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My boyfriend is KINDA ashamed of our relationship

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by regret, Aug 13, 2014.

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  1. regret

    regret
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    We've been in a relationship for one month now but we've known each other for four months. Whenever we're alone, he's the most touchy boyfriend ever. But I'm not complaining. I love it when he does that.

    My bf and I, we're both volunteers of an NGO. When it's time for meet-ups, he doesn't talk to me at all, it's like I'm not even there. I always make the effort but he just doesn't respond. When our meet-up is done, we always go somewhere private. That's when he goes back to being touchy and romantic.

    It's so aggravating that I ask him, "Why're you like this? Are you ashamed of this relationship?" But he always says no; that he just doesn't want our co-volunteers to know he's gay; he thinks our co-volunteers are mostly homophobic.

    Basically, he's sort of halfway outside the closet.

    I can't blame him 'cause I've been to the same road as he's currently in. Only problem is, I'm fully out (except family). And it hurts so much to see my boyfriend ignoring me in public. He only does romantic stuff either when we're alone or when we are with really really really CLOSE friends.

    I can't afford to break this relationship because I love him so much and I know he really loves me as well. I know that we can accomplish alot of things together. We almost have the same interests and stuff. But I just can't stand it when he does that. I'm really confused, what do I do?
     
    #1 regret, Aug 13, 2014
  2. Kai LD

    Kai LD
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    You definitely should talk to your bf about how you feel and how important this is to you. Does he even know? That really sucks, I remember how it felt when even my gf in high school wouldn't be affectionate with me in public, unless it was really dark. Hurtful.
    (*hug*)
     
    #2 Kai LD, Aug 13, 2014
  3. regret

    regret
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    I tried to talk and I said "Wow, that hurts." And he usually just doesn't talk back, which hurts even more. :dry:
     
    #3 regret, Aug 13, 2014
  4. Hyaline

    Hyaline
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    He is likely over compensating for being touchy feely with you. In his mind he is worried others with notice your mutual affection and pick up on it. in truth, most people would never guess unless you pretty much kissed in front of other people.

    Have patience and be understanding. Rather than worry about what happens in public, enjoy the private time when you have all of his attention.

    Just remember, we all deal with our own demons...
     
    #4 Hyaline, Aug 13, 2014
  5. Anonymous777

    Anonymous777 Guest

    I haven't experienced that situation, but I understand how you feel. However, I would suggest being sympathetic with your boyfriend. Coming out is a very hard process, as you know.

    He's afraid of being criticized and disturbed by homophobic people. And I'm sure he doesn't want to be treated in a different way because of his sexual orientation.

    If I were you, I would be patient but I would encourage him to take some steps little by little as well.

    It's difficult but if you love each other, you'll be able to manage the situation.

    Best wishes. :slight_smile:
     
    #5 Anonymous777, Aug 14, 2014
  6. Candace

    Candace
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    I feel that your boyfriend still cares about what others think. I'm sure that he's touchy feely with you in the privacy of your or his home where no one can judge the two of you, right? He's just probably trying to save his and your reputation (as if being gay would somehow tarnish that reputation, but whatever). Have a frank and serous talk with him and tell him that it doesn't matter what people think. You seem to not really care what others think of your relationship. Maybe he needs to have the same mindset too.
     
    #6 Candace, Aug 14, 2014
  7. Mhin

    Mhin
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    I'll agree with Elpana. Your boyfriend still care and would probably mind what might other people think. He is not totally out and you should consider that.
     
    #7 Mhin, Aug 14, 2014
  8. regret

    regret
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    I appreciate all the replies. I'll update you all ASAP :grin:
     
    #8 regret, Aug 14, 2014
  9. PalestrinaMX

    PalestrinaMX
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    You should give him some time. You've only been a couple for a month. It's an adjustment. I am sure that with time he will grow to be more comfortable with it. :slight_smile: Good Luck!
     
    #9 PalestrinaMX, Aug 15, 2014
  10. regret

    regret
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    Thanks bro!

    ---------- Post added 16th Aug 2014 at 08:53 AM ----------

    UPDATE:

    Today, he went home to his parent's because it's his dad's birthday. He says we can't call each other tonight because his parents might know. I told him that I understand and I am willing to wait when he gets back. Frankly, a part of me feels sad 'cause I got used to him calling me everynight. But I'm also glad that I learn how to be patient and be mature enough to know his struggle in the closet. As a goodbye, I told him that I'm always there for him in thoughts and that I will miss him dearly until he comes back.
     
    #10 regret, Aug 15, 2014
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