I'm not sure what's going on with me, as much as I'm becoming obsessed with EC, and feel an inner satisfaction of suddenly having so many people that I can freely talk to without being judged, I started to feel more scared and a bit tight chest. I joined EC a few days ago and have been reading so many posts and reacting to some, and am not sure if it is too much information for me or being faced with so much truth and similarities with others in my life in such a short period of time made me realize my real mess? Did anyone else felt the same way here or is it just me?
It happened to me too. You will become less obesessed in time still a great place to vent and read what others are going through; and make your own conclusions
Bearheart - I feel the exact same way! I joined earlier but just recently started reading the Forum a LOT and posting. I feel a lot better sharing some if not all of my feelings on here and being openly gay (if only just on here for now).
This has happened to me as well. The EC and amazing people Here have become my safe place allowing me to talk freely without judgement or criticism. It feels good, but at the same time is scary as hell to start to realize and openly accept things about myself that I had repressed for so long. Good luck in ur journey my friend
Hi bearheart, I've had not just ups and downs with this journey thus far, but have also discovered 'layers of denial', which can seem to pop up out of nowhere sometimes, even just when I thought I was over it all. It's like I discover more about my sexuality, how I really do prefer guys at the moment - more than at any other time of my life - and I think I'm totally ok with it, but then things 'get intense' as I realize 'wow this is actually happening to me, it's not a dream!'. It's an exciting journey but can be a little unsettling sometimes as well, when one's world changes and shifts. In your case, it could be that what you have read has resonated with you, such that it has stirred up and awakened things inside? When it begins to feel 'real'...?
Great insight Damien. Can't speak for Bearheart but things are definitely stirring inside for me. I am now wondering if the support I feel here will be enough when I finally do come out. Friends and family will be nice but I suspect i won't have that for a while.
it's definitely not just you, Bearheart. In fact, I have been thinking that I hope that people aren't getting annoyed at me posting so much. I've been on for less than a week, and can't stop checking the forum and posting. To be honest, it is kind of like it opened the floodgates for me. All that has been held up inside for so long, it's been bursting to get out. So many topics, so many posts, hit right home. I think that EC will be a part of my journey leading up to and beyond coming out, but I don't think that it will be enough after coming out. It will be good to have that 24/7 availability that EC offers, something I couldn't ask of anyone. But I will also need some friends I can see and touch when I am getting to that point, or it could be just far more than I could ever cope with. I thought I was at that point a week ago, when I then discovered EC, and found new hope.
Many posts on EC definitely resonate with me, many are really scary when I imagine myself in the same situation, but others are promising, which really gives me a mixed feeling of worry and hope at the same time, sometimes I feel very strong and I get a spirit of "I can do it" and other times I feel like I'll be stuck in the closet for the rest of my life. Thanks all for your input on this, and I don't think that there is something like "too much posting" wildside, I firmly believe that this is the place to be as interactive as we could, after all, we've been silent about this for tens of years and we deserve to vent out our feelings and experiences to each others .. right?
The freedom to say what you are thinking, particularly for someone who has been in the closet for a long time can make you giddy, especially when you find so many others who have had experiences which seem to be just like yours, and you get that "finally, I am not alone" euphoria. It is the same sort of thing you would feel if you "came out" and found that everyone important to you supports and encourages you. The real world doesn't always work that way, but seeing how it has worked positively for others can give you the courage to take the risk and reap the reward of freedom to be yourself which you, and everyone else on the planet, deserves, and which straight people take for granted. I hope you find that courage and inspiration here, as so many others have, and that it works out that way for you. (*hug*)
It really comes and goes. I joined EC after telling a couple of people, but not being at all ready to be out to my wife or the general public. I've had times where I've posted more and times when I've posted less, and sometimes I'm not sure if I'm here to ask for support or to offer it. A big part of being closeted is backing off from interacting on anything more than a superficial and guarded level, so being able to be open with people is very healing. Even if we're anonymous (at least at the start). I love seeing the different posts, whether they resonate with me or annoy me! After being starved for connections with people for a huge part of my life, it's good to be able to open up one way or another. And if expressing my thoughts makes someone feel a little less alone or a little more hopeful, then so much the better. I think that we who are seeing a bright light at the end of the tunnel have a huge responsibility to those who can't see it at all yet. I truly love the people here, because I read all of our stories and see kindred souls doing the most challenging thing they may ever do, to improve their lives in a huge way. Even if you're struggling now, you're all terribly inspiring!
BH, Y, CB, thanks so much. Everything you said is so great, it filled me with so much emotion that I almost cried. After so many years of having to keep it all inside...
