How would you react if your daughter that already came out as a lesbian told you that she was actually FtM trans and wanted to be treated like a boy? I'm worried about how my parents would react if I told them, and if I should tell them at all.
I'm sorry but I don't remember what you said about how they took you coming out as lesbian. Let's maybe start there? (*hug*)
I'm going to pretend I'm not anywhere near FTM myself in order to answer this question...lulz... So I guess I might find it a little strange at first, but I would be loving and accepting because it's my baby and all I want is for her/him to find happiness in life. I would try to be supportive and try to understand the emotions and the actions involved in the transition. From what I've heard, most parents react with a little more resistance.
Well, I came out to them separately, and I cried both times. My dad was shocked, but he told me that he accepted me and that he still loved me, and my stepmom is a very open minded person, so she was just like "whatever, it's who you are." They both took it pretty well, but both said that it would be uncomfortable for them if I ever told them I wanted to transition from female to male.
Maybe you should give them a month or so to digest the first coming-out before throwing another one onto them. :/ It can be hard for parents to hear this sort of thing if they've never personally experienced our world through anyone other than their own children.
The key word here is uncomfortable, not disgusted. [personal experiences, optional read, i talk a lot] Spoiler My parents are similar to yours, except that they would probably freak out even more if I told them I was lesbian. Here's an excerpt of what my mom says every fucking DAMN time I try to bring it up: "It's like I'm losing you." "You're out of your mind." "I don't understand it." Here's what my dad says every fucking DAMN time: "Don't think too much." That's it. But, my mother also told me that she doesn't care what I do after I become an adult. I'm hoping that means when I graduate high school, not college. My point was that, even if they don't support you for the first few years, there's a big chance they'll come around, especially if they were OK with you being lesbian. If you're looking to transition, I advise you to come out a while before you start, because then it would not be in-their-face and it wouldn't be so sudden. If I were a conservative parent and my so-called daughter came out to me as trans, I would be really confused and taken aback. I'll ask them a lot of questions, and even after, I'd probably not understand it. Depending on their age, I'll bring up the "maybe this is a phase" or "you're too young" shit - not because I doubt them, but because I'm desperately hoping that they won't have to go through such torment, and that they will live a - hahahahaha - "normal" life. The thought that my child would be more upset that I had said that will not cross my mind - it's clouded with worry and concern. I don't want my child to be bullied, harassed, and discriminated against, so I'm trying to turn my child back to "normal"... haha... haha... hahahahaha okay but anyway Eventually, this child grows up, and eventually, they'll bring it up again. The hope that they have forgotten about it is crushed, but now I know this is what they want, and this is what makes them happy. They're older, now, and nothing has changed. Obviously, I need to accept it. But obviously, due to my conservative beliefs, I cannot. I will never, ever condone a sex change. But I will always, always support my child, and I know, sooner or later, they will get what they want and need. Being unsupportive will only hurt them more, I understand that now. So I'll say something like, "I don't approve of it, but you don't need my approval, right? Don't ask - I already accept you, and I don't care if you're my daughter or my son. You'll always be my child." [curtains close, happy piano music plays] If your parents love you, which, from your passage, I'm sure they do, they'll come around. 100% chance they'll come around.
You know, from my Trans friends who've opened up about this stuff with me, they say that's actually pretty common to be out as gay first.
If they reacted ok to coming out as a lesbian....maybe give them time between the revelations? I have learned here that its almost a 5 stages of grief thing - letting go of the life you expected for your children and for yourself as their parent - and then accepting what is. You can love and accept and understand but still grieve and have issues, I guess. If my son were to come to me now while I am still processing his coming out as gay saying that he wanted to transition to female, I think my little pea brain might explode. Just being honest. I love him and I would come around eventually but it would be super hard. I also admittedly have a harder time understanding that and think there is not nearly the education out there on that issue as there is on gay/lesbian. If that makes any sense at all. Best of luck to you!
I read what everyone else had to say and I think they are right on the money. I would just like to add that its very important for you to gather all the support you can find before you say or do anything. You came here and thats great! But keep going and find other resources in your area. I hope you stay here and continue to get support. Best wishes
