Out and fat (my nightmare)

My heart goes out to you, Quietman. I was always chunky since childhood, and although I lost a lot of weight in college, I was still self-sonscious about my appearance and felt that I was too fat to be appealing to any gay guy. The fear of rejection and other factors eventually led to a long attempt to be a good straight husband and forget i ever was attracted to guys at all. I ended up around 320 before several things made me start dieting and exercising (I'm now around 210), and in the process, I realized that I was trying to bury being gay with food, and (at least in theory) I could conceivably be a reasonably decent looking guy.

But more importantly, I looked at losing weight as a way of regaining some selse of self-respect and awareness and concern. While I was never directly suicidal, the eating, avoidance of doctors and my general physical discomfort made me feel like I could die and not care. The better I felt, the more I realized that being healthy and confident mattered a lot more than being hot. And I've come to realize that while there ARE people who have a problem with guys who are carrying a little extra weight, those aren't the kind of people I want to be around anyhow. Good people see you for who you are inside, and that's what makes you attractive and interesting to them. That matters far more than your outward appearance, and it lasts a lot longer.

That's not to say it isn't very much a learning experience. I still look at myself and see the weight and the extra skin that used to be stretched out and now is just kind of there and saggy. I've had to very actively train myself out of doing that, and listen to the supportive people who've told me over and over that they admire the fact that I was able to lose all that weight. And for all the ones who may look down on you for not being 20 and skinny, there are plenty who see the person and not the appearance. The hard part is listening to them, and not the occasional snarky bitches who criticize, and more importantly, not listening to your own insecurities. For me that was the biggest challenge--being a friend to myself, rather than my most severe critic.

 

Hi Quiet man,

About 2 1/2 years ago I weighed about 253 , then I cut down eating crap and joined a gym. I'm down to about 190 now, but I still have a gut. It does get in your mind about how you look though. People tell me how skinny I got but when I look in the mirror all I see is the gut. I do have fears of how o will be perceived by other gay guys even though I know that looks aren't everything to everybody.

Just wanted to let you know that there are others in a similar situation

 

quietman,

I used to be quite overweight as well, While I was deep in the closet I used food as a coping tool. That being said I took charge and lost the weight. I still struggle to loose the last 10 pounds. I look good, but I am still very self consciences. I have a bit of a gut and stretch marks.

To loose what you did is amazing, you should be very proud of yourself. I am proud of you. It's not okay for anyone to call you names, ever. Gay people are not always the nicest people either. I've meet some gay folks who are complete assholes.

You're among friends here!

 

It's no secret that body image is a huge factor in all communities. The gay community is no exception. There are many people out there who are extremely picky about the body of their companions and reject those that may not fit into their ideal standards. If you are a great person with a great personality, and someone simply rejects you based on your weight, then honestly they can't see past physical appearance and aren't worth your time.

But there are still people out there that don't judge. Keep looking for them. Eventually, you'll end up with someone who loves you.

That is to say. If you do want to lose weight, by all means do so. My motto is, lose weight for HEALTH reasons, rather than physical attraction.

 

I experience your problem thinking I'm fat. I was 6' 195and felt so ugly, than this year I dropped to 147# and almost felt pretty but those around me freaked saying I was sickly thin though I still felt fat. for me it is my face and under chin area that I see fat most! so my fits and ass were the first to go! I have Anorexia. no you consider living 42 years in the wrong body having to use the wrong restrooms, locker rooms,called with wrong gender pronouns! gay men rude and nasty, straight ones sex crazies but no one can know or they suddenly never knew you and bisexual guys think not enough of either to want! I would kill to have your problem only! !relationships are hard! June

 

Okay several times I tried to write but couldn't find the right words.

Another guy with life of "fat jokes". There were other kids around fatter than me but thank to my brother I was always called fat. I never actually looked myself, my usual weight is around 85-90 kg. Been up to 110s (I think as you can tell we use kilos as weight measurement here). To me I was always fat, ugly and shame for people around me.

Then during the military service I contracted with TBC. I entered service with 90 kg but came back as 75 kg. Everyone I know were terrified seeing me that thin. According to them I was look like I'd drop dead. If you would ask me however I was still fat and ugly.

Couple of years ago I found one of those pictures from time of end of military service. I was also terrified the way I look.

That opened my eye. I spent a life time feeling sorry, ugly and useless because I thought I didn't fit in someone else's idea of beauty or normal. Also funny thing I was able to get into pants of any men I wanted no matter what was my weight. That bring us to conclusion of...

1- If it ain't causing health problems fat means nothing. Remember some people look better with some meat on their bones.
2- If you worry about sex, you can always find someone horny enough to knock you. If you worry about love, the person who would love you wouldn't mind how you look.

Judging by your avatars, you all look lovely. Don't let anyone think you otherwise. This forum has the best looking bunch of people somehow.

 

Dude , I'm not gonna say : "it's gonna get better" . It actually sounds like it sucks and ass cracks are just that man . What I'd like to tell you is probably frowned upon here regarding what I'd do to some dickhead with a big mouth. I think you should be damn proud of yourself for what you've achieved and just keep being you because essentially that's who put the work into the weight loss . Good job man!

 

Quietman
I could have written your post a few years ago. I had been between 250 and 320 lbs my whole life. I got down to 170 lbs and actually hated the way I lokked. I worked out with a trainer, had 3 plastic surgeries and still say the fat guy. In fat for I while, I looked at myself as less attractive once I was thin.
The thing is you have to come to terms with the way you. For me that meant understanding that a movie has a he time to spend 6-9 hours a day in the gym. I on the other hand have to work for a living.
I am not a therapy guy but I did ultimately do about a year in theraphy focused on body image and issue and found it very helpful.
Like anything else the mind is a muscle and needs to be reconditioned. Good luck.

 

Hi, I have never been to big really, but have had bigger bellies in the past.
Currently im super skinny, all my clothes are falling off, wedding ring falls off now also (is that an omen lol) whatever I do I cant put on weight, im in a lot of pain from sitting down, as i have no bum, just bones, a bag of bones, all pointy and uncomfortable for anyone else.
I cant rest sitting, driving is really painfull, and just way to thin for me.
Am eating more and more and it will pick up im sure.
I can move gracefully, and dance wonderfully im sure, and have been activly trying to slim to appear more androgynous, but kniwine wants to shag a noass, well, that's what i tell myself.
I need a bottom, (lol, gamer to say it in public!!, could be fun in office) to be able to sitdown, right now there is no fattly layer to speak of anywhere on my person.
Everythig i eat passes fast, not absorbing it right.
I need a special oral jubricant to help it all i recon!

so long as physically healthy, ie not to much and not to little, it does nit matter on weight, i obsess a bit like how June is , with slim appearance and all that, ready for the fabled day of transformation, which is just never going to happen anyhow, that its affecting my health, so it has to stop.
Have to face the beast, take the bull by the horns and get me some satisfaction in my rainbow core, then i think will be much less worried about it all, and start putting the weight on.
Im in a adrenalin filled.flight or flight mode very often, which burns a.lot of energy i recon
need.the peace and love.of a man to sooth me.

i dont know about loosing weight, but can only offer simple advice, dont eat processed food where possible, cut out bread and most flours, try gluten free for a while, dont eat low fat, they are worse long term, forget general diet bull, just eat a healthy home kooked organic pestiside free food, bread causes massive bloating for me, fine now only wholegrain, but even that is not ideal.
And some.sittyps at home to burn energy or something?
Avoid any homogomised.milk, dont eat red meats, (only fish)

You guys know all this anyhow, and have my sympathy.
Making me hungry lol! I am thiin., been thinner in the past, that was after the speed addiction had really splint my appaletite for food, and wallet could only pay for one thing...as much drugs as possible, did medium high usage, daily for months...
Fucks the rest of you up thou, and I was young and bullet proof back then.
Once od"d digesting pure uncut base, equlivalent to like over two ounces of speed ingested oraly... I saw the inner me that time.two come.to think of it... But that's another story.

Keep posative and sunshine in your heart, and excersise as much as possible, takes a good few months to loosen up and develop new movements.and fornit to stop being painfully hard to push yourself..

Tc

 

Quietman, going from 400+ to 265 is a huge accomplishment and has probably done a lot for your health in general. Anyone who tells you it isn't enough is just being an a-hole.

I've been a yo-yo dieter all my life, when I was younger I used to switch from almost anorexic to binge eating and back again -- but there were always the same issues haunting me, no matter how thin or fat I was. I was never satisfied with how I looked. Of course, you get more validation being thin -- the most compliments I've ever received was during a time when I was restricting myself to one meal a day, which is kind of sick when you think about it. If I did that at my age it would probably kill me.

Have you ever looked at some of the sites from the HEAS (Health at Any Size) movement? It can help to know that you're not alone, and that there are people actively working towards body acceptance.

 

Don't be to hard on yourself, there is a market for the bigger guy I seek out bigger guys bears etc as do many.

But good luck shifting for weird, but whatever don't let it hold you back

 

I just wanted to thank all who posted here. A couple of years ago, I lost 80lbs. But over the past year, I've put back on all of that and more. It's been scary, actually. But I've also been trying to come to terms with my sexuality over this same period. It's very clear that food has been my crutch, my companion during this scary and unknown period. I hope that as I figure things out that I'll sort my food issues/weight out, too.

I hope we can all find self acceptance in our life journeys ahead. We are all lovable no matter our weight. As someone above pointed out and myself included, there are people out there attracted to those with more "meat on their bones."

Wishing you all the very best.

 

lol I had trouble deciphering it auto correct grr. Suppose to say good luck shifting the weight