My daughter told a friend that she's bisexual

please help!!!:bang:
i am 37, straight, female. today i found a text message in my daughters phone where she told a schoolmate that she was bi. It is my impression that bisexuals are equally sexually aroused by men as they are by women. is this true? Physically?
I great portion of my problem with this does not come from an anti-gay place in my mind, its just hard to grasp what makes a girl that likes boys think that she should become sexually active with a girl. It has been my experience that young girls are made to feel like they must be gay if they can tell another girl is attractive. Soooo... I thought i was gay well into my freshman year in college but then i realized that all the other girls were just lying and everyone could tell who was "aesthetically beautiful" (based on social norms.) how can i help her discover her truth and how can i open the door to this conversation without scaring her, since she is obviously keeping secrets from me and does not feel open to tell me. I have tried being very approachable during convo. and i often bring up issues of sexual relations.(for Years). I blame media and society in general. just so you know i believe some people are born gay, some people become gay due to life experiences and/or choices. I don':help:t really know a good way to describe my beliefs about bisexuals so i wont try. please tell me what you think i should do and/or definitely not do.:help::help::help:

 

Re: Falling for and KISSING my straight best friend

Tumbler - Thank You! I'm so glad that you are a teenager.(!) ( Don't mean that in a creepy way) I am trying to say that i greatly appreciate an unfiltered response from a teen. My daughter is 16, a senior in HS. I don't wanna make it seem like i'm all about me so first i want to comment on some of the things you said then ask a few more questions. First and most concerning: Why wouldn't i go through her stuff? it seems absolutely crazy to me to think that there is any reason i should not feel welcomed to go through her stuff. ( i bought it. every last piece of it. And i made those little fingers she plans to use it with. (lol - jk - no really, i'm serious.) I know right now you think i'm crazy or stupid but don't give up on me, try to understand what i'm about to explain then if you think i'm crazy - fine please just tell me, then tell me y.
See people (family members, significant others) don't have a problem with that kind of stuff (accessing private items) unless they have a problem already. Me for example my baby knows where stuff in my purse is that i didn't know was there. I don't exclude her from anything except things that are negative or inappropriate. for instance when she was young i owned a gun. i kept it locked in a closet she could not open. I felt it was for her own good. Same thing with horror movies, all the kids watched them starting in the 2nd and 3rd grade. She was not allowed. But she never had a nightmare. I mean ever until she was in 6th grade but that was about a bear and she was heavily invested in the discovery channel at that time. Our conscious thoughts feed our subconscious. parents usually make decisions based on the perceived benefit of the child. Everything i do is for her benefit. people hide things that are hurtful, deceitful, unjust or unlawful. When people Love you you shouldn't hide the truth from them - unless they are crazy or abusive or something like that but just generally speaking, how is lying or hiding helping? People who really love you will always love you. They may not respet your decisions but they will still love you. im a mom. her mom. im here to help. ok if i dont know anything about a specific subject im still a good go to girl- should be the number one choice- cause i have an excellent record of resolution! Really i have resources available to me that her friends cant provide. i can make it happen. so where she is talkin to people that dont really know cause they are trying to figure it out themselves i can make it possible for her to interact with support groups, counselors, physcians, therapist. who ever . somebody that can help her understand the choice she is making. i know its not like she is going to fizzle up and die if she acts bisexually then in the later years changes her mind. my point is this: because im old i have the privilege of looking back at the choices that i and my associates have made over the last 20 years and i can make reasonable suggestions based on this knowledge allowing me to guide her away from the problems that i can. i cant protect her from everything the world has to offer but at least i can save her from the things that i know about. im saying during the formative years most sexually active people will engage in sexual relations with some people that they will later look back at wishing that they had never gone there. im pretty sure it works the same way in the lbgt community as it does in the straight community. even if it was a boy i still would suggest not having sex but only having emotional relationships. Even if you are not abstinent they offer a lot of good ways to gain emotional rather than physical satisfaction.most people want to feel the emotion of love which compels them to seek it sexually. also, i have spoken at length with her about this (because i work in the emergency room) there are so many sexually transmitted diseases that will completely destroy any plans for the future a person may have. many diseases are treatable yet not curable not only HIV will stay with you forever. i see so many girls with genital warts, most of them never even knew about genital warts, let alone that they could prevent her from ever getting pregnant which by the time they are 30 they might care a lot about. its the same with driving, teens start driving but lots of them kill themselves and friends siblings and strangers only blocks from their homes. That's why good parents send their kids to drivers ed., spend time being chauffeured so the kid can get familiar, its a way to prepare and protect the children. im open i need her to see that it is imperative for her to be open as well. i am the best friend she will ever have. no one on this earth would do more to see her happy. i have been watching a lot of uploads from gay people today a lot of Ellen and a lot of coming out stories. it seems so sad. the world is too hard to not be able to trust the person who gave you life and loves you to death.
i guess what i'm trying to say is if she does feel attracted to someone-talk to your parent so they can help you sort out stuff because even though you are not a kid you are not a senior citizen. get help from someone older who cares. The first person i asked what to do about this situation with my teen was my mom. Again i'm 37. but that is my mom. she will never just act like a hater and try to hurt me for no reason. somethings she says do hurt but i know (now) that she is telling me to help me. when i was younger i felt like she just didn't understand anything so i did everything my way. in retrospect i can not think of one single major issue in my life that she wasn't right about. but i only know that because it has already happened. i didn't know back then but my mom never really tried to talk to me she only spoke at me and i never listened. but although her delivery sucked. the message was always right on point! - now i know.
I definitely dont want to make any additional stress but i can i not leave her confused and alone nor can i leave her in a closet- no one should have to be in a closet. Shame is a powerful thing it will ruin a life. She can not be ashamed of her self and happy at the same time.
does this make sense? if so, what could i say to you in this situation that wouldn't ruin your moment and upset you, but still allow room for conversation?

 

Tumbler/ Blueskies: 1st Thanks so much for all your help. i wrote this really in depth response that has taken me all day but i have been writing in secret. so every time someone comes around i stop switch screens and help them this is time consuming and frustrating, somehow the whole thing i wrote is gone, i admitted in my lost response that i am not very tech savvy. I was telling you that because you guys were both concerned that i had evaded her privacy - oh what i said about that was pretty important i will try to recapture the highlights of what i was trying to say. 1) i saw the text when she gave me her phone to use because my phone is broken. (boating accident in the toilet.) it was already on the screen. i scrolled and read it. i probably couldn't have found it on my own. but i feel like im suppose to find stuff and make sure its appropriate. like checking you halloween candy. sometimes you gotta let go of a few loosly wrapped suckers. its my job to make sure they dont get eaten. also babys dont want you to hold their spoon they wanna do it alone. but no food actually gets in their mouth. so sometimes eventhough they cry cause your hand is on the spoon too and they want to do it, they still need your unwanted help. and its your job to provide help and if you dont, u will go straight to jail. try telling the police your baby starved cause she wanted to feed herself so you let her be in charge. see how that works out. its just a real to the point example of how i feel about all this its her moment, its her privacy crap. im glad i said that i reminded me of what i said earlier. (on the deleted one)
Privacy: 1st i wanna say the descriptive terms of dialect are very important. if there is no word in a dialect to describe the thing or activity it is most often not a part of that society. for example approximately 50 or 60 years ago the Japanese culture did not have a term in their dialect meaning kiss. The activity was frowned upon by their society and the mouth was seen as a harbor for germs and disease -(which that is true)
The culture adopted the English term for the action kiss it is pronounced "kiss-suh" even today most older Japanese people frown upon the activity. it is only a cultural difference, like how Americans greet with a hand shake and many Asians bow their heads instead. the point is there is an actual meaning to the word privacy: (according to Webster's office edition 1996) privacy means : 1.Seclusion or isolation from others. 2.Secrecy. none of that seems like the way social humans want to be treated. im not saying everyone's the same, but i think most people would rather be accepted and loved as they are, rather than be secluded or isolated to be able to exist as they are.
Closet talk:
there has been a lot of mention of these closets that everyone has all packed full. it seems to me like there's nothing in there but shame. No one should have to live ashamed of who they are. i believe we are all gods children an each one of us has something beautiful to contribute to society. not only gay people have these shame filled closets. I have done a lot of things in my life that im not ashamed of. Great example i stripped. not just once. i was licensed, i have pictures in the clubs, i only did this as a college job approx. 10 -15 times in my life but heck you get naked abot 30 times each time you go. its something that i did. i was young and when i look at the pictures its hard to believe that my body looked like that. 4 pack and all. im not ashamed but. back in the day an individual was able to maintain some "privacy" these photos that i have will never be leaked to TMZ if i decide to become president they wont be the reason i loose. but now days everything a kid does is recorded for ever!!! its not fair. Cause at a regular company not even a major corp. or a really lucrative position, at an average paying job this kinda stuff matters. Want to work at the bank? it will never happen if you have bad credit. want to supervise children or teach? shouldnt have slapped that dumb girl now you have violent tendencies and will never be a social worker, or a medical professional etc. Adults need to step up and protect the children from themselves at this point. i said it before they will steal your dreams before you even have a chance to dream them. If sexuality is as much a part of you as your arm, then the media pushes people to believe that you should start tattooing at 10. & that it is socially acceptable to remove your fingernails. & True its still your arm at 25 when you have a sleeve of tattoos and no nails on your nubs, & u are still the same person. and although discrimination is wrong, you will be required to keep that arm covered at work no matter how hot it is. & no your life is not destroyed because of this, but yes at 25 you no longer feel that barbie is the best and no longer feel that's a good motto for you. historically no other generation has been forced to keep all the proof of every choice they ever made in a bag to display every time they arrive. but for the kids of this generation there will be no escape. big brother isnt just watching anymore, now hes recording and he will rip out that video any time he chooses for the rest of your life. its too much to have to face alone. i am going to talk to her about the whole issue. you guys have been super great. thanks. they made me a thread - my daughter said shes bi or something like that. so i will let everyone know how things turn out . Again Thanks

Tumbler: im sorry to hear that your message wasn't openly accepted. but that's the thing about giving a speech, you must conform to the needs of your target audience. For example if you want to explain why you love jam to 1st graders. you would talk about the way it tastes, what you like to eat it with, who gives it to you and how they can get some. You would not describe the process of preservation which allows the berries to not ferment & become alcoholic. When you talk to people start where you think they understand, check if they are following you, if not back up and start a little farther back, take it slow, some of the smartest people are hard to explain things to cause they are too busy accessing all the information they have stored in their brains on the subject. be willing to try to talk more than once but don't just give up. one conversation can change your whole life. - My mother 64, just told me 37, that i need to learn to listen so if i could need to still learn so could your mom and dad. maybe the label is what is hard to accept. try not talking about your label but about how you feel about stuff. start with songs, media, pictures, movies. Tell them why. critical thinking discussions provide insight on point of view and attitude.
Most of all when they say stupid stuff, and they will. Don't take it to heart. Don't hold it against them. Breathe and explain that what has been said hurts, and why. good luck

 

@ wolf of fire : HAHAHA LOL!!! its so funny that you said that. I stopped trying to make her do things she didn't want to long ago. (ok there are a few things like cleaning her room and unloading the dishes- she still has to do it. she can take forever, she can drag it out weeks in a row if she wants but she can not go play until its clean. it will stay that way as long as shes here.) I have never forced a birthday party on her but i did give one every year, bootleg entertainers and all. but one year she said she would rather do an activity just me and her so we did. Of course she knows a party's always an option for any event.
seriously, i have thought about a lot of different aspects of my personality that may be the cause of her keeping this issue a secret from me. What i have concluded is i may be a whole lot of things - asshole,weirdo, doe-doe, silly, sweet, what ever. i am me. and i am her mother and how ever i am she just has to deal with it. if she has a specific problem with something i do, like im not understanding or i told someone else or what ever. we would have to just come to some kinda compromise about the way things should be done and then try as hard as possible to behave in that way for the benefit of our relationship. but i definitely get what you are saying. i hope that she knows i would never force her to be friends with a certain group or specific person. BUT. i most definitely would contact educated individuals who openly identify with being lbgt or a minority to help her have access to help and positive examples of success. There are lots of doctors, lawyers, military, athletes, politicians i mean you name it there is a successful lbgt person. i will make it my business to find out who these people are what they do and any positive resources or avenues that might be associated with them. As a black person i think it was very important to be aware of the contributions black people have made in my country. Also, i'm a woman i have done a lot of out of the box type hobbies historically thought of as guys jobs. I think it was fundamental to my own personal evaluation of self worth, to have female role models urging me to try.

---------- Post added 21st Sep 2014 at 06:03 AM ----------

Can i please ask what does pansexual mean?

 

elevendragon /wolf of fire: WOW. first, i have never even heard the term pan-sexual before. From what you explain the first impression i had was these must be the most non-discriminatory, liberal people on earth. I wonder how it is possible to not form opinions? how do you meet someone and not notice the outside of them? i cant help it. I think the truth is many stereotypes stem from a common thread in social behavior of a particular culture. for instance there is a stereotype about blacks having greater athletic ability than other races. this is simply ridiculous. but statistically a large portion of the professional athletes world wide are black , which means that a lot of black people have good athletic ability. I think i get it though, like you wear pants because they feel good not because of what they look like or who they were made for (men or women)?

 

@Tumbler:
Again Thanks. I cant find where you asked but some where you asked why I think people are gay. I guess my best answer is: for different reasons. I believe some people are born that way. As small children they are all super sweet. i think all people are loving creatures by nature and only when deprived of physiological needs (food, water, shelter base of Maslow's hierarchy stuff.) do they adapt and change. you see it in the choices they make. all toddlers are loving, small children too. some adolescents are just drawn to the opposite of what society expects of their gender. These people i believe are the "born gay-ers" then i think some people decide to live a gay life style because they have a better experience (maybe they attract abusive males but great females) with that group. i think these people are decide to be gay people, also there's a brainwashed gay category these people i think have just gone with the trends flow, i know everybody says its hard to be gay. i can imagine that, but also it seems like it might be easier if i didn't have so many requirements for my love for example if i just had to find a person to love me then i would have the whole population to choose from but if i like men i only have like 45 percent of the population to choose from, which seriously diminishes my chances of finding this bff-love muffin that i have wanted my whole life. i think these people are seduced / brainwashed into taking the quickest route to some form of happiness. like all the rest of the trends that society adopts waves of people just going with the flow.
since ive been on this site i have found out a little about a lot of stuff like pan-sexual. i think people just want to be free and happy and that manifest in a whole lot of different ways.
my opinion is ever evolving i think that is my best advice also keep an open mind to discovering who you really are, what you enjoy , what is important to you, and how that stuff effect what you think you might want out of your future. Don't be afraid to dream and imagine - that's where i think all good plans start.