Non-binary people, I'm curious

I've wondered about this too
I do see more DMAB nonbinary people on this website than I do other websites though.
I think maybe it's more socially acceptable for DFAB people to be gender nonconforming so maybe that has something to do with it?

 

I think it's socially easier to come out as nb if you're dfab. I definitely have seen dmab nb people though.

 

I think it's easier as a dfab to experiment with gender identity and expression therefore there are more that have discovered that they don't fit the binary? I feel like dmabs have a rougher time because there's so much social pressure to conform to just one gender expression.

 

Hmm, I've also noticed many binary trans men expressing gender-variance more openly than trans women, so maybe socialization carries over into transition as well?

 

Yeah, as a dfab person I've often felt weirded out by how disproportionate the tilt is toward dfab people in non-binary communities (and I hate how this gives radfems fodder for thinking we're all "self-loathing women," sigh). I think it has to do with misogyny, even when the dmab non-binary person isn't transfeminine. It's seen as commonplace for an dfab person to be masculine/androgynous but still kind of taboo for an dmab person to be feminine/androgynous.

I also wonder whether the fact that trans women are on the receiving end of an awful lot of violence makes dmab folk less willing to come out as non-binary, because it potentially leaves them even more exposed than they would be if they were "passing" - in the sense of not standing out as being not gender-stereotypical.

 

So, this is probably going to be one of the harder posts I've tried to write. I've been intentionally trying not to give too many clues as to my designated gender, trying to explore me without that baggage of what people see. Who knows how well I've done it. But, I am DMAB.

Peculiar, I've noticed the same sort of trend here. There's a lot of people who admit to being DFAB, but not a lot who admit to DMAB in the non-binary space. It gave me even more reason to keep quiet on this site, and it is a bit harder to find folks who actually come from a similar background to follow and try to understand better so I can understand myself better. But I've still found a lot in common with DFAB folks to get some support, even if my motives come from different sources.

And I'm not sure DMAB folks have it any worse than DFAB, really. Is it maybe a bit harder to accept certain parts of yourself? In my case, yes. But I am not really sure I'm even typical. I got a lot of confusing messaging from my parents growing up. They encouraged me to cross typical gender boundaries (my mother taught me crochet, and math), but they also tended to enforce them at the same time (a man should be X), and my mother heaped on some anger towards men in general on top of that (she has a female supremacist streak in her). I still don't know how all that contributed to where I stand now, but I grated the most under the second group. I didn't like being told that I was a man, and that I should behave a certain way, dress a certain way, or like my sex's characteristics. I actually miss when I was younger and didn't have to deal with body hair that just won't go away. I get depressed from time to time that I am "stuck" as a man, and wish I could have a female body at times. The last bout is what sent me here.

But all that said, in my life, people don't really press me on my behavior. I've rarely been referred to as "he" by people in my day to day life. My SO seems to find it cute that I've got a large, lilac colored, plush spider in my bed. The last time I was made to feel uncomfortable by others is when I had to play the role of best man at a wedding. I still did it because of what it meant to my friend, who really didn't have anyone else to ask who wasn't family. For me, I'm the biggest barrier. I'm the one that's internalized and enforced all these gender rules on myself, and helped make myself miserable. My parents haven't been a major factor in over a decade, and even then, they tried.

How does that compare to other DMAB experiences? Not really sure. But those are my experiences.

 

PeculiarChild, thanks for posting this, I've certainly noticed and wondered about it too. As AlexTheGrey mentioned, there's much we have in common with DFAB folks, so I am tremendously grateful to have this space together. I also feel a particularly strong connection with many trans women too even though I am coming from and going to a different place. Basically, until about a year ago, I didn't know there was ANYONE - I mean not a single person - like me so this is pretty great for me whether we DMAB non-binary folk are more rare or just more secretive.

 

I know more than one MAAB NB here. But your observations would tend to be correct. I suspect, like others, that it has something to do with society's rejection of femininity in men (or those perceived to be men). Women being masculine tend to be more widely accepted.

 

I'm DMAB. :3

 

I'm DMAB and I remember actively shutting off any aspect of femininity within me for some reason, likely due to teasing by my dad actually. It's an interesting point which I have noticed before, and it confused me too

 

DFAB have that wonderful "tomboy" safe space I feel. All my life I've been called a tomboy, so I very rarely was forced to step into that strictly "female" space and I was always allowed to complain about it. So, yeah I think that has a lot to do with it, males don't really have a safe space to the same degree as the "tomboy" label.

 

My mind, stop reading it please ;_;

But the prevailing explanation in the thread makes sense yeah

 

What does the 'd' stand for? I know the rest is fe/male at birth but the D?

 

Designated.

I prefer MAAB/FAAB, though, for no particular reason.