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I need to "grow a pair"

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by ERA, Sep 24, 2014.

  1. ERA

    ERA
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    I was told yesterday that I needed to "grow a pair." Being assertive has never been a strong point, but I can definitely see how that skill is necessary for survival at my new job. Does anyone have any tips on how I can become more comfortable asserting myself and getting people to actually listen to me?
     
  2. jay777

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    There are tutorials on that on the internet.

    There are different types of people, going preferably with different types of leadership...

    could you elaborate a bit what kind of situations and people are involved ?
     
  3. greatwhale

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    I have not read it yet, but the book "fierce conversations" by Susan Scott looks like the kind of thing you might consider reading.

    Being assertive is not a natural talent for many, so for those of us who have a hard time with this, you can learn the art of verbal self-defence through books and courses. It is a skill like any other, an important one at that!
     
  4. PatrickUK

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    Whoever told you to "grow a pair" should "grow up". It's not mature or helpful to make such comments, in fact, it could set you back even further.

    You might find an assertiveness course useful, but you can't just "grow a pair". Bloody stupid comment!
     
  5. Celatus

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    Be sociable :grin:. Lol I talk to tons of people
     
  6. Monraffe

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    It's wise of you to take this as constructive criticism. People use aggressiveness to compensate for their other weaknesses, lack of intelligence for example. It's seldom for bosses to reward aggressive behavior but some do. If that's the case where you work, I'd start looking for another job. Usually bosses want all the oxen pulling the cart in the same direction. Show the boss you are all about productivity and that will make the aggressive behavior of others look bad in comparison. Trying to be aggressive back is a bad strategy especially if it doesn't come naturally to you. That really only works on the playground. Again, if aggression is favored in you company then start looking to leave. Not only are those types of companies miserable to work at, they probably won't last against their more productive competitors.
     
  7. Argentwing

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    Assertiveness is very tough for somebody who's an agreeable sweetheart like myself. You just need to assume a little bit of "screw whatever is going on with you, I'm going to have it my way." Granted you can still be polite in doing that, but when you know deep down that your way is the best scenario, you can't give it up.
     
  8. Kreiger

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  9. ERA

    ERA
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    Okay, more background for those that asked, I was recently promoted to a foreman level position at a road construction company that does traffic control. My job is to set the closures for road crews to work in and then supervise the flaggers who control traffic flowing around the closure. On a daily basis, there is a project superintendent for another company that I report directly to, and there are the foremen for the various crews working for that company, and the regular workers that work for those foreman.
    How things work is that I set the closures, and the crews work in them. Any problems should be brought to the attention of the superintendent. I try to do that, but he alternates between getting upset and not doing anything and not thinking it's a problem. The individual foremen tend to ignore my concerns. If I am 5 minutes late getting to a job site, I'll often find them working in the middle of traffic! The one worker that causes the most trouble has the opinion that he is the most important thing on the planet and that traffic should just stop for him no matter what.
    I brought all this up to the attention of one of my mentors on Monday and she actually talked to the superintendent about my concerns. That was when the "growing a pair" comment came up. She seemed to agree that that's what I needed to do but made excuses that I was still new to the job.
    So I'm left with the conclusion that these problems will be reduced if I can learn to stand up against people who don't take my job seriously.

    GreatWhale, I will look into that book. Thanks for the recommendation.
    Kreiger, Thanks for that link. I'll have to watch that TED talk this weekend.
     
  10. Starfleet

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    I'm surprised that people on regular jobs talk to each other like Marine Corps Drill Instructors. "Grow a pair"? Really?

    I'd agree that practice and training at assertiveness would be helpful.
     
  11. ERA

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    I couldn't compare road construction to the military, buy directly wouldn't classify it as a regular job either. job I got promoted from was the fourth most dangerous job in America.
     
  12. Starfleet

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    Oh, I don't doubt that your job requires clear-thinking, savvy, and a lot of awareness, or that it's dangerous. But, military-type language is a form of brainwashing, and to me, seems really wrong outside of that military environment. Just my opinion.

    Anyway, I don't think assertiveness training will hurt you.
     
  13. Webman777

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    Be respectful the first time you request something of someone. If you have to request it again, then be forceful. I'm not exactly sure how I personally would approach your coworkers since every situation is unique. However, when I ask someone respectfully to do something for me where I work, and they don't do it or give me push back, my next words are "Okay, look." and the rest is what I expect them to do or some form of consequence will occur. Of coarse, when they successfully complete what I asked of them, then I make sure to thank them for their effort and let them know I appreciate it. You want to be assertive and get the job done, let them know you're not someone to screw around with, but you don't want to be utterly hated either.
     
  14. Blossom85

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    I think it is always good to try to be assertive, be firm, polite.. But assertive cause the last thing is you want people thinking they can walk all over you. I know on this site, no one has really seen any other side of me except a kind, caring and sweet side.. But trust me.. I can also be assertive when the time comes to step up. But you do also need to take constructive criticism as well without feeling like someone is attacking you, so it is a fine line that you need to walk between, between talking what someone says as offensive or realizing that they might be just trying to help you realize your weakness so you can work to make them stronger.