I am 42 , single , & economically stuck in bible thumping country. I wasn't able to explore my sexuality fully until about 3 years ago. That man is no longer with us and except for one friend, he was the only one who knew I'm gay. I have been close to my family but every time i tried to approach the subject, it was met with hostility and closed minds..I'm not a person who has trouble trying to make friends i feel i can talk to. I just want to live honest and open and a lot of turns I take to get there are dead ends..
How sociable are you? What is the size of your nearest big town Can you move to a bigger place that is in still in easy reach of family ?
The closest big town is Washington DC. There are a few slightly smaller in between. My problem is affording a move. If i move, we are talking months.
Have you tried using any apps or dating sites to get a sense of other guys in the area? In rural locations, apps are not just used to hook up, they are a way to actually meet and firm a relationship with other guys when there are no other obvious meeting places.
It's not just meeting someone( i have been on ok cupid and *** before.). It's also dealing with the family whom otherwise I've been close to. My dad who is one of the most inoffensive spoken guys i've ever known said when i was 14 , if i was gay he'd beat the sh*t out of me. Yes I know I'm in my early 40's but it is still hard to figure out and deal with. Its like walking on a picket fence. It can be done but its difficult and not very easy on the soul...
...not very comfortable to be sitting on that fence either. Welcome to EC, VerbalAlchemy! Living "open and honest" takes a measure of courage, of knowing what it is you may lose, and doing it anyway. It's a stark choice, but ultimately, you need to assess the value of remaining closeted vs. the value of living openly. If it is too costly to remain closeted (and this will become more obvious when you are in a relationship when your partner is possibly out and open) then you will need to be very clear about what it is in your relationship with your family that is so difficult to let go of. Coming out is ultimately letting go of things that are keeping you closeted, most often it is a lock that we have in our own hand...what is it that you need to let go of for that door to open? I wish you all the best, post often, and let us know how it goes!
A solid plan, a love in my life that goes beyond reason, and getting through to my dad, sister and a lesser extent my mom(she's going through physical and to a lesser extent mental as well). That why can they have affection for strangers who are gay and not me and pray they realize I haven't changed...just yearning to live open.....if it wasn't for the feelings they stated, i love them...& if i had what the cowardly lion needed too...scared to be honest and not to be honest....welcome to my insanity
Believe me it makes complete sense. Especially this part: I'm in a similar place. Both coming out and staying in are their own kind of terrifying. I hope we both come to find the courage we will need, and have some patience with ourselves until we do.
Whats scary is i dunno if i ever will be ever to tell them. Or they pass away heaven forbid before I can
When I came out to my dad, he said, "Well, things have changed and now its okay to be gay." Things have certainly changed for the better since you were fourteen, but still, what we heard then is a huge obstacle to overcome. There will be a right time in your heart to try opening up to them again. all the best
I imagine if everyone who wanted to leave the Bible Belt could do so, there'd be more Confederate ghosts than living residents! Everyone I know hates it here, myself included, but the aspects of intolerance that pervade things are almost self-perpetuating at this point. Alas, I can only empathize, not give any great advice; I am in the same predicament. Everything about this place is loathsome; no spiritual encouragement, no people I can relate to or wish to spend time with, no job opportunities, and harassment is a regular part of life. There's also no artistic outlet, no culture, no similar-minded people, no progressive groups, etc., etc. etc. It sucks to be financially restrained..to feel helpless and trapped. Nothing is worse than having no seeming options. If I win the lottery, I'm buying a train, and I'm putting a public notice in the papers that anyone who wants a free ticket out can hop aboard at every stop along the line! I'm thinking I can set up a few hundred hotel rooms to get folks started wherever we all end up! (oh well...it's a nice dream, anyway!)
I love the easy pitches. A few months? You are 42 years old; what is a few months to move versus the rest of your life lived authentically and with joy. You still have time to form and start a family of your own if you want one. Join the millions who have moved out of narrow-minded backward bible-belt small towns and into a larger city with a community of people you can enjoy life with and find a suitable soulmate in. Start today making your plans. You aren't insane, you are just living in the wrong place for your personal characteristics, which can make you feel like you are insane. And don't worry about your father; when you are 42 and he is in his 60s, if there is any ass-kicking going to be done, you will be the one doing it, not him. What he said 28 years ago in a moment of macho when you were 14 and under his roof and thumb has no bearing on what you should and can do today as an adult. Start by updating your resume and contact some employment companies in areas you think you might want to live. DC has many opportunities, or if you want to break the chains that bind you more completely, consider somewhere in New York or Boston, which both abound with active gay communities. Don't waste time thinking about it any more, just start doing it.
