My daughter told a friend that she's bisexual

Discussion in 'For Parents and Family Members of LGBT People' started by lbgt4memee, Sep 15, 2014.

  1. wolf of fire

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2014
    Messages:
    916
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    here
    Sorry if that was not clear, we do notice the outside of people but are not bothered by gender my example for this is earlobes, do you prefer partners with attached or not attached earlobes? That is how we feel about gender.
     
  2. lbgt4memee

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 15, 2014
    Messages:
    9
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    LOL. The grass is always greener on the other side in my eyes. but i found this for you on : ( Is the Gay Population a Lot Bigger Than Even Kinsey Predicted? - Pacific Standard: The Science of Society ) A new study, which attempts to correct for problems with current survey methodology (even when anonymous we don’t always answer honestly), finds that 19 percent of Americans don’t consider themselves heterosexual.
    Since the classification of modern homosexuality in the 19th century (PDF), society’s perception and acceptance of people who have sex with others of their own gender has grown considerably...
    At The Atlantic Garance Franke-Ruta wrote that Americans seem to think there are a lot more gay people in the world than there actually are. As she explained last year, “surveys show a shockingly high fraction think a quarter of the country is gay or lesbian, when the reality is that it’s probably less than 2 percent.”
    But new research indicates that the real prevalence of homosexuality might be a lot higher than previously thought.
    The most-cited guess as to what percentage of individuals are homosexual is around 10. Some LGBTQ college groups have even named their clubs things like The 10% Society, despite the fact that, at some schools (e.g. Bob Jones University), the percentage of past and present homosexual students is likely much lower, and at some others (Sarah Lawrence or Smith) it might be a considerably higher.
    That number is based on Alfred Kinsey‘s 1948 study, “Sexual Behavior in the Human Male,” in which the Indiana University researcher concluded that 10 percent of American men “were predominantly homosexual between the ages of 16 and 55.” While Kinsey also said that ... “the world is not to be divided into sheep and goats. Not all things are black nor all things white,” the 10 percent number has been repeated for more than 60 years now. (Engaging in homosexual sex between the ages of 16 and 55 is not exactly everyone’s idea of “gay”—in contemporary understanding it’s something more like the idea of being attracted to a member of one’s own sex, regardless of regular sexual interaction—but Kinsey’s estimate is the closest we’ve come to a widely-agreed-upon percentage.)
    But it’s possible that most past and present surveys of homosexuality might have been misleading participants, and the size of the LGBT population could be a lot bigger than 10 percent. That’s according to a new study by researchers from Ohio State University and Boston University published by the National Bureau of Economic Research. Katherine Coffman, Lucas Coffman, and Keith Marzilli Ericson indicate that indicate that the true percent of the population attracted (if not necessarily exclusively) to their own gender may be almost 20 percent. According to their study:
    Using the direct method, 17 percent or survey respondents indicated that they had had a same-sex experience. But using the veiled method, the researchers concluded that some 27 percent of participants appear to have had some same-sex experiences.

    The most important takeaway isn’t a final tally of the gay people in society, but, rather, an understanding of the ways in which surveys and other existing attempts to measure such things might be slightly misleading.
    **There's always a silver lining"

    ---------- Post added 26th Sep 2014 at 01:32 PM ----------

    last post was for Water Lover. this is @Blossom85: Thanks for your comments. I dont know what information i actually wrote on this web site because i have been talking a lot about this subject lately. i wanted to respond to some of the things that you said because i think its important. you said: "So if you yourself are straight, of course you are going to have issues with wondering how someone can begin to think of themselves as wanting to be in a romantic and possibly sexual relationship with someone of the same gender as themselves. For myself, it is as normal thinking of wanting to be with a woman as it is breathing.. Not all bisexuals just want a sexual relationship with someone of the same gender, it could just be that they feel more comfortable with someone of the same gender. I myself although identity as bisexual and I can see myself pursuing a relationship with a man or a woman, I do have a preference for being with a woman and not just sexually.. The same way you feel a desire to be with a man, I have that desire and it is possible that your daughter has those feelings as well.. " well I am straight & I understand how a person could sexually and romantically be attracted to the same sex. that seems very easy to get for me. what i don't understand is bisexuality. i guess from the things that actual bi sexual's have said to me in response to my search for understanding is pulling me closer to my original thought pattern. now that i understand the k-scale better i think its getting in the way of my mental acceptance of the whole term bisexual. ok here's my hang up. I associate my self as straight. but i think it is a natural human response to admire ones self. like i think females in american society should be socialized to care for each other as females. in most other countries females have a sense of unity and community and attachment to one another, they spend lots of time each day net working and assisting each other with resources and duties. The women i know are too self involved and self advancing to spend their personal time grooming me or helping me with my domestic responsibilities or anything else for that matter. I have found that Most women are very competitive and catty. I think if you talk to american women who associate themselves as straight they will tell you the same. Of course there are lots of american women who socialize on a large scale but when you speak to them in depth about these relationships they mostly explain that they are for fun or work related. It is hard to find a female friend that is genuinely concerned about your well being enough to make efforts on your behalf. with this being said i think that women are led to think that this type of genuine kindness should be rewarded with love and loyalty, which our society directly relates to sexual behavior. I dont think its hard to feel passionate toward those people who hold their relationship with you dear. especially in the times we are living in now, where everybody is so cut throat. I think my main point is what you said " Not all bisexuals just want a sexual relationship with someone of the same gender, it could just be that they feel more comfortable with someone of the same gender. We are people, people are not solitary creatures, I think you should be able to have 100% emotional attractiveness to another girl and it just be accepted as human, i dont think you should have to feel bisexual because you value emotional ties to another female. most women in other countries are very close in these types of ways but are not led to believe that this affection means that they should be considered bisexual. I'm not saying that women cant be sexually attracted to women just that women should not have to associate themselves as bisexual because they want to be involved in a close relationship with another woman. kinda like a bro-mance. (even the term implies a joke like there is something funny about males enjoying each others company, its like oh you are gay if your a dude that would rather kick it with your homeboy than stare at Nikki Minaj's ass crack all day.) two completely straight guys can love hanging out and having fun without being gay, but main stream american culture wants you to feel like they are gay if they do. It tries to make them feel like they are gay if they do. And it works, at least until they have experimented to the point that they have participated in activities that are deemed gay sex acts, then there is a severe backlash towards those individuals from both the straight and gay communities. i don't think that is fair and for teenagers , preteens and many young adults i think it causes additional unnecessary confusion and frustration. But i think we can do something as a people if we come together LBGT and Straight people to decide what we feel is the proper way to address this issue together.
     
  3. Starfleet

    Starfleet Guest

    Joined:
    Sep 23, 2014
    Messages:
    526
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    -
    lbgt4memee, I'm not quite understanding where you are coming from on all this. For me, being Bi or Pan is about wanting the sexual *and* emotional connection. I do believe that a person of whatever gender can have a deep, loving friendship with their same gender without it being sexual. (this was tested when all my "friends" dropped me within months of my coming out Bi, but anyhoo)

    For me, I hope to learn to trust again, and I hope to find a lover. I really don't care if that lover is Male, Female, Androgyne, or Trans. I'm not looking for any specific "type". It's more about making that connection, finding someone attractive in themselves, and hoping they find me attractive in *myself*. Right now, those hopes are for the future. I'm working on myself, getting myself to a place in my head where I can connect romantically again.

    For other Bisexual people, I literally can't speak. One person might be 90% for the opposite sex, but find themselves head-over-heels for a same-sex lover that clicks. Everypony is different. :slight_smile:
     
  4. YuriBunny

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 10, 2014
    Messages:
    44
    Likes Received:
    7
    Location:
    I'm an introvert; I live in my head.
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Meh, I'm too lazy to read this whole thread; I'm just going to respond to this first post.

    Not necessarily. Bisexual people can be more attracted to guys or more attracted to girls.

    Did she specifically say she wanted to become sexually active with a girl...? Just because she says she's bi doesn't mean she's going to act on it.

    Well you can't assume that the only reason she thinks she's bi is because of that. She might actually have a sexual or romantic attraction to girls. She might even daydream of having a girlfriend... I know it's hard, but try not to jump to conclusions on her thoughts right now. She's probably a bit confused about her feelings. I am a fifteen year old lesbian, and when I came out to my mom, she thought that I was only saying it because I was too shy to talk to boys and thought dating girls might be easier. Which is not the case... at all...

    As for what I think you should do or not do, I would recommend not trying too hard to talk to her about it. If she is confused about her orientation, it would be very hard for her to talk about her feelings when she doesn't even understand them. You could try subtly helping her, but it is so hard to talk about your sexuality (especially with your mom) when you're struggling with it. This is something that most people need to work out on their own, because otherwise they might be confused more by what other people tell them. Just try to communicate to her that she can talk to you if she needs to. (Even though it sounds like you have already tried this to an extent...)
     
  5. Blossom85

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 15, 2014
    Messages:
    1,377
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New South Wales, Australia
    I commend you for wanting to try to understand bisexuality, but from what you have said in your last post. It makes me certain that you really don't have any understanding of it and I am sorry if from the things people have said here if it is making you more confused..

    I can see where you are coming from, but for me.. Being bisexual means I can see myself have a romantic and sexual relationship with a man or a woman.. I don't think you can see the difference between having a friendship with a woman to wanting something more then just a friendship with a woman and that is not wrong at all.. You are just looking at it from a straight woman's perspective.. Bisexuality is no different then being gay.. It just means we have more of an option when we are dating cause we can see the potential in a romantic partnership from both genders.

    There is a different to loving a friend and being in love with a friend.. I have a best friend whom is a woman, has been almost my whole life and we are extremely close.. I love her.. But platonically and am not in love with her and I don't want to do the things I wanna do.. Sexual and emotional wise with my best friend that I wanna do with girls in general.. Like I don't want to cuddle and snuggle on the couch with my best friend or any of my other friends that are women.. I want the same connection with a woman that straight couples in a romantic relationship have. I don't wanna be with a man and a woman at the same time or have a relationship with a man and a separate relationship with a woman at the same time.. When I am in a relationship, regardless of what gender I am with.. I am monogamous and will remain that way.. It just means I find both genders attractive in a way that a straight person can't see from someone of the same sex as their own.
     
  6. Magnus Bane

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 16, 2013
    Messages:
    20
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Narnia
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Don't be upset that your daughter hasn't been open with you. It's pretty normal for people to come out to friends before parents, since friends are usually more accepting, predictable, and less high-pressure to people.
     
  7. Abdadhie

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2014
    Messages:
    121
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Sydney
    I think you should leave her alone. If she's bisexual then she will tell you in her own time. She might not be 50/50. Maybe more 70/30 or 40/60.
     
  8. Rose22

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 17, 2014
    Messages:
    40
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Australia
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning

    I Couldn't agree more :thumbsup:
     
  9. Vaettfang

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 20, 2014
    Messages:
    139
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    USA
    I've told my best friends and cousin but not any direct family. They may just be afraid to come out and embarrass themselves to someone that really matters to them. I'm just assuming, that's why I haven't come out to them.
     
  10. Otaku2014

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 13, 2014
    Messages:
    73
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Brooklyn
    There may be a reason she was keeping it from you, i am out to all but my family as transgender and pansexual. She will come out to you when she feels comfortable with you knowing, right now dont push the issue, it may damage your realtionship.

    Hope it helps,

    Josi