1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

What really is romantic attraction?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by flamingpizza, Dec 27, 2014.

  1. flamingpizza

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 6, 2014
    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    North Carolina
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Hi! I was wondering about what romantic attraction can be considered and really what it is. I am pretty sure I'm a biromantic lesbian. Could it be considered biromantic if I am attracted to males by the face only, and I can imagine myself holding hands, cuddling, or kissing both genders? It's only facial attraction for males, I guess, like I said, and the farthest I could go with a male ever would be kissing. Is that biromanticism? Thanks!
     
  2. Lyana

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2014
    Messages:
    1,134
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    France
    I would say that sexual attraction is, well sexual. It might be the desire to have sexual intercourse with a person, or having sexual fantasies involving a certain gender.

    Romantic attraction, in my head, is all the non-sexual stuff. It's wanting to be close to someone and maybe seeing yourself falling in love with them. I'd say it's a desire for "intimacy" if that didn't also have sexual connotations. You're romantically attracted to someone if you can want a relationship with them, for example. I've been romantically attracted to all my crushes, but not necessarily sexually, especially not when I was in school.

    At the end of the day, it's your call. Go with what feels like it fits.
     
  3. I am Kakashi

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 11, 2014
    Messages:
    239
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Oklahoma
    If you would consider actually dating a man, but not having sex with him, then yeah, most people would probably call that biromantic lesbianism. Although I have never heard of a person being willing to kiss a gender but not go "all the way" with them. *shrug*
     
  4. MouseKeeper

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 1, 2014
    Messages:
    292
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Upstate, NY.
    While the first two are right, I'd like to point out that in the asexual community, you can have fantasies involving anything and still not desire to have those fantasies play out in real life, or if you have them play out in real life you don't experience sexual attraction, or it would be so low you could ignore it.

    So, the sexual fantasies don't really count as sexual attraction.

    Source: http://www.asexuality.org/home/general.html

    TO THE OP: Romantic attraction is the desire to have a romantic relationship with someone, including spending time with your partner, such as playing video games together, watching movies, cuddling on the couch, going out for dinner, etc.
     
    #4 MouseKeeper, Dec 30, 2014
    Last edited: Dec 30, 2014
  5. Fallingdown7

    Fallingdown7 Guest

    Personally, I think romantic orientation is a combination of wanting to be in a relationship with someone (and I mean actual attraction to them) and other general non-sexual things.

    An aromantic person could still be in relationships for the purpose of companionship or just wanting to get laid. A alloromantic person fantasizes about romantic relationships with said person.
     
  6. Lyana

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2014
    Messages:
    1,134
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    France
    True! I've actually spent a lot of time on that site, but I guess I was thinking about myself when trying to think what sexual attraction meant to me, and I made that mistake. Thank you for the clarification.
     
  7. Alais

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 18, 2014
    Messages:
    48
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    England
    I think it depends on how you define sexual as well. These terms are distinct but obviously related by the way in which we categorize our behaviour and thoughts into them.

    For me I can say that I have been in love with a man, not just platonically, but romantically. At the time I had desires to do things like hug and kiss, and as I had had lots of sexual fantasies about men I thought that was right too. But actually I realised that there was no substance or reality to my sexual desires about men when I got into the situation for them to become actual; not just with one person as that could indeed have been about them, but with more than one. A bit like has been commented before with those who identity as asexual, which I thought perhaps I was because I rapidly saw sexual things as more of something I did because of romantic feelings making me feel like it was 'something you do' or something they would like. I think I wasn't clear in myself that sexual and romantic were different.

    In retrospect and how I feel now I wouldn't want to have sexual relations with a man, and I don't think I would even want to kiss one, but possibly be attracted to personality? I might just like male company.

    I thought a personal explanation might help as we seem to have some similar thoughts on biromantic homosexuality. To conclude I think romantic love has a place in feeling connected to someone in a deep way, that for me in the past has had virtually no connection with physicality (either the looks of the person, or physical sexual relations). When it became apparent that these things had been important to my partner and were important, and I couldn't understand why because it did nothing for me, that was when I realised the separation of the two types of attraction and ultimately not being sexually attracted to men.

    An afterthought: interestingly since I have realised I am not physically attracted to men (although that is of course different from saying 'yes he's handsome), my romantic feelings have decreased, although not gone completely, whether this is social conditioning or misplaced platonic feelings from having mainly male friends I do not know.