My Silly Ol' Pining Self...

bi2me · Oct 23, 2014

Snever2late said: ↑

I've been thinking about this a lot and this is what I've decided. You can't regret or be ashamed of anything if you were being real. If sharing your true feelings and taking that risk didn't work out, then it's a lesson learned and it clears the way for something else, or it's just not the right time. But if you pretended not to feel that way, or were fake about your intentions, you might end up regretting not ever knowing what could have been and ultimately be even more unhappy. In my situation, I was 100% real, completely open and myself the entire time. I take comfort in the fact that I wouldn't change a thing about my behavior, only in the outcome. So whatever reason these girls have for reacting the way they choose to react...that's on them. It sucks to be lonely, and to not have that connection you've grown attached to, but it's their fault. And ultimately I believe, in both situations, they will come to regret and ask their what ifs. Because they're just too scared to be real. Getting burned hurts, but at least you're taking risks and rocking the boat, and that's what living is about. Maybe she was just getting you ready for your next relationship.
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:eusa_clap I love this!

Tallu · Oct 23, 2014

You are so great. Thank you. I am trying to move from that phase of being mortified at my audacity to proud that I even tried. I had a brief period of anger but that passed quickly. I’m fairly laid back and don’t tend to stay upset too long, but when I go into protective mode I can shy away from folks for YEARS. I had to do that with my trouble-making sister and if it takes no contact with Eve to get past this then I’ll do it. I’ve wavered so much in the past. I got a little tipsy Saturday and almost drunk dialed. I stopped myself, lol. That would be the last thing I should do. Now if she called or texted me I would answer, because I once promised always to do that just in case it is an emergency. Also it would be communication on my terms, and I’d give her credit for trying. I know she won’t though. I’d keel over in shock if she did, lol.

And yes, I put my whole heart into it, at first as a mentor then a friend. I will probably never understand or know the whole story of why she shied away so much but ah well…it is her loss. I hope one day she will miss me on more levels than just someone to talk to online. I tend to think, though, that if someone can walk away so easily they really don’t have the empathy or emotional capacity to recognize their loss.

She’s starting to come onto the website again but since we are not friends on there anymore I don’t know what she is up to, or vice versa. It’s strange to coexist in a place where we were always partners. I’m sure she checks on me, too, and that’s okay. It’s pathetic, but okay, lol.

Again, thanks for everything. I’m slowly getting better.

P25 · Oct 23, 2014

Snever2late said: ↑

Hi Tallu! I'm sorry I missed this post earlier, I have been waiting for you to give us your story, I just didn't look hard enough!

Five years is such a long time :-/ I can't imagine having gone through that for so long, only to be crushed. I know just in the past six months I've managed to build up all these dreams and fantasies about things that my "crush" and I could do together, and how much it hurts to have to let go of those possibilities. Having been involved for so long, and in such an intimate way as writing together...I can see how painful it would be for you.

I don't think it matters whether or not you meet face to face, or talk, or anything. Sometimes it's more real when you are getting to know someone at an emotional and soul deep level without the physicality to cloud your judgement. That kind of connection is special, and I know that for me I miss that aspect more than anything else. Like the day to day normalcy of just hearing about her life, or engaging in normal conversation. You were right to make a move towards getting to know one another better after such a long time, particularly feeling what you were feeling.

I've been thinking about this a lot and this is what I've decided. You can't regret or be ashamed of anything if you were being real. If sharing your true feelings and taking that risk didn't work out, then it's a lesson learned and it clears the way for something else, or it's just not the right time. But if you pretended not to feel that way, or were fake about your intentions, you might end up regretting not ever knowing what could have been and ultimately be even more unhappy. In my situation, I was 100% real, completely open and myself the entire time. I take comfort in the fact that I wouldn't change a thing about my behavior, only in the outcome. So whatever reason these girls have for reacting the way they choose to react...that's on them. It sucks to be lonely, and to not have that connection you've grown attached to, but it's their fault. And ultimately I believe, in both situations, they will come to regret and ask their what ifs. Because they're just too scared to be real. Getting burned hurts, but at least you're taking risks and rocking the boat, and that's what living is about. Maybe she was just getting you ready for your next relationship.

The important thing is that you know you're terrific, you know you're worth more and deserve so much more than that. It's good that you're too busy to wallow in that initial pain, and once you settle down, I hope it hurts a little less. Don't doubt that she had intense feelings for you, as has been said, maybe she's scared to let herself feel that way for people outside of the virtual world. You entering that space would require her to allow herself the freedom to do that. But the coldness hurts. So badly. The rejection, even of just the most innocent olive branches or gifts to show appreciation, sting. I know that you know how sweet and nurturing you have been, and you have a right to feel how you're feeling. Someday I believe you'll find someone who is worth it, and will treat you with the same openness, love, generosity and respect that you deserve. (*hug*)
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Snever2late, What you said is amazing, touching and so true. Perfectly said. Thank you for sharing. All the ladies here, thank you for sharing and opening up ur hearts and lives. It's a great comfort to know that one is not alone in this craziness of our each own individual situations. We have several common threads...we all love, fully, with our hearts open and that in itself is a precious gift. Those who chose to not accept or even worse....accept for a time and then abandon us are truly the ones missing out. Everything happens for a reason ladies...either it a lesson or a blessing keep loving....

waterfall · Oct 23, 2014

This entire thread is so heartwarming! The love and support that is so evident throughout is awesome!
Snever2late Thank you for that beautiful and eloquent post! I can't say another thing that hasn't already been said…. I am so grateful for all of you ladies!

Snever2late · Oct 23, 2014

Thank you ladies, I kind of feel like I was just repeating what you all have been saying to me, and what I've thought of because of your support in getting to a better place.

P25 said: ↑

we all love, fully, with our hearts open and that in itself is a precious gift. Those who chose to not accept or even worse....accept for a time and then abandon us are truly the ones missing out. Everything happens for a reason ladies...either it a lesson or a blessing keep loving....
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So true P25. We all are just passionate, honest women...and I wouldn't have it any other way. And I hope that our respective heartaches don't change that. I feel like connecting with all you like minded women in similar situations make me feel like it'll be okay someday to give my whole heart again. If I didn't have y'all, I might have just shut down and put up all kinds of walls. Awww...you guys make me feel all warm and fuzzy, lol (&&&)

Frkldbklvr45 · Oct 23, 2014

(&&&)
I just had to get in on this group hug. I haven't leveled up yet but I still feel the love.

Tallu · Oct 24, 2014

This was nice to log onto and read. I had horrible dreams last night. Just chock full of symbolism. Ugh!

My Silly Ol' Pining Self...

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