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average guy?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by skiff, Sep 26, 2014.

  1. AKTodd

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    See, to me, that 'you must succumb to the pressure' thing also doesn't make sense. It's like judging someone because they like guacamole (although I absolutely hate guacamole - it's plotting to kill us all you know :lol:slight_smile:.

    If you have a certain view of sex that you're comfortable with, then own it and let others know what the expectation is. Those with wildly different perspectives and/or insufficient patience or compatibility to work with you on the matter will move on. Those who are more compatible will stick around. Those who don't choose to be that up front about it are a pain, but you shouldn't let them either get you down or shape your view of gay men in general.

    Although the situation never came up, I think if I had encountered someone who indicated they wanted to wait some reasonable amount of time/number of dates before sex, and if I'd been having a good time with them and liked them, then I'd probably be ok with it. Although I wouldn't guarantee I wouldn't exercise the option of dating/sleeping around in the meantime. Although I might not exercise it as well. It would just depend on my mood.

    Sex is simply too trivial an issue to go around judging people on, one way or the other. Most people can churn out orgasms on a daily basis (at least) if they feel so inclined. So if you don't get sex on a date what's the big deal? Go home, kick back, and take care of it yourself if you're that worked up. Easy peasy.

    For my part, I never really had any rules around dating or when sex would occur. Usually, it was within hours of meeting. Sometimes minutes. If we had a good time, there was usually a 'hey, you wanna get together again? Sure.' kind of conversation. Sometimes that turned into a relationship, sometimes just an occasional fun time, sometimes just friendship without sex. I never really worried about it, much.

    Todd
     
    #21 AKTodd, Sep 27, 2014
    Last edited: Sep 27, 2014
  2. allnewtome

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    I guess this is what it all comes down to. While I think sex can be trivial I think it can also be so much more and times seem to have changed to where it is more common to be seen as trivial.

    This is by no means a 'gay' thing it's really just the way the world seems to work, I've got a straight brother who lives his life essentially from one experience to the next and my closest female friend is the exact same.

    I'm far from a prude and make a huge effort to not judge even if it's a way of life I don't quite get but I don't quite get it. It's not even like I've got a set amount of dates or whatever as I'm not opposed to it occurring whenever if that's the natural progression of the date-it's the being made to feel like its a must or I'm out of line for not just offering it up.

    Ultimately I agree that the type of people that are going to shame/embarrass me for not aren't worth my time or concern at the end of the day.
     
  3. AKTodd

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    I guess I would ask...when it is 'so much more', is it actually the sex that makes it so? Or is it the feelings that are in play and that are just using the sex as means to express themselves? In my experience, the latter scenario is the more common one.

    That's why I classify sex as trivial - it's just a means to an end. Sort of like a smile really. In one context, a smile is a fairly meaningless pleasantry, such as you might deliver to a stranger you pass in the hallway at work. In another, it can express love, or memories of good times, or intimacy, or just the warm happiness that comes from spending a major part of your life with good someone you love and seeing them across a room and knowing you will be with them the rest of your life.

    In the end, the action,in and of itself, is meaningless. It's the context that really matters.

    Agreed. If those are the type of people you are encountering, then you definitely need to find a better class of potential dates. Because while everyone is entitled to approach sex and relationships in the way that works best for them - no one is entitled to try to coerce or, even worse, hurt you because your approach doesn't happen to be convenient for them.

    Todd
     
  4. mangotree

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    If you pay attention, there are many many more "imperfect" or "average" people out there than there are "beautiful people". Talking about looks here.
    Unless you're looking to date a "beautiful" person, dating should be pretty straight forward.
     
  5. SextonOutlaw

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    The vast majority of people who identify as gay/bi/queer/unspecified are not open and doing things that would make us aware that they are 'gay.' By this I mean; wearing tee-shirts, attending Pride, going to the bars, or enacting these stereotypical affects and habits you mentioned (which probably are amplified in those who have them as a result of being around other similar people.)

    These folks are not part of the sub-culture's tendency towards specific fashion, language, behavior, etc. They are farmers, businessmen, doctors, and other who are gay but are not recognized as such because they are average people. Quiet, unassuming, sexually reserved, beer belly, and so forth.

    You're not alone...it's just that certain 'types' get media play and draw our attention while 'the rest of us' go about our business with little fanfare. Being gay is just an aspect of our whole, not the entirety of our existence.
     
  6. allnewtome

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    Like I said I'm outdated lol. To me it's the ultimate expression, the most meaningful of things that can be offered up/shared with another human being. I have a ton of respect for your view on it and at times I've wished I shared a similar view. Maybe in time I will become more 'liberal' about it, who knows as it quite likely has to do with past. I've never been a prude about any of it (even in my former life) and recognize in ways my views have grown and tastes expanded over time. I also recognize my hypocrisy in it as I'm not opposed to one night stands under the right circumstances.