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Bisexual or just a confused lesbian/straight woman?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Blueplanets, Dec 22, 2014.

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  1. Blueplanets

    Blueplanets
    Regular Member

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    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    I should begin by saying that I have very little experience in relationships and that in my cultural background claims that any woman who has sex before she is married is akin to a prostitute. Strangely enough I think lesbian sex is seen as intolerable in a "laughable" way but only as a child/ teenager.
    The minute you become a woman you need to stop that right away and "wake up" because then you are even more disgusting than "non-virgins".
    Straight sex however is seen as having serious consequences and is therefore more of an offense at all stages of life. I only started dating at the age of 19 and I am now 23. Only had two serious boyfriends. One long distance (the one I loved and with whom I never slept) and one for four months with a man where sex was involved.I never loved him.

    I only feel bad about the sexual experiences I've had with men because I didn't really love any of them. I sort of regret most of them.I did feel friendship and genuinely cared about the men I've dated.
    Most were wonderful people. It's not a man hate issue or disappointment with them. I just somehow lost interest as soon as they wanted sex or I was "done" getting my sex fill. To be honest I had to "learn to love" one of them to have sex. I've hated every single kiss from a man I've had to this day. Sex mostly happens when I am drunk. I think I genuinely fell in love with one of them but I wasn't attracted physically weirdly enough.

    I have plenty of male friends! I rarely find myself attracted to men. As soon as they touch me I feel a sort of disgust even if they are attractive. I thought I liked two men this year but as soon as they even hold my hand I feel repulsed. I immediately turn it into friendship...I'm starting to feel guilty because I am more mature now and see that I'm doing damage and it's unfair. It's like I fantasize about being with them romantically and the minute it is about to happen I flee.:eusa_doh:


    I have always felt more comfortable with women. I never thought much of it because it felt so natural, pleasant, and right. Girls are often quite affectionate with each other from the youngest age. I absolutely love women's bodies and it is only very recently that I realize there might be something sexual there. I also now realize that I've tried to have sex or kiss many of my female friends and find them sexually attractive. Someone pointed out to me that I never ever drew men in high school. I got embarrassed and quickly learned how to draw men thanks to that person. I just never really thought about drawing men as weird as it sounds.

    When I first started having feelings it was for a girl in elementary school. We would sneak kisses to each other and were "special friends". I then started to like boys around high school but never dated any. I guess feeling "warm" towards women is the closest description. I met someone in college and I knew I was starting to have feelings for her and it made me question my sexuality and "back-track".

    I feel regret but not shame for all the heterosexual relationships I've had because I never loved any of the men I did anything remotely sexual with.
    I don't feel that way about the same sex experiences I've had.
     
    #1 Blueplanets, Dec 22, 2014
  2. ImaJen

    ImaJen
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    Your situation seems like a difficult one to decipher, as the feelings you've described (particularly those towards men) could possibly have been influenced by your previous relationships. Obviously I only have a superficial view of your situation, so don't take my advice to the letter.

    It sounds like you are homosexual biromantic, where you are attracted to women in all ways but aren't sexually attracted to men but are willing to have relationships with them. Technically, this is what I am, and initially came out as bi to my friends until I realised that their view of bi was not this, so I have recently decided to identify as queer. This is just me speaking from experience, to give you some food for thought!
     
    #2 ImaJen, Dec 22, 2014
  3. YuriBunny

    YuriBunny
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    I'm an introvert; I live in my head.
    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    My guess is lesbian.
     
    #3 YuriBunny, Dec 22, 2014
  4. Winter

    Winter
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    Location:
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    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I don't believe that you should regret your past heterosexual experiences. At some point, you have to experience something, right? Personally, I haven't gone as far as sex with men, but I was close. When I was 16, I first came out as 'bisexual'. I dated 3 guys when I was in high school, all of them lasted for 2 weeks before I got so sick of having to kiss them. They were such empty kisses, I felt no butterflies, no excitement whatsoever. It felt like a nasty saliva exchange that seemed meaningless to me and that I rarely initiated. At 18, I 'came out' as homosexual.

    Homo-SEXUAL (gay/lesbian) is just that: sexually attracted to the same sex.
    Bisexual is sexually attracted to both sexes. It doesn't matter who you love or don't love.

    Imagine yourself getting married; being with that person for the rest of your life. Having sex with that person for the rest of your life. Sharing life experiences with that person... what would you prefer it to be? A man or woman? Or both?
     
    #4 Winter, Dec 22, 2014
  5. Blueplanets

    Blueplanets
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    Gender:
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    Gender Pronoun:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    I'm a lesbian then.
    It feels more in tune with my feelings, attraction, and thoughts.
     
    #5 Blueplanets, Dec 23, 2014
  6. shadowraptor

    shadowraptor
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    Don't stress yourself out too much about labels though. Just do what comes naturally, you don't need to worry too much about what category defines you. Be with who you feel you want to be with and don't make it a matter of sexuality, just of love. :slight_smile: (*hug*)
     
    #6 shadowraptor, Dec 23, 2014
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