attracted to girls, but I'm not attracted to guys either. I don't know how to explain it, but... :////
I'm no expert on HOCD and I'm not trying to say I can diagnose you but many people who do have it seem to say the same thing -- that they don't feel attracted to the gender they used to. It's really not that you're not attracted to men - it's more that with your brain working overtime to analyze every little thing it's very hard to feel genuinely attracted to anybody. I really hope your parents are supportive and you get to see a professional.
Thank you! I'm trying to stay calm and work through it myself. I guess my plans of seeing a therapist when I can pay for it myself are still on foot. I told my parents about my anxiety problems during dinner and that I was basically scared of like everything, and they just said "it's because you're selfish. you need to stop thinking about yourself!" etc... *sigh* I really hope I can manage this on my own, because my parents are NOT paying for a therapist.
Yeah you're second post sounds identical to me. A lot of "what if" questions and constant checking. The thing with HOCD is that an answer will never be good enough for you. So for example, I experimented with an older man near my area and the whole experience didn't turn out very nice. I regret doing it, and by theory it should prove that I actually don't like guys, right? No. In fact, it didn't prove anything. I still have the sexual thoughts with men, and my fear is that I will act them out. It might have something to do with my excessive porn use. Hold onto the things that you know are true to yourself, like your past crushes. HOCD attacks things that we are unsure of, and as womaninamber describes, causes us to over analyze our attractions and what it could mean.
I'll like imagine kissing a girl, or imagine a girl naked and I don't feel anything! if anything, I can't help but cringe, press my lips together or move away as if it were happening, but for some reason, my brain grabs the "imagining kissing girls or girls naked" as "it's because you like them" even though ??? i literally just reacted the complete opposite. Whenever I start feeling anxious or depressed because I have no idea what is going on with me, I try to think about, how you said, past crushes. Like, I know that I am straight, but I can't help but think "what if I'm not?" When I was younger I saw this movie in which there was a girl who looked like a guy. All throughout the movie I thought it was a guy, and how cute he was, until the end, in which I realized it was a girl. I immediately stopped thinking about how cute "he" was, and was like "wow no, gross" and I literally didn't remember that until NOW. My brain is grabbing that-- the me thinking he was a guy-- and going "what if you knew all along that it was a girl? what if that's proof that you're gay?" but I LITERALLY THOUGHT IT WAS A GUY. and now it's freaking me out, because my MIND is saying things that give me anxiety! I'm trying to remain calm. I'm trying to relax, distract myself with other things...
I am the complete opposite of you. Straight girls are so foreign to me! Women are 10 times sexier then men :lol: just my preference. And they smell better too. Have cute moans. And dress so adorable. You're not gay you're a straight female continue your Hetero life I'll just watch in complete confusion. If you were a lesbian you would have to be butch right wait no that's a stereotype. Going a little off topic here. Have a good day! -Fem lesbian out.
