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Transphobic bullying/coming out experiences (transguys/girls)

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by I'm_Danni_x, Dec 17, 2014.

  1. I'm_Danni_x

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    To those of you who have been affected by transphobic bullying at school would you mind sharing them experiences?
    Are there any people who have accepted you when you came out? If people defriended and bullied you, did/have you found a way round it?

    You don't have to answer these questions, you can just share your coming out experiences.
     
  2. jay777

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    You might have a look here, esp at page 3:
    Dealing With Bullies

    One thing I did was telling to report incidents immediately to authorities, and doing so.


    (*hug*)
     
  3. ctrl alt delete

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    I think a lot of the bullying that can happen in schools isn't as obvious as someone targetting you with hate speech or acts of petty aggression the way its depicted on tv and the like. I was pretty badly affected by what I would call homophobia and transphobia in school and I definitely had to deal with being bullied. But its really hard to pinpoint specific incidents and say that was the moment I knew I was being bullied or that is a good example of transphobia.

    A lot of it is to do with the attitudes that you internalise about yourself, that your different or that your a freak or that your somehow less of a human being than other people.

    I can think of a particularly close friend who stopped being my friend when I started acting out more. It really hurt and I wonder now if he was somewhat of a homophobe. But I also made some great gay friends and other friends who had issues in school and they've continued to be really inspiring people for me.
     
  4. BradThePug

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    I was never out as being transgender while I was in high school, but I know that I was really masculine while I was in school. To the point where many of my teachers were not surprised by my transition.

    I had many people that would just give me the cold shoulder because I was too masculine for them. I also had some people that did not want to work with me, or even talk to me because they saw me as a sinner and weird. The worst thing I was called was a tomboy, but I just got some passive forms of bullying instead.

    I lost some friends when I came out. Some have come around with time to realize that I am who I am. Others have continued to treat me like I am some sort of terrible person. The way that I see it though, if people cannot accept me, then I do not need them in my life.
     
  5. antibinary

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    Therir's a trans boy called sophie. Everyone calls him she.
     
  6. I'm_Danni_x

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    God, that's horrible! How does he deal with it? I really hope bullying goes away.
     
  7. Alive

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    A friend of mine came out in their school and some teachers didn't respect their pronouns. They are also frequently misgendered and people at school tell my friend they won't use their new name or pronouns. My friend uses they pronouns but is still frequenty called she and by their old name.
     
  8. I'm_Danni_x

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    Doesn't the school have any LGBT policy which protects them from that type of prejudice? I hope your friend receives the treatment she deserves.
     
  9. Alive

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    I don't know. Its a quaker school and they go there because it was supposed to be more accepting.
     
  10. Amira

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    (Cw for violence, sexual assault mention)

    in high school it was pretty much the usual "beat up the f-slur/t-slur" stuff idk i don't remember it very well.

    in college and law school it kind of warped into including a lot of unwanted sexual touching by men (cis and trans) and cis women (i.e. the "are those real?" boob grab) and a few sexual assaults by men, and not to mention rejection from school lgbt groups because trans women are apparently icky to everyone and yet insufficiently radical as gender warriors for that ickiness to be worth exploring at all.

    i'm not sure if you were specifically looking for high school or what so i included both. sorry if it isn't helpful.
     
  11. Quiet Raven

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    You say that... Then say "she", disrespecting their preferred pronoun...

    As for my experience... I didn't face much bullying as being trans. Mainly because I was never out. And avoided doing what I wanted to do because I knew I would get bullied.

    The only time I remember being bullied for being "feminine" at all was about shoes I wore in grade 1...
    Actually... I just recalled a time in Junior High I was laughed at and told I was holding my books "like a girl". I was just holding them up to my chest. Sort of "hugging" them I suppose. It is just a comfortable way to hold them. I still do it.
     
  12. Daydreamer1

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    I wasn't out in school, but I was met with acceptance after graduation; which makes me wonder if I would have been safe coming out at a younger age. The only "bullying" I faced was misgendering and having a certain kind of slur thrown at me by an older relative.

    Other than that, almost everyone has been cool and quick to grasp pronouns. Hell, someone I went to school with asked me a few questions since their partner was trans--and it went over nicely. I do know that a few weeks ago, a classmate made a transphobic comment about someone their ex was dating (I guess) and when I made a subtle rant about it, a childhood friend pretty much asked whose teeth they need to knock in--assuming someone made a douchey comment about me or something.

    I'm not sure how all my old friends feel about it, but I guess they're neutral since they haven't said something and I came out on Facebook over a year ago.
     
  13. Orange Bananas

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    I have this one friend that I've known since kindergarten who knows I'm trans but constantly makes remarks like, "You know, [your name] is a girl's name, too," and "Stop correcting me on your name! It's just really hard for me to get it right."
     
  14. I'm_Danni_x

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    Sorry it was an autotype mistake. I meant they.

    It's unfortunate that's it's still happening as I've noticed that your experience in grade 1 Still occurs in our school too and the ages are raging from 12-16.

    ---------- Post added 22nd Dec 2014 at 09:17 AM ----------

    That's great that you have been accepted. It's just the lack of understanding and ignorance with some people. I've also noticed (May not be true), but sometimes people just use transphobic slurs because they think it's 'cool' to say it because everyone else does, though not realising the negative impact and hate coming from it. While others are just completely ignorant and use it deliberately. I just hope future generations won't have to suffer like this.
     
  15. antibinary

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    I don't actually know him but I've heard people say things like 'That Sophie she says she's a boy even though she has a vagina." I don't know how well he deals with it.
     
  16. I'm_Danni_x

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    I don't really think this person is really your friend if they aren't respecting your preferred pronouns. Have you tried helping your friend getting your name right and to stop with the hurtful (I assume) remarks? If this person Still seems very biased and doesn't stop with the comments, or they get worse (I hope not). Then you should decide what's right for you.
    If they aren't deliberately saying it due to laziness and are really struggling as it can be hard adjusting to new pronouns/names then you can help them. Good luck with your friend

    ---------- Post added 22nd Dec 2014 at 09:29 AM ----------

    Is he in any of your classes? Maybe you could try befriending him as I can imagine what he'd be going through, as I'm in a similar situation but I can't transition or even identify as a boy because my parents won't let me. I'd love to help him and you probably would if you got to know him.
     
  17. Daydreamer1

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    Oddly, it was a surprise. I'm from a "conservative" smallish city where the school was full of dumb jocks and evangelical/baptist Christians who were exclusive of atheists (unless my friend and I were the only exception).
     
  18. antibinary

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  19. Orange Bananas

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    See, this is why she's not invited to our welcome back party for an old shared friend.