Can people finding out their gay later in life make being gay look like a choice

With a male I think it would be just as bad. People coming out later in life, especially once they're married, should be seen as an example of how we train people to repress their feelings. And for the "it's a choice", what I never got is, if it's a choice, then most people choose not to be gay because they're not interested, and those that are do choose to be gay, so really there's no difference, because you still don't choose what you're interested in. It's a stupid argument all around.

 

Why is it with women we're always told we secretly like dick e___e;;

 

I think being gay is not a choice. Embracing your true sexuality is a choice however. For example, you can find out you are gay while you are in a heterosexual marriage and then have a choice to make: you can stay or you can decide you want to live as your true self (a gay person). So I would say nobody decide to be gay but every gay people decide to stay or get out of the "closet"...

 

I agree with Hel. Moreover, some people who are gay feel there is something missing, yet they don't know what it is. Sometimes it takes a while to figure out what that is.

 

I believe that. You feel in your heart from almost start even if you don't act on it right away.
Yes it is sad that some live deep into their lives and they reach that decision that they want to full live who they are.
We all have our emotions and feelings deep within our selves that we are who we are.

 

Many emotional/psychological responses people experience are so deeply rooted as to be essentially permanent and un-chooseable, in my opinion.

 

I can understand someone's confusion about this if they are heterosexual and never had to question anything about their own sexuality. From the outside it can appear that a woman was married to a man and was heterosexual, then decided at some point in her life to instead be homosexual. Or, that at some point in her life, her sexuality "switched." I think it can be hard for straight people to understand the level of denial and repression and even just lack of self awareness gay people go through in our straight-dominated culture. So, yes, I can see how stories like this might confuse people, but of course I don't agree with their views. It's frustrating with people like your parents who refuse to be educated, as well.

 

And with men, we're always told we secretly like pussy.

Honestly, it's disgustingly irritating. It happened to me once, when I told someone I preferred boys.

"You should try it out with a girl."
"I'm not attracted to girls."
"Every man likes pussy!"
you little piece of shit don't test me

And it happens with bisexual women, too - "they aren't really bisexual"? Bullshit. Just bullshit.

Haven't heard much about bisexual men, but I imagine they're going through some sort of pressure too. It's just really irritating.

As for the OP, I can sort of see, but barely. Your dad's point is probably the only point someone can make, defending that, and it wasn't even a good one, in my opinion.

 

Yeah, there's pressure on all sides which sucks a lot

 

I think some later in life stories make it look less like a choice because of the turmoil I see when people have to remake their entire lives.

But I think that some people honestly don't understand the distinction between sexual orientation and the act of choosing to have sex, a relationship, or a marriage with this or that person. I suspect that part of it is that relatively few straight people get into situations where they feel compelled to make a choice of partner that conflicts with their orientation, maybe only in a situation like being in prison or stuck on a naval ship at sea. As TheStormInside said, they probably have difficulty understanding the emotional costs of making such a choice long term.

Which is a long way of saying that some people lack imagination.

 

I agree with this post.

It definitely includes bi guys. A big one being that it goes along with that whole myth about bisexuality not existing - a bi women is just straight who is doing it to 'put on a show for guys', while a bi guy is actually gay and isn't fully ready to embrace that he is.

 

I personally don't think so, but I could see homophobic people twisting it that way. If anything, I think people not finding out they're gay until later in life is just another example of heteronormative social programming/conditioning.

 

Society says its not okay to be gay, and as you said, we've been told its great to be straight. Only, when we are truly mature and open to the possibilities, are we able to realize our true feelings, seperate to those of the masses. It happens at different ages

 

I'm tired of these posts sometimes as these post implies that everyone's sexual orientation has always been static, and these posts often project their own experience of sexual orientation to others. First off all, there is no good reason to believe that's the case when researches do not always claim that and there are studies that hints at the existence of transitional sexual orientation. Second off all, you are not a representative of everyone's sexual orientation. Third of all, if someone experienced a huge transition in sexual orientation or believes that's the case, it's pointless to try to convince those person that it was confusion as they'll tell you that what they felt and what they feel now is so genuine that they are not confused, and they'll disregard the confusion explanation as it does not match up with how they feel then and now. As some whose sexual orientation has transitioned from heterosexual to asexual, I have experienced being able to feel sexual attraction and I have tried looking back a million times, but confusion does not align well with what happened.

 

So.. you've kind of taken my comment out of context here. I get what you're saying and I'm not trying to imply that no one ever experiences fluidity in their orientation. It's my belief that to best understand a person's sexuality you ask *that person.* Making guesses and presumptions is kind of like taking a shot in the dark because everyone's experience is going to be a little different.

I was simply try to make the point that situations like this create confusion for people who have never had to deal with or question their own orientation. From the outside it can look like they made a choice, or that they experienced fluidity. I didn't mean to say NO ONE ever experiences fluidity or change in their orientation. So maybe this woman did, maybe at one point she was legitimately heterosexual and has found over time she is more attracted to women than men. But maybe she was always attracted to women and didn't realize it, or wouldn't acknowledge it. We can't really know without speaking to her or reading her thoughts on the matter.

 

It can do. People not forced to overcome it usually underestimate the effect that the pressure to be straight can have on people. But I think we need to stop caring what our opponents think.

 

No, since they probably took the time to figure it out completely instead of jumping to some conclusion that might not even be the case. Some people will say that it's a choice regardless of what age they come out.