Small Victories

Heck yeah. High five.

 

I got my hair cut short short for the first time last week, and I've never felt more confident in myself. My parents hate it, but everyone else has told me how handsome I look and I think I glow with happiness now.

 

not really. i went with my wife, who is very supportive, and it took quite awhile for me to build up the confidence myself. and finally said the he)) with it and did it.:icon_bigg

 

oh darlin, that is bravery back up or not. I do love that your wife is so supportive, you have a treasure there that so few of us have. (&&&)

 

yes she is

 

I have two: One is that a few days ago my fiancee was talking to me and was talking about the differences between men and women and used us as examples.

The other is that the other day we had lunch with her cousin (not very close) and her husband whom neither of us had met, and when we parted, he hugged her but shook my hand. It always kind of bothered me when random dudes hug me but with other guys they just shake hands. He doesn't know I identify as a guy, but I have been doing a decent job of not acting super approachable in a feminine way. I mean I was nice to him, but not in a way that screamed "hug me!"

 

Also, my mom is out of town and sent me a picture of some guy just because he looks like me. (She is the sort of person who is comfortable with asking people if she can take a picture of them for seemingly no reason.) This may seem pretty trivial, but like a week ago I was complaining that she was comparing me to Sinead O'Conner, so I'd rather she compare me to a guy at least haha. It kind of feels like she's actually trying and that was her little way of acknowledging me.

Also relating to her (we just had lunch for the first time since she found out), I mentioned how I might change my middle name or I might just keep it but change it from Renee to Rene, and she said basically "That's a weird middle name for a guy. Fuck it, you might as well go all the way." and I was really only keeping the middle name out of respect for her since she gave it to me and I thought maybe it was significant. Turns out she had a middle name picked out for me if my name had been Patrick anyway: My name would have been Patrick Alan. Alan was my uncle's (who happened to be gay) name who died recently. I hardly knew him but my mom was very close with him. When I was trying to think of a new middle name I thought it would be cool to be named after a family member I was close with, but I am really not close with any of my family, especially guys. So I think that is really cool and I will probably use that middle name. Just like Patrick, since I knew it was what I should have been named to begin with (that is what she would have named me if I was amab), Alan just totally clicked as a middle name when she told me. I went through dozens of other middle names and none of them felt right and now I know.

And when I said I would make a beautiful man (somewhat jokingly to break the ice a bit) she said "I'm sure you would." with no hint of sarcasm, and that is as close to a compliment as I can hope to get from her lol.

 

Patrick Allan, it does roll off the tongue. :icon_bigg

 

Every single doubt in my mind about maybe not being trans just went out the window.
My sister texted me a picture of a backpack and said "Girl you need this" and, without any hesitation, my brain went "that's wrong". Felt great actually.

On the bright side, one of my friends has gotten into the habit of adding "boy" to the end of like every sentence she says to me (What's up boy, etc) and it feels awesome to be honest

 

I'm a camp councilor for skating camp for little kids for the summer and today one of the little girls kept referring to me as "he" even after another little girl said "no she's a girl"

 

I went out shopping with a friend of mine today at the mall in a nearby town. I wore one of my women's shirts that leaned androgynous with a heart necklace and despite my worries, I didn't get looked at at all, even when we passed a former teacher who we both used to hate before she left. (Awkward:dry: lol)

The second thing is that while we were looking g through stuff in stores, I started speaking in a more feminine manner without even thinking about it! It's starting to just roll off my tongue without me caring who hears anymore. :icon_bigg

The final thing is that while we were shopping, I was being quite obvious that I was shopping for myself and when I'd take things to try them on, I didn't take any male clothes as cover ups. I would actually come out of the dressing room to show my friend and get their opinion on it too, in full view of the immediate part of the store.
I ended up settling on a very feminine disney shirt and a two piece lace up tank and three quarter sleeve plaid shirt, along with a butterfly necklace that was $40 off.

It just felt so good to actually be enjoying myself, to not faking my emotions or forcing smiles like I've done for months. I get so bogged down with dysphoria and a bunch of negative emotions that I forget what it feels like to be comfortable with myself and for the first time in a long time I am truly comfortable with myself.:eusa_danc

Just thought I'd share my sense of gender euphoria today.

 

Yay~! (*hug*)

 

Someone finally used he/him/his pronouns after I came out to them, I think it's a miracle lol

 

my small victory of last week is not really gender based, but i won the national championship in handbiking last week i was second in the overall game and first place of the women the good thing is the recognized me as a woman although i'm amab.
a really heavy year of training paid off.

second victory was that i slept on the girls wing of the sleeping dorms

 

Visiting family for a week before school starts, and I had to let my beard grow out... I feigned a stomach bug so I could go easy on the diet. A week of pizza, beer, and wings made me hate myself (and all the work I need to do now), but my self hate and hair both washed down the drain together...

 

My mom literally just came into my room and said "Good morning, Hunter". This is the first time she's used my name and I changed it 6 months ago, I'm so happy that I'm holding back tears.

 

A friend I came out to as trans treats me like a dude. I just realised. It took him time though. Yay!