What do you think about feminine gay guys?

Well my average amount of time pre-thinking before I respond is about 0 seconds. I tend to write/respond/think/and for the most part act off my initial reaction. I don't tend to spend a lot of time filtering myself so if something sounds/feels rude coming from me that's most likely why.

I don't know why it'd be offensive really. If you derive 95% of your personality from characters on movies like Mean Girls, can you really blame me for not 'buying it'?

I mean if someone came up to me and was like "Ayyyye" and then hit a jukebox I would assume they weren't being themselves, but rather trying to copy the fonz...it's kinda like that in my mind.

oh an another thing, that personality type is the one that you're 'expected' to be like when people find out you're gay so you might as well be holding up a sign when you act that way that says, "Yes, we're all this way feel free to keep assuming so." >.<

---------- Post added 13th Aug 2014 at 01:22 AM ----------

w/e you know what I mean >.<

 

As long as they aren't the type who act like uncivilized animals, I can tolerate masculine men. I have absolutely no problem with feminine men though.

Wait.

You mean that the character of an individual is not inherently based on their individual demeanor or presentation? You mean I shouldn't feel the need attached a disclaimer, specifying that they must be respectful and civil individuals, when offering my approval of the members of a demographic? You mean that by feeling the need to outline guidelines and expectations of character for the members of one demographic before expressing approval, while not feeling the need to do the same for another, is being assuming and detrimental?

Well, I can honestly say that I learned something today...

I cannot in good conscious claim that being a feminine male does not cause you to experience more obstacles in both the dating pool and society in general. I can, however, assure you that there are plenty of people out there who will accept you exactly as you are. The image that society bases these standards on are too often images of one-dimensional caricatures that do nothing to tell the actual spirit and character of most. There is far more to you than what people can assume from your style of expression.

Never forget that it is solely ignorance that fuels those mindsets and those who turn to ignorance instead of understanding are never worth your time anyway.

 

I think it's really quite simple - some people are more attracted to feminine guys, and some people are more attracted to masculine guys. As long as people are not being derogatory or rude, then there shouldn't be a problem.

There is a thread of this nature seemingly every week and it never leads to anywhere - and the discussions that take place are certainly not productive. Some people are not going to like you based on things that probably shouldn't matter - the only thing you can do is move on, because there are people who will like you for who you are. If you're going to spend every waking moment being upset because some people don't like you, then you are never going to get anywhere - and if someone is going to insult you because of how you present yourself, then you probably don't want to be in their company anyway.

As for myself - I am usually more attracted to masculine guys, but I would never rule out dating a feminine guy either. A feminine guy can have similar interests to me, and I can find them attractive, regardless of their demeanour, but I don't hide the fact that I find masculinity very attractive.

 

This is the second LGBT forum I've joined, and the second time I've seen this thread

I reckon just be yourself... feminine or manly, who cares? As long as you're happy no? And if that doesn't make you happy, ice cream always helps

 

What do you think about feminine gay guys?
...They're fabulous? :eusa_danc

 

It depends, since there's so much diversity within any group of people, that it's impossible to lump every one of them together, not to mention there are multiple ways someone can be considered feminine, and people's perceptions of what makes a person such vary.

In itself, femininity is just that: neither good nor bad. It's negative traits associated with it that get on my nerves: drama, shallow, narcissistic, passive-aggressive... but again, it's not reserved for any one group. I simply think it's more tolerated, and even encouraged, in some circles.

That said, I consider myself somewhat feminine, and would definitely prefer for a partner to be the same, or with a healthy mix of both masculine and feminine traits. That should make them more sympathetic to my quirky traits, in theory.

 

The only thing I dislike is when people overly exaggerate their personality - this applies to all people - men and women, masculine and feminine.

 

You: 1
Me: 0

---------- Post added 13th Aug 2014 at 08:45 AM ----------

Agreed. Very offensive.

 

See my post on page 1. I think a lot of the time people who state that they "don't get" or "dislike" feminine gay men merely dislike certain negative behaviours or traits that have stereotypically linked to feminine gay men, but really can be present in anyone. I think they are probably just poorly expressing it so it comes out like they are implying femininity is bad. Gay guys and the people in general seem to struggle to distinguish femininity, campness, flamboyance, homosexuality etc. You can have flamboyant or camp straight masculine men, you only have to look at glam rock to see examples.

You do see stones flung from both sides regarding these sort of stereotypes "feminine men are all bitchy", "masculine gay men are all internalized homophobes who can't accept themselves". In reality life is diverse, some people fit with certain stereotypes, others do not.

But you wrote "I view them as the only gay or bisexual guys worth dating.", which is equally bad. In as many words its saying masculine men are lesser; undesirable. Two wrongs do not make a right in my book. Unless you are trying to say that you too do not react well to criticism and lack the motivation to care?

You might want to consider how you phrase things then, as it definitely does come across as trolling sometimes, or at the least deliberately provocative.

Now that is fair enough, if you feel more comfortable dating feminine guys that is fine. People like what they like.

Although you still may find some feminine guys that might be more judgmental about the clothes you wear, "those shoes with that outfit?!" (ok, I'm joking there!).

 

Nothing against more feminine guys, I used to get nervous around the typical really extroverted and talkative guy, but that changed as soon as i took the time to get to know some people like that.

To be honest masculine looking/acting guys are the kind of people who get my attention quicker, but I would have no problem in dating a feminine guy. Being brave enough to be yourself even when many people will have prejudices against you because of that already says something good about the person.

 

Just relax and live on your own way and don't try to change yourself for anything .
I don't mind fem gay guys , i haven't met that many but i have a friend like that and i LOVE spending my time with him whenever i go to the states .
There are some fem straight guys too . I have several friends who are like that even here in the middle east . The common thing between them is that they a lot of sisters and no brothers .So they basically spend their life with girls . However people here misjudge them and say comments that might hurt them , and obviously to say they are gays in front of their face might offend them , as we all know it's not acceptable to be gay in theses countries .
There is something i have noticed here a lot , when a guy take care of himself and every now and then change his hairstyle or his general look and take care about his hair color , soft skin, ..... etc , the others says he is definitely GAY .
After all , people will always have their own thoughts . Unfortunately , they rarely keep them to themselves . So , if they are going to judge anyone always , so why should i care . Live your life in your way and be happy ^_^

---------- Post added 13th Aug 2014 at 01:41 PM ----------

About the attraction thing , it depends on the person . For me , i don't like very masculine manly aggressive men . There's always someone for everyone out there ^_^

 

I just really love feminine guys a lot more than masculine guys...

 

Well, this got out of hand pretty quickly.

As for the original question, like anything else I suppose it'd depend on the person, though I will say that I prefer more feminine guys in general.

 

At some point a thought might pass my mind like "this guy is feminine" and then I probably get on with my life.

 

Thank you for coming up with a compassionate response, even though I was being terrible. Yes, it is equally bad, I concede that. That was me coming from a really grumpy place both when I originally wrote it and when I defended it. I think there are positive aspects of masculinity, and I do have a few masculine friends who are insightful and compassionate people. I just felt rejected a lot in the past by masculine folks, and it hurt because I felt like the things they "identified" as reasons for not liking feminine people weren't true about me; they were true about a stereotype made up in their head. It's precisely as you stated, and I feel like some more of it is coming through in this thread. Femininity and certain mannerisms are getting confused, in a way that's unfair to femmes. "Valley girl" was identified as a personality type even though it's not. Femininity is a state of mind. It's not your voice above a certain pitch or the clothes you wear.

If I had been coming from a more stable place, I wouldn't have said that feminine men are the only men worth dating. I would have said that feminine men are more likely to express qualities that I enjoy and that make me feel safe. I also tend to have less experience with rejection from them.

Well, it's not just that I am more comfortable dating them. It's also that apparently, they are the only ones willing to date me. I have cruised enough of the dating sites to find stinging expressions of pre-rejection on a regular basis: "no fats, no femmes."

When masculine men have voiced their displeasure of feminine men, they have generally chosen hurtful and unproductive ways to do so. For example, one incident I will never forget is when a masculine gay man who is (or was) a member here posted a thread stating that feminine men bear a lot of responsibility for the violence directed at gay men as a whole. That's only the most egregious example. Others have also expressed the sentiment that they don't want to be associated with "camp" or "flamboyant" men (even if that's they way they really authentically are) because they feel that the mere existence of those people "fuels stereotypes," as though it's a person's duty to fight a stereotype for someone else's benefit.

 

EXCUSE ME !! :eek:
so you are saying we are trying to be like those stupid people on tv like that kid on glee or that guy from ugly petty ??!! you are absolutely wrong even though i find them interesting because i feel like they are a little similar to me but i don't act like them and im not being them im being myself and i dont want anyone to buy it :tantrum:
if that is the case let me say that most if not all masc guys try to be more aggressive because they see that on tv and act more on it to be more manly why are they so real and we are always fake in your eyes if some which i will say a very little percent of flamboyant guys are trying to be like kids on tv why should people hate every guy who acts similar and anyway tv is from real life if you find someone you hate on tv you don't have to be hating every person who is like that someone in a show its really not fair

 

Then I wasn't talking about you, was I?

 

Whoa, I didn't really pay attention towards the thread the first time around, and just attempted to answer the OP's query, but I can see things heating up a little here. At the end of the day, everyone has their own preferences. Why has this suddenly become a feminine vs masculine debate?

Also being feminine doesn't necessarily mean you're gay. I know at least one straight guy who has campy/flamboyant mannerisms.

 

The only gay guy I know is quite feminine and he is nice so I have no issue with them

 

Cute!