I am a girl in my younger 20's and have now been in love with the same girl for a year. We were both 'straight' when we first met. I am now starting to come out as bi. We became best friends instantly and I developed feelings for her. It freaked us both out, me never really being in love with a person before, and her, coming from a conservative family and not being used to gays at all, and we started distancing ourselves from one another. Neither of us had ever said anything to each other about the chemistry between us, but it was definitely there, and we both could sense it. She became so cold to me and it really hurt. Halloween night, I finally lost it and told her how I felt while we were fighting about how and why she had been so cold to me for several months. She didn't reciprocate. Later, she calmly told me she was sorry for what had been said on Halloween and that she "was glad i said something, but she really wasnt." Something extremely vague like that. I finally gave up on it, and started to move on and date other people, trying to get my mind off of her as much as possible. But a couple of weeks ago she texted me asking for a favor and wanted to come over. She sat at my house for awhile and we caught up with just like the old us. After she left I was so confused but I still didn't want to get caught up in the past and just still move on. But she kept finding any reason to text me for the next week after that, and eventually I was just so confused that I had to say something again. I asked her why she was doing what she was doing knowing that I had feelings for her. She sent me this long message and just said "sorry i just forgot about it all" and didn't say anything beside that, and hasn't text me since. I know she didn't forget. It was only a month before that everything had happened and she had deleted me on Facebook and everything after i told her how i felt and she got mad at me. So, anyway, I text her the other day and said we should try to get together sometime and she replied very warmly and said "ill let you know what my schedule looks like, but yes we should " I love this girl so much, I don't want to lose her, but I keep scaring her off I feel like. Maybe she doesn't have feelings for me, but in my heart I feel like she does. What should I do? If she does have feelings for me, will she make a move? Should I try to be friends with her or not? What should i do?
Well could you make some ground rules ? Like what you need in a partnership, and that you should talk about things that bother you openly ? (*hug*)
Don't worry about scaring her off. I feel like it's pretty obvious that she has feelings for you in some way or shape. And she keeps coming back, so she does care for you. But with her family situation, she isn't ready to act on her feelings, and she possibly never will. I would continue to be her friend if you can, but with no pre-conceived notions about your future, and don't treat your hanging out like courting or dating by being too touchy feely, even if you would act that way to a straight female friend for which you don't have feelings for. She will most likely blow any sort of touch or deep conversations out of proportion and over-compensate by distancing again. I have dated a woman (well, girl, we were like 17) who wasn't out to her mom really, and it was so awful. She would do exactly what she is doing, but becoming distance and fighting her feelings, etc. It may also be time to straight up say "I am bisexual. I find you romantically and sexually attractive. How exactly do you feel about me?" Let her know it's okay if she is questioning, or unsure, but let her know how her constant yo-yoing is making you feel and you really need to know if there is ANYthing there. And if not, then you can still be her friend but must try your best to get over your crush.
^^^ So don't try to make a move the next time i see her/ when i feel it may be a good time to add a catalyst? Or let her make the calls from now?
There's a chance I may see her in the next couple weeks to get together and drink. This will be the first time i have drank or hung out for an extended period of time with her since May. Any tips? Do I let her lead the way? Or do I try once more if I feel like the moment is right to make a move, and that way it's actually real to her, and not something that we keep tip toeing around now that is talked about in person, or caught up in the moment in person thanks for your help
well, first I would say is to not drink too much. keep your wits about you so you can be on top of your game. then, it seems like you have a big advantage on the communications side of things because of what you've already shared. and it does sounds like she is interested. I suggest telling her what you've told us. that you are still attracted to her, but you just don't want to scare her off because you treasure her friendship. good luck!
