Hi everyone, I'm a bit confused at the moment. Before I came out to terms with me being gay, I would try not to check out guys and focus on girls but now, I feel it's the other way around, I should check out guys and not girls! I realized this as I was walking down the street and thought it was rather strange. Is it some sort of residual instinct from "before I was gay"? Does it happen to you too? Is it that I'm bisexual?
Well only you can know. Do you check them out because you find them attractive, or do you do it because you think you "should"?
I tend to look at them in an automatic way. Nothing happens in my brain when I look at them, it doesn't trigger any feeling. I think I find them sexually attractive but not romantically.
I think it's one of those things that only time will tell - and only you will know, in the end. I used to very, very occasionally check out men if I was with my female friends and they were too. But I never really did it automatically and unprompted. ie. I did it because it was expected of me to do it. But with women, I will check them out automatically - if I see a really attractive woman it will just sort of hit me that they're really attractive. With men, it is more an appreciative 'He's attractive', but with women it's a feeling - like WHAM! I think it's possible to find people attractive even if you're not attracted to their gender. I don't know if this helps! You may be bi, or mostly gay and a little bi. Or you may be gay but appreciative of female beauty or conditioned to look at them. One thing I've learnt is that it is easy to over-complicate things by over-analysing things. I used to scrutinise all of my actions and reactions - did that mean I was gay? That I wasn't? But what answered my question in the end was asking: who do I get crushes on?
Do you tell yourself that they're pretty as "oh, what she's wearing looks nice!" or that you'd like to sleep with them? Like the person above me stated, only you can tell. Perhaps you are bi after all.
I think yes, I'm over-analysing. In fact I try to label myself just so that it's easier to explain my feelings to people. Having to say one word is simpler (gay, bi, straight, ...) but I wouldn't need to find that single word if I didn't have to explain my sexual orientation to anyone. I think of girls more like "they are pretty/good looking/attractive" and not "I want to sleep with them". I can appreciate their beauty but I wouldn't get a crush on a girl (at least it's unlikely). Maybe I just look at pretty people, regardless of their gender. After all you are right ccdd: "Who do I get crushes on?" is the real question. Then the answer is guys, and thus I can classify myself as gay. Also thanks for the feedback, it's good to know that because I find a girl is pretty doesn't mean necessarily that I'm must be something else than gay. If that makes sense...
Maybe you're just bisexual. You just didn't know it. Try checking photos of girls and then check your reaction and by that reaction you will realise what you feel. I hope i helped.!
My first post. Let me say that there has always been an argument that bisexuality doesn't really exist. Not true! I am proof of that. Since the beginning of June I've had sex with three different women, one guy and hopefully a second guy very soon. (Still working out the details on that one!)
Glad we've been of some help! It's a difficult thing to know, but I did find that stepping back made things clearer. Otherwise I tied myself in knots and couldn't see the wood for the trees! And just focussing on the basics: who did I get crushes on? Who makes my heart flutter? Who do I keep checking has texted me? But even if you were a little bit bi, it doesn't necessarily have to change how you identify if who you want to have relationships with and end up with are men. If you're mostly gay, you could be bi to an inconsequential amount, if you see what I mean. But you will work it out in the end!
Like everyone is saying, only you know. Sometimes people check other people out because they look nice, or they are wearing a bright colour, or there is just something about them that draws your attention- and sometimes you want to sleep with them. It could also just be the fact that it is the "norm" to do so, and it is a habit from when you were in the closet.
It might mean that. You still have many years to find that out, though. Take your time, there's no rush.
Haha. Well there was one woman I used to have a bit of a sister crush on I guess you could say. I always thought that if I was straight, she would be the woman for me. I'm starting to think the same about a girl I know now. I am curious to try sex with a girl but I think I'm too far on the kinsey scale for that.
