One Thing here.

I've been feeling much better over the past few weeks and for the first time in years, I don't have to force myself to smile and I often will smile thinking about a boyfriend, just out of nowhere. I feel renewed by accepting myself as gay and the final thing I actually realized was in a post somewhere, the words 'mastubatory fantasies' were the perfect description for my sexual fantasies I have about men.

It feels like the wind is blowing through my soft golden hair and onto my bronzed skin, and inside it feels like my body has released what was once a burden laid on myself. I feel as if love is coursing through my veins and I am feeling a barrage of emotions that I would never have left myself feel before. I even wet my eyes with tears at deaths and moments on the television screen because I no longer feel I must be a tough and emotionless man like the rest of society expects me to be. My mind is able to release more feelings and it is able to express itself more freely. I am also able to be far more creative and finally write about what I care about and what I truly feel. I am still a small man in a big world but I know that I can find another speck in the world and love that other man. I am gay and I feel so proud of myself for unlocking my ascent into true happiness and now I know who I must look for and I finally feel as if I belong somewhere. Thank you for helping me to realize my gift and my own feelings. Everything is easier and I know the many paths that stand in front of me may seem confusing, but one thing is ever the clearer and that one thing is who I really am.