1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Should I date a guy with HIV?

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by Ashanti, Oct 20, 2014.

  1. Tim

    Tim
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2008
    Messages:
    1,474
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    California
    I actually have to ask...

    Are you sure he's actually HIV positive and not just a member of the group for a friend/family member who is?

    Did you actually see the seminars you talked about,, or was it on their website or something? (Don't link it if it was). Simply curious if you're sure he does have it, and isn't just a member of that group to support someone else.
     
  2. Ashanti

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 27, 2013
    Messages:
    65
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New Zealand
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    All but family
    Hey Tim :slight_smile:

    He mentioned to me 2 weeks after dating him that he was POS but his girl "friend" pushed him into telling me... after sexual contact though :frowning2:
    I do like him heaps but not telling me first about his status makes me wonder if can i trust him...
     
    #22 Ashanti, Oct 21, 2014
    Last edited: Oct 21, 2014
  3. SpaceSuit

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2014
    Messages:
    219
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Mid-West Ohio
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    That is awesome. <3. :icon_bigg
     
  4. greatwhale

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2013
    Messages:
    6,582
    Likes Received:
    413
    Location:
    Montreal
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    He has a good friend in her, that is a plus for him.

    You really do need to make him understand what it is you went through and especially what you felt, the fear and the uncertainty that he caused are unacceptable. You can then tell him that you can understand and empathize with what he must be feeling (shame and guilt) but you cannot be in a relationship that is dishonest from the get-go. You can tell him that you now know the risks, but you are not willing to risk your health in a relationship that is anything less than 100% honest.

    If you really think he's worth it, and IF you can forgive him (just this once!) and IF you can get a credible explanation as to why he didn't tell you and IF you are able to confirm (i.e. see his lab test results) that he is undetectable, and IF you are satisfied that he is taking his meds regularly...I would still urge you to be hyper-vigilant for anything that doesn't quite ring true for a long while yet; even (I would say especially) the lies about small things, it always starts small, normally you will know about it. If you disregard the small lies and don't react "vigorously" (including the real possibility of leaving him) he will feel he has permission to tell you bigger lies...

    You need to make him understand that he is "under probation" until you are satisfied that he won't violate this boundary again.
     
  5. Ashanti

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 27, 2013
    Messages:
    65
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New Zealand
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    All but family
    Hey all...
    Thanks again for all your support....
    Appreciated
     
  6. Pipihpipih

    Pipihpipih Guest

    Joined:
    Oct 17, 2014
    Messages:
    135
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    In My Mind (Literally)
    Out Status:
    A few people
    mmm Hopefully the test result will come out with a good one
    be smart n wise before u start a relationship
     
  7. Ashanti

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 27, 2013
    Messages:
    65
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New Zealand
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    All but family
    Hey..
    Test results was negative (!)
     
  8. piano71

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 25, 2013
    Messages:
    211
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Glad the test was negative ... but I thought the protocol was to retest again after about 6 months? If another test 6 months from now comes back negative, you'll be in the clear.

    Or has testing advanced in that a definitive + or - diagnosis can be made sooner than 6 months after the last potential exposure?

    ---------- Post added 22nd Oct 2014 at 10:54 AM ----------

    OK, I Googled it. The maximum time for HIV antibodies to appear in the blood after exposure is three months. So another HIV test 3 months after the last possible exposure would yield a definitive result.
     
  9. Ashanti

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 27, 2013
    Messages:
    65
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New Zealand
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    All but family
    Hi :slight_smile:
    4th gen HIV test is days after exposure
    What Is A 4th Generation Rapid HIV Test? - Melbourne Rapid HIV Tests
    :icon_bigg
     
  10. Flutters1980

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 13, 2013
    Messages:
    144
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Texas
    Gender:
    Female
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    So happy to hear your test came back negative! If I were in your situation I would not be thinking twice about leaving him.
     
  11. Pipihpipih

    Pipihpipih Guest

    Joined:
    Oct 17, 2014
    Messages:
    135
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    In My Mind (Literally)
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Agreed!
    You have to never risk your life for someone who only give u worries..
    I wouldnt hesitate of leaving him right away
     
  12. QueerTransEnby

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 15, 2014
    Messages:
    3,708
    Likes Received:
    7
    Location:
    Michigan, USA
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Some people
    No way would I date someone who is HIV+, especially not after he did that to you.
     
  13. aboutface

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 14, 2014
    Messages:
    136
    Likes Received:
    10
    Location:
    Mississippi (US)
    I'm sorry, this is crazy. Forget continuing an actual relationship with this guy, I wouldn't want to see or talk to him again ever. How can someone be so self-absorbed and selfish that they risk exposing someone to HIV like that without their knowledge.

    This is not a second chance type situation to me. It's a run away screaming type situation.

    (congrats and thank goodness on the test result btw).
     
    #33 aboutface, Oct 22, 2014
    Last edited: Oct 22, 2014