Found out in a bitchy way my ex is getting married -probably over the next few months. He started dating her 2? Weeks after we officially decided to get divorced. He moved in with her almost immediately-Using our furniture and stuff. It made me feel very disposable. He was passively abusive in our marriage. A porn addict and minimally employed. I wanted to divorce him almost immediately. He does all the things with her I asked for years to do with me. This pisses me off. I could never get him to do anything with me but watch tv. He rarely sat with me. He needed his space. Even sex was not him desiring me but mostly "morning wood". Ok -since someone will call me on it- I did not desire him either but I did love him and slept with him out of love. Yes I'm gay but not to feel valued or wanted by a spouse even as a friend is a self esteem buster.
Sounds like your so much better fore being outta there for good. Forget about it, and revel in the fact you will never have to wake up to his "morning wood", ever again.
Hey Rose, The objective after every divorce is indifference, letting go, water under the bridge, and all that. As long as you spend time and mental energy on him, you are, in a sense, maintaining a relationship with him. His behaviour is infuriating, but it doesn't matter anymore...celebrate your freedom from him, both physical and mental!
Rose, you'll get to feel sorry for his new wife soon enough because he'll do the same thing to her. If that gives you any comfort, go for it. Lol! So how the hell are you otherwise these days? I feel so old and experienced now. Freedom is as freedom does.
Bottomsup -Yes your right. gw- I know. He has this creepy knowing to text or email me whenever I am doing something for me. He wants me to trust his future wife as a step mother though we have only met once. Biotech- Except for the past couple of days doing good. I do like my freedom in many ways. I've been doing a lot more from scratch cooking again. It's coming into that time of year for flannel and hoodys -Yay! I dressed more butch when I was married. I left all the hoodys but one behind in the divorce storage or ex got them. I need some black boots. So Ms. Old n Experienced what is your advice for someone out for nearly 2 years (counting from 1st person I told) and no dates? I still practice the lesbian eye contact thing at the market. How are things going w/you?
My ex was with someone else 2weeks after he left if not before. I don't know how people jump from one relationship to the next. I couldn't at the moment. Anyway karma prevailed and she dumped him! I know I shouldn't get pleasure out of it but if he hurt half as much as I do it's something. You are better off without him. His new wife will envy you soon enough. Hang in there and enjoy your new life. X
Thanks Penpal. I think whether they had slept together or not they were involved long before he said they were. I think when someone comes out as gay later in life everyone expects them to jump into dating and "exploring" their gayness right away. For me right now that would be unhealthy. Just when I think the roller coaster has stopped something else comes up.
Ha I've literally just come out of therapy after discussing just that. My life has been turned upside down again. You and me will be ok. One day at a time is how I'm playing it. You sound like you are sensible getting your life sorted before meeting someone else. It's lonely but I think it is important to be confident in yourself before you let anyone else play with your emotions. My day tomorrow is going to the doctors to sort out tests to see if My ex passed anything on as he cheated on me! Nice thought eh! I honestly never thought I would be at this point. I wish there was an EC party where we could all meet up. There are so many of us going through this at the moment. X
Rose - I'm still seeing the girl I met online in April of last year. She's moving closer but not close enough. Better though, at 50 miles instead of nearly 80. Easier to do a sleepover instead of just weekends. Lol. It's 50 degrees where I live and I'm about to break out the hoodies. No black boots yet but might have to get some. I love the look. Got my hair cut short AGAIN... Doing The Color Run tomorrow morning but I'm walking. Too fat, too injured (plantar fasciitis on top of a heel injury), and too far to run. Eating BBQ at the boss's house afterwards. Yeah, so much for burning all of those calories. Lol I might have to post the Society for Sartorial Emancipation pic again.
I see how you feel and it really comes through in the last line. You're free from all this now. Now the healing can begin. Whether it's romantic in nature or something altogether different, we've all got these watershed events that afterwards call for a time to heal and move on and up. ---------- Post added 12th Sep 2014 at 10:16 PM ---------- Hilarious to this part. "Morning wood" can be a bummer for us owners. If we decide to urinate somewhat "prematurely" in the morning, it can make somewhat of a mess.
Rose, You knew he was a self serving, ignorant, insecure, jerk with poor judgement long before you came out to him. This just confirms it. I simply feel bad for both of them. Such a waste of humanity. That chapter of your life is over, pay it no attention. Tom
Tightrope/Skiff - Thinking about it the "Why" this am. Why does his getting married really bother me? I thought I was moving forward. Instead the past year plus I've let him continue his mind games. I've been mourning a loss of his friendship. A friend doesn't treat someone way he treated me during and post marriage. I've known this for a long time and probably posted about it too. I am free. I just need to truly believe it.
If you didn't share a child (children? Forgive my poor memory) it would be a lot easier to truly put the relationsbip behind you. Instead, you have to deal with its transformation. The co parenting persists, and now there will be an official stepparent too. On top of that you probably have questions about what your marriage really was all about. I wrestled with that after my divorce- and it will be 3 years final in November. In happier news I'm approaching a year with my girlfriend. And this relationship is entirely different. She is the love of my life. Give yourself time and keep making that eye contact
---------- Post added 29th Sep 2014 at 06:51 AM ---------- Sorry I just couldn't resist the graphic... didn't mean for it to be that large
First; he is totally insecure man. He has to prove he is not gay because he OMG married a lesbian in denial. Past, history, forget him. Second; you may be judging yourself by "closet" standards which were always wrong for you. Let them go. ___ Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions.
