My Str8 friend... or not so straight? Help! (another one of those posts...sorry)

Tiny update . Me and this guy went grocery shopping the other night , he got in the car, and was happy to see me, he then remembered something and said he'd be back in a second... He went inside and brought out a gift, he'd given me a remote control selfie stick... Now this was unexpected and super cute of him... He knows I like my selfies.. I send him one everytime I take one .lol. Nice little suprise . We then proceeded to the store. Once we got there, we sat in the car catching up, before we came out ... Just generally about how he's been and how ive been.

As we got out, I'm still injured slightly so I've been walkin with a limp, he made the comment ' wow you look like you've been f*cked hard In that a**' we laughed and that was it.. He then turned and visually admired my outfit, looking me up and down and smiling . We went in , and he carried the basket.... Which always makes me smile, because he always does.lol. He kept turning round and randomly playing with my hair, and squeezing my arms... And rubbing my cheeks, he hadn't seen me in a week and half, so it was quite evident he had missed me.

He continued the random touches, and compared every item I picked up to something gay, 'that donut looks like an ass, that's why u like it huh'...he joked.. Then we went to the electrics section and he wanted a small shaver, then referred to my brows and asked what I do to them, (mine are groomed) he stopped and stared in my eyes and kept lookin up at my brows , honestly it was so intimate and cute. But in public so I broke the contact. As it got weird, he explained he wants groomed brows but can't understand why places charge more for males than females, he also said he wants to get a manicure and pedicure one day, but he has to go with a female so that it looks 'normal' ... I just brushed that comment off.

We continued to mess around in the store , getting a lot of looks from some people who seemed quite homophobic to be honest, because as I'm told by everyone we look and act like a couple . He stops me and tells me to feel things on his face that feel 'weird' or to take something out his hair.... It happens so often though I can't help but think he just wants to be touched. In the fruit aisle I just stood infront of him staring whilst I lent against a fruit stand .. And he walked over to me licking his lips... And started doing these little 'air punches' towards my chest. I tell u the flirting was intense. It was a good night .

We finished and on the way home, he was just dancing in the car , an throwing his arms all over me, our knees we leaning on eachother the whole time! And I'll be honest with you! I certainly felt confident enough to try and kiss him once we parked !

As we approached his house he told me his next upcoming days off in which he wants to go for a meal with me, he then joked 'but it's not a date' and started laughing , I just smiled and laughed it off. We've been out sooo many times together to eat and to the movies etc, and this one time after we've had such a intimate time together he feels the need to remark that 'it's not a date' although he laughed .. It was still a little weird for me

Anywhoooo... Once we got to his. We parked up as usual. Spoke for a little while... And then he lent back in the car seat looked at me and said, "well I better get going" ...
HONESTLY.,, I was sooooo tempted to kiss him . But I couldn't work up the courage. So we grabbed hands, Made some exit small talk .. And then after about 2minutes he left..

When I got home , he messaged me... Just telling me about a movie he thinks looks good and sent me the trailer ... We continued texting the next morning . Even when he he got to work .. Since then.. I kind of Havent heard from him.. Granted ints only been a day and a half, i but I've noticed a trend with him. The more intimate we get with eachother, he tends to withdraw a little from the text communication for the following couple of days.

After that we are back to normal.

That's all so far though, sorry that I haven't got anything extra juicy, but I just wanted to keep everybody who is interested , up to date on the happenings ! X

---------- Post added 4th Apr 2015 at 06:33 PM ----------

Oh another thing to add, somebody has told my mother that I have a 'hunky tattooed boyfriend'... She questioned me about it, I told her , he's just my friend.
She asked 'why did the person think it was your boyfriend , were u holding hands ?'

I just replied I have no idea why they thought that... My mother suspects I'm gay, but I never confirm, I don't mind her assuming , but unless I'm happy and Settled with someone , I don't feel the need to tell her'

Just interesting that someone made that assumption.. And took it to my mother. Rather out of line. But who cares. They saw the chemistry. So im happy (!)

 

Soooo.... He has been ignoring me. Ever since the night in the car. Things are weird. He does this sometimes after we get a little close, withdraws for the next couple of days. Now I'm usually fine with it , because he comes back with an apology or some 'valid sounding' excuse... But now seriously this is too much. It's been 8 days... I feel heartbroken because I'm so confused, and somebody I've grown so close to , has decided to just avoid and ignore me without any reason. It hurts like hell.


Initially I thought something was wrong with him, so I txt a few times and called twice, no response .
We had unconfirmed dinner plans and we also go to the gym together ..... That along with the fact that he is like my best friend, I had plenty of reason to worry and try and reach out. I mean we txt EVERYDAY.....

So I got worried, and thought maybe something had happened to him, then I saw him online on his PS4.... So messaged him, and got no response. Next thing I see he changes his privacy settings. So I can still message via PS4 , but can't see what he's doing or been doing on PS4... Which is pretty irrelevant as its either a game or Netflix, I'm not concerned.

Any who.... I've been injured and only recently returned to work... So I decided to pass by his job.. I saw him. He acknowledge me and gave a a little nod.... I stood there outside ... Which always means when he's finished with his customer, he'll come out and talk.... Now things looked complicated with the sale.. And it seemed to not work out.. I saw the customers leave.. then my guy.. Took up a box and some paper work and went out back ... I waited for 15mins.. He never returned. I txt asking if he wanted me to leave.. No response.. So I left... Now I hate to jump to conclusions but it feels so personal , I know ANYTHING could be wrong . But I'm honestly taking this to heart, like its me only he is avoiding I jus don't know .


Later on... When I finished.. I was on my way to my car... Saw his store was empty . So I went in and spoke to another guy I know..asked for my guy .. He said he's out back on the phone ..and he'll get him for me.. I said ok thanks.. "Tell him it's important"

He came back and said ... My guy said he knows it's not important, stop lying and he'll call me later ...

I said no it really is... The dude went back with this message and returned explaining my guy said 'no he knows it isn't and he will call me soon'

That was that... This was yesterday... Haven't heard from him. I got a drop call from a withheld number later that evening. But that makes no sense

I can't figure out what I've done.... and I'm blaming myself . I'm So stuck on this.
More than anything we are friends... Yes there's all the romance stuff from the last time we saw eachother... He gave me a gift we flirted.. But seriously ? Why just disappear no explanation.

I've considered his phone being broken.. But it rings.. So not.
I've considered a family issue... But why not quickly fell me... I was in your store?

It's so odd.. And I'm freakin out about it. I feel like he'll never speak to me again.

Quick side bar-
So yesterday just as a little petty action. I made my PS4 setting private too... Then upon returning home I noticed... He made his public again... It's so strange.

I just don't know ..we've become so close.. It's been over a year . For it to just be over , no warning. No explaining.. Is so weird. I don't know if I'm overreacting here. Jeeze, guys can be strange.
Any advice? And please note! I'm super fragile lol

 

Thanks all ! Great advice from all of you... I appreciate it ! Xxx

---------- Post added 10th Apr 2015 at 02:51 PM ----------

I will keep you posted

 

****UPDATE*****

So he's come back to me... And I kind of don't know how to take this.
So my last message to him, explained him shutting me out like this is very cold, leaving me up in the air with no explanation.

He come back and said
' I made him feel uncomfortable , so he needed a time out , I'm your friend and you made me feel uncomfortable saying what you did, I've said something along those lines before, but it didn't sink in, it can make me feel uncomfortable and ruin the friendship'

Now he's reffering to a message I sent the last time we spoke , telling him he looked good when I saw him and I wish he'd stop looking so good.. Because I struggle'

Now I didn't even mention this, because never in a million years would I have thought it was that . I've said things so much worse . I've told him how 'juicy his pecs looked and I wanted to squeeze them' ... He laughed and called me blind and said he needs to get back in the gym, as they're just tits right now.. I tell him how beautiful he is on a daily basis ... Seriously. He loves it. And always responded by being shy , cute and modest ... And always smiled. Even the last day I saw him, I told him to his face how good he looked ... Then re-iterated by txt the next day. And that has what's got him distant , he explained .

The only time he has ever EVER said something was inappropriate , was the time I said I could see his testicle dropping out... And then the next day went on to talk about his circumcised penis.... Errr hypocrit much?

The thing that gets me, is he has also said, he has avoided everybody, and responded to nobody, hasn't been out the house in two weeks except to work, he's only spoken to his sisters fiancé who he has been playin PS4 with. - I gathered all of this to be honest, because I understand his brain.

So I'm now lost, because I still 100% believe he is gay... And totally into me ,
And maybe blaming his conflicted feelings on me, as that comment I made about him looking good.. Doesn't stand anywhere near the flirty things we have both said and done in the past!!!!!!! .... Can't erase the gay ass history of shit he's said and done. And know I'm not mistaken. This guy has some serious issues.

He has said he's ready to start working out at the gym again tonight if I wanna go with him .

---------- Post added 13th Apr 2015 at 09:33 AM ----------

And let's not forget the little 'coming out ' convo I just had.
Where he advised me.. To come out now rather than later. As he knows from experience , the longer you wait, the harder it will be, erm HELLO. Confession much?
I just can't. Sorry.. I'm a little worked up.

 

Maybe updated too early in the day for my regulars lol ... I know the jist of every bodies Advice will be to back off and leave him alone now I'm guessin.... :-(

 

It's just silly though, because like I said, this was the baby of all comments. I've said worse. He has also said more inappropriate things. It's all so random and one sided. He's good playing up into all the gay stuff until he's not. I just feel like he's pointing a finger at me, when he's battling his own demons.

I don't actually think I've done anything wrong . I've been consistent . He is the one with the mood swings and the random reactions and withdrawals to everyone . He said he needed a time out, refused to speak to anybody .... I mean really? If that isn't somebody with some serious issues then I don't know what is! . Point is I refuse to feel like the bad guy in this situation. And I will lay off from now, but the last time this happened and I stopped being All over him, he had a problem , and asked why am I being different ? I said because you called me innapriopate , and he said 'don't worry about it, just be yourself'

My mind aches ...

 

Thank you Cesar!!!!!!! I knew we'd be on the same page! I've been waiting for you! Lol.

I totally get what your saying ! I mean blaming me was such a ridiculous thing when I KNOW worse has been said and done! So I know he was looking for the fastest excuse . Thanks!

Surprisingly enough he's exactly back to normal, texting me everyday ! It's creepy because it's As if nothing had happened, I was so tempted to be mad at him, but I understand what he's going through so I'm trying not to be. I do wanna make him understand the shutout part was a little harsh as a 'friend' but I won't get on his case about him saying I made him uncomfortable, because it's clear it's HIS issue , not mine.

We'll see how it goes and I will keep you all posts (*hug*)

 

Hey Blue ....
Thanks, it is very frustrating , because I have to keep constantly reflecting on my behaviour and asking my self... Hmm did I really go too far. The paranoia mounts, but I quickly snap back and realise, this is HIS issue . A lot of the times (more recently) he's the one making all the convos gay...doing all the intimate touching , I'm very careful, because I know I am the openly gay one... And it wouldn't be right for me to abuse our friendship like that... But he has no problem doing that, so I go along with it. Because i always thinks we mutually know this is more than your average friendship, but it's just waiting for him to be ready and comfortable owning that.

But yeah! I think my level of patience has definitely been tried and tested throughout this. And as long as I'm not hurt too much, I will keep on until I'm all tried out! Because I truly do love this guy :icon_redf :bang:

 

Hey all! it's been a little while ...thought I'd update you guys.


Sorry this will be a lonnnnnnng one..I have so much to get though ! Bare with me and read and respond if u can xxx

So after his little dissappearing act ...
For the couple of weeks I was really annoyed with him.. And I wasn't taking his crappy behaviour lightly , so we ended up having a few little small disagreements .
Over silly small trivial things.... things I challenge that I wouldn't normally . And we ended up just goin back and forth via message debating ... But we made up super quick . By just continuing on with normal convo as if nothing had ever happened. Which was cool.

I wasn't seeing him often as I wasn't going to the gym because of an injury but we kept in contact everyday via text , he also invited me to the movies (but with a friend) and I declined. Gradually I began to hang out in his store a couple of days, based on his invite... I started making sure I looked better then ever when I saw him , and I changed my attitude towards him. So instead of acting like a love sick teenage girl. I tried to portray a more confident me. That didn't pay him that much attention message wise or physically.

This meant when he text, I'd ignore it for up up to an hour which is never usually the case ( I usually reply within minutes) and the effect this had was literally on the hour I'd get a follow up txt from him... Granted about something completely different. But another message none the less. And I kept it up. And he kept up the double texting, sounds really 'teenage girl' of me.. But I liked the feeling I guess.

Also every little thing I do now, he says I'm such a gay diva.
it seems like light humour at times but there sometimes seems to be a tiny bit of hostility when he says it.. As if he's mad. But it's weird because it's never something public or embarrassing , when we're in public he makes an effort to talk about me being gay and seems to want everyone to know. He speaks so loudly of it. Makes jokes and I do laugh most of the times.

However when we are with his friend. It's a little different. So a lot of the times we go to the gym and it's just the two of us. It's kool. But sometimes his friend is there and naturally I'm a little more reserved and keep myself to myself. My guy decides to mention guys I may be interested in at the gym... BUT he only does this with his friend, as his friend had previously called me out for 'staring at a guy' when it's just me and him.. He doesn't like to hear about guys I think are cute.,, he shrugs it off with a 'I don't wanna hear it' look on his face... But with a friend... He can laugh and joke about it...

So anywho,, he made a joke about me wanted to touch a guys hair at the gym... I didn't laugh... He said 'what's the matter, why are you such a serious gay? U should be a funny gay, like ....." Then he started listing out numerous gay comedians ... His friend was like 'how can u expect him to laugh at his own expense... And also why do you know so many gay comedians?'

My guy loudly responded 'BECAUSE THEY'RE ON TV!'
Fairly defensively ... I just smiled... After the gym..
We all walked back to the cars and I saw a guy who looks like a character on TV... "ahh he's Ben"

My guy responded.. " how do you know that!"
I said huh?
" he said you can't tell he's bent just by looking at him, you just think everybody is gay"
I replied... ' I called him Ben, not bent'
He said ' oh my bad'
Then he turned to his friend and told him how I think everybody is gay and that I can tell, he was like... How can u tell if someone is gay,

His friend replied gay people have an aura..
Then my guy said in reference to me ' oh yeah you have gaydar right , u can tell these things, I bet there are a lot of undercovers in the area and u if you go to a gay club you can see them all'

I just smiled..
His friend then started to list the type of gays..
He said... You get the really camp ones, the really feminine fairies.... After each my guy laughed and made comments.. Until his friend said "and then you get the guys who act ridiculously masculine and you think , they are trying to cover something up' at this point my guy was silent and made no comment... And the subject quickly turned to lesbians.

Anywho...we all said goodnight and me and my guy had plans to go the movies the night after so we discussed that a little and that was it.

The day of movie night we was texting and I said I was gonna send him a photo to see if my legs looked small..he said ' oh lord I don't wanna see' with a smiley face..
I still sent it and in his response he just changed the subject... Talkin about" once upon a time" which I recently made him start to watch..
He messages all day long about it, yet tells me he's only watching for Regina- (one of the female characters).. I call bullshit though as he clearly just likes the show. .

On the way to the movie he randomly brought up the fact that he didn't look at the photo I sent him... I called him a liar..
He said I didn't, I don't wanna see random photos of u in ur boxers with ur legs out! Lol
Clearly looked.. And such a hyproct it considering he sent me a video in bed in his boxers ..of just his legs in the air.. And one of him using the bathroom .. With his boxers at his ankles ...

Anywho (sorry this is getting long)

movie night.. We went to the theatre. We order the tickets at the desk together to save hassle but buy and order any snacks separately .
I ordered a large soda, and the theatre attendant gave us two straws. Me and my guy looked at eachother and smiled, then he went ' wow , he totally thinks this is a date, what a way to stereotype ' then he laughed and flicked the second straw a way, saying as he chuckled.. 'This ain't no date' I made a few jokes saying, he probably thinks ur lucky to have me... And he smiled and called me an idiot.

I made sure during the movie that I set my screensaver to a seductive photo of me in my underwear.. And he kept looking at it through the side of his eye... Also kept trying to read my messages lol.

I guess after that... We just watched the movie... Then went back to his and sat in the car for two hours talking .... Now he bitches about his friend that he brings to the gym sooo much to me , bitches about him having a girlfriend and always wanting to bring her places, and It got to the point where I said, jeeze I hope u don't talk bad about me behind my back... And he swore on his dead relatives grave that he doesn't... I just thought wow, they've been friend for 20 years and all he does is talk crap about him to me.

Moving on to me and him at the gym alone recently . So the gay jokes continue and he keeps referencing me liking balls, and being used to balls....

One machine required me to bend over.. And he said 'come on, u can do this, I know ur use to that position, you pillow biter' he laughed and then came behind me to re-position me. It was so awkward lol. He also saw a guys d*ck p*c on my phone and said 'omg I'm traumatised,' and then for the next hour or so was like 'can't believe I saw that, if I wanna see a penis I'll look at my own'..laughing and acting distressed loll

After this session, my female cousin who I've introduced him to and who knows I'm totally Inlove with him and also thinks he is off the charts gay facetimed me on the walk back to the car...
And he hijacked the call to tell her about all the guys ive been apparently looking at in the gym... Going back to like 2 months ago when his friend pointed it out..and talkin about the dick pics on my phone...
She responded tactfully 'aww don't be jealous he replied .. " I'm not but he just won't own up to it'
I called him a dick.. And he then said to my cousin 'you see all he has is dick on his mind'
after 5 minutes of consistent crap about me checking out men and dicks, my cousin said to me
'Well I'll leave you to it, continue to check out guys and wind him up'

When we terminated the call he was like ' wait what does she mean? I'm not checking out guys, you are ' - I responded she knows that , she was clearly talking to me. Lol.

Random sidebar- Then next day we was talking about our feet , randomly ..he said he bets mine are ugly.. And I said actually mine are cute..
And his response was

' Ooh Mr I'm so sexy and all the boys love me has nice feet, your such a gay diva and so inlove with your self' ... <<< super out of the blue right... Lol.

Ok so to wrap up this lengthy update, I have one last little bit of action from last night.

' so after the gym we was in my car and he was going through music he likes, one of which was madonna's Human nature lol... Then he showed me a female rapper who I thought looked like a lesbian, so i asked is she? , he said she isn't, she's married and she raps about men' and I thought... Really? That doesn't mean anything though.

A lot of the male rappers rap about girls and some of them are gay... They have to to protect there fanbase and sell records .

He then burst into a defensive rant again about how there are gay rappers out there who rap about men and blah blah..I said yeah but not mainstream.

Once again he said 'not everybody is gay'
I said not everybody is str8 either... I explained gay rappers won't come out and will continue to rap about what sells for them... It's no secret that there are closed gay celebrities and he was like ' really ... Like who?' And I thought to myself can he be this naive?...... I mentioned a few.. He said but you don't know that, your basing that off rumours and actions. I said listen I can tell a closet case when I see one.

He asked who else... So I said surely you've heard rumours about this guy u listen to 'young thug' and he said "yeah but me and him do all the same things... I call guys babes too, and yeah he wore a dress, but he pulled it off, I liked it, so what are people gonna say I'm gay too'

And I just stayed silent... And he said
' because I'm not gay... I'm farrrr from it.....like I liiiiiiiiiike vagina'

And I said ok...
He then said, besides a lot people saw that he was married..and stopped thinking that'
And I said but that brings me back to people being naive..
He could be straight, but just because someone raps about women, has a kid and a wife ' doesn't guarantee they're straight..

And he just ranted on about people thinking everyone is gay.. And people shouldn't be assuming from actions..... And it thought rich coming from him as the other night in the gym.. A guy was staring at us...and he instantly said.. I think he might be gay.. I then pointed out a gay guy To him that I knew.. And he was super intrigued.. Couldn't stop looking over at him... It's just ridiculous ..

Anywho back to the rapper speak..

he then said .. Everybody says 'he's gay he's gay...then shouted "they could be bi' !!!

(Which made me happy that he differentiated between the two bi and gay') usually a good sign... But if I'm honest.., I'm not actively pursuing this guy anymore . I've taken a laid back approach, and just trying to enjoy the friendship...coz we are super close, we txt everyday, see eachother everyday, so he's always going to be a part of my life

Yes I'm inlove with him... But he has a lot of issues he needs to work out..
he's soooo tricky . It hurts my head lol.

It was heartbreaking hearing him say 'I'm not gay'....

But then I thought , on my gut instincts and my heart and just common sense lol this guy is Deffo a severe close case ... And what else is he gonna say but 'I'm not gay'

But I know i have to leave him to time and continue with my life. It sucks? Because I feel like everything happens for a reason and we were brought together for a reason, he feels like my soul mate, my perfect guy. But for now, he has to work some stuff out, if ever.

Thoughts?