This is becoming a common theme of mine, posting on here for relationship advice. This comes after yet another blow up with my boyfriend. Apparently I'm sensitive, after I reacted to a comment along the lines of "you have no friends... Go on name five friends". So a bit of background info.... I recently moved away from all my close friends, I never get chance to meet them as it's too far and expensive but I stay in contact regularly and meet every few months or so. So I guess I feel a bit lonely at times and I do miss them. What makes it even harder is the fact that I'm expected to go out with his friends all the time and do what he wants and pretend I'm having a good time. and when I suggested tonight that I was spending time with my friends on Christmas Eve he responded with "you have no friends". Now I'm probably being irrational and selfish. But I'd quite like to do things that I want to do every once in a while, I don't think it's too much to ask. This escalated quickly and now we're in separate rooms, not speaking and he's threatened me with "when February comes, you can move out and that's it". Wow. Talk about a screwed up head. I'm sorry for posting such a negative thread but I don't want to burden my friends or any one else with my stupid stories. Any advice would be great because right now, I have no clue what to do for the best. Merry Christmas guys!
Tbh it doesn't sound like a very healthy relationship :/. It's going to be awkward though if you guys are broken up and have to stay roommates because of a lease. But you definitely weren't overreacting, he sounds like a jerk.
Relationships involve a certain amount of balance. Usually, you will each have your own friends from before you met and then some number of friends that you make while together. Ideally, the friends you each bring to relationship will become the friends of the other partner (and sometimes each other), although that isn't always a given. Regardless, it's quite normal for you to continue to see friends that you had from before the relationship. It is unfair for your BF to expect you to only do things he wants to do, while never doing anything you want to do. In some cases this would be things you both enjoy, in others one of you is perhaps going to do a certain amount of just tolerating things for the love of your partner. In some cases it means you go and do things by yourselves (you aren't joined at the hip after all). But it needs to be a two way street. If he really thinks that it should always just be his way, he's very immature. And you're not being either irrational or selfish. I would suggest that you give it some time for you both to cool off and then try to sit down and have a serious talk with him. Tell him how you feel, and that you have friends and that you will be spending time with them. Tell him that the two of you need to work out how to both be considerate of each other and find balance when it comes to activities and socializing and such. And then work on the process of negotiating exactly what that looks like. If he's not willing to engage in that kind of activity or compromise with you...it may actually be best for you to move out and move on come February (or before). Hope this helps, Todd
Your boyfriend doesn't own you and you absolutely have the right to hang out with your friends. If he's willing to insult you to try and keep you to himself, I'm afraid there's really nothing to do but split. Unfortunately it doesn't sound like he gives a damn about your feelings at all.
It does seem that your relationship is indeed going through a few rough patches, and hopefully it'll smooth out soon. Perhaps he has a worry or two on his mind that he is finding hard to say? Could it be that he's unintentionally testing your love and its strength? Some people take their frustrations out on the person they care deepest for, though it's unclear why. I'm sure all members here hope it all works out ok for you two. Anyhow, happy Christmas you you both.
Thanks for all the feedback guys! I definitely do think we need to sit down and have a chat. Although we tried that once before and I started questioning myself "am I being unreasonable here" or is it just him making me feel like I am. Fair enough we both have our own stresses. He's worried about his job security in the new year and I'm permanently tired due to working long hours during the week. So I guess that doesn't help matters. I'm just an easy going guy and arguments on a weekly basis are the last thing I want really no matter how big or small. This morning he apologised. I put my foot down and decided I wouldn't say sorry for the argument, which he accepted and we've 'moved on' but I still feel some sort of hostility after last night's latest episode. I'm not going home for Christmas. We decided a while back that we would spend it together. So I'm guessing were gonna have to make a go of it and see whether the rough patch smoothes itself out. All I'm saying is, who knows what the new year will bring.
It also matters if you feel like you've been distancing yourself from him emotionally due to all the stress and conflict. If all of this has been pushing your or him away emotionally, you need to be aware of it and act accordingly. Sometimes we cling on for too long when we know that our love is beyond reparation deep down. Not saying it is in your case, by no means! But it's something to consider.
He sounds highly narcissistic, unfortunately I've just felt with a narcissistic friend lately and I can tell you first hand that it's hard and it's not your fault.
