Bullying--what do you do about it?

Yea it's really messed up you guys and gals :/ but all we can do is support them and stand up for them and band together so that we can try and prevent it, some people only feel "big" when they pick on someone who is "small" he was one of those people :/ sadly he isn't the only one those girls were there to they encouraged him to do what he did in fact they banded together in an effort to stop me from…well stopping them? Like, what's wrong with the world? *SMH*

 

I was bullied as a child and I absolute won't stand for it. I hate how our school system has turned us all into helpless bystanders. Yes, call for help, but if it were me, I'd give them a piece of my mind! :tantrum:

 

We can and should punish our way to a better world.

 

I have been bullied, and a bully, so I believe I can speak from both sides.

For an idea of how I operated, check this thread post out.​

I'll begin with the more negative, as I tend to prefer concluding with a more upbeat note. When I was bullying people, I did it to fill a void. Anger, apathy, depression, loneliness, or just boredom -- I either fed my feelings, or I stimulated by mind into ignoring my insignificance. I became a slave to these emotions, and addicted to this forgetful-providing stimulation, that it was almost as if I wasn't living, but simply going through the motions, like some kind of machine.

Those who were quiet, sat alone, or showed up with cuts/bruises, were the easiest to find. They practically were screaming, "I have a crack in my foundation -- come and wreck me!", and so I would. The next easiest groups would be, those who were in the popular cliques, because so much of their self-esteem and purpose, were reliant on what others thought of them, and what they included them into. All you had to do was, sever that connection, and they'd be distraught -- and desperate enough, to allow themselves to become susceptible to your methods. The so-called outcasts, like the Goths/Punks/Emos/whatever, were fairly easy to move, because they all were seeking significance, and thus were more likely to accept a shot to their self-esteem, in exchange for a band of people to belong to, that was seemingly doing something.

I can only recall two times, that I was actually stood up to. The first, a group of so-called hard asses, had found out that I was attempting to pester one of their own, and decided to confront me about it. Basically, they ran their mouths, and told me, they had no issue with beating my ass. I just shrugged and walked off. The next day, I used the fact the school administration didn't like how they looked, or acted, and pretty much banked on that giving me a biased edge from school officials. Our school had a zero tolerance policy, which I exploited beautifully, and got most of them suspended (this is why I believe zero tolerance policies need to be re-evaluated, they're too exploitable)-- so much so, their numbers were too small and crippled, so they had no choice but to appease me, or wind up getting kicked out of school.

Ironically, one of them, I wound up becoming semi-close with, as I know consider him an associate of mine. It is funny how things can work out, sometimes...

The second time I was stood up to, the principal had been alerted to my actions, and called me down to the front office. I wound up convincing him that, all these reports, were just people picking on me, for not being acceptable enough to join their cliques -- he bought it, and actually put several of those who reported me, in detention. Knowing he did this, I wound up getting detention by being late, to all of my classes that day, which racked me up enough demerits. While in detention, I took note of everybody there, listening to their conversations, and just waiting for any slip ups of weakness or doubt, to later use, and pretty much, made their lives a living hell following this. They all backed off eventually, and I was able to resume doing what I had done before, with a renewed vigor because, once again, I had come out on top.

While I do agree, numbers can work against a bully, it depends on the bully. If I ever began to sense an overwhelming disadvantage forming against me, I would begin to break these crusaders away from a united front, one at a time, or in small clusters. I have noticed, those who are bullied, when alone, tend to do whatever is required, to cease hostilities. Together, they get that superior courage, and that can be quite problematic -- or, well, was problematic.

Looking back, and even thinking about that, I realize how horrible of a person I was. Just because I wouldn't face myself; I'd instead lessen the stress of life, by targeting others, or by making a game of it, and relieve my issues through them.

Now, being bullied. Especially early in elementary school, I tended to be picked on, because I was typically quiet. I didn't really hang around a lot of people, so, it made me an easy target. To little kids, if you don't have anyone around you, you must not be likeable, and if you are not likeable, you must be okay to point at and pester with. At first, this was easily shrugged off, but when young kids discover, you can get an easy and quick fix, by putting somebody else, others join in -- that, is when it becomes too much. I can recall being made fun of for "not being cool", for "having no friends", and, probably the worst, "for being ugly".

In my later years of elementary school, I had begun to define myself as a person, so I wasn't as picked on. But there were two people I remember, a boy and a girl, who tended to make my life a living hell. The boy would always, purposely, make me wait until last at recess, when picking teams, only to tell me, he didn't need "a piece of shit" on his team. The girl would always make fun of my clothes, because a lot of what I wore, tended to be a little rugged, or had holes in them. I wasn't poor, really, but I was going through a fascination with Grunge, so flannel and holey clothes were on the agenda. One time, this girl grabbed a knee hole in my pants, pulled them, and it ripped the entire leg off. She did it just to do it, and everyone was laughing...

I think, it was around this time, that the seed for becoming a bully was formed, because it was, around here, that I met my longest, and greatest, friend...

Anger.​

When I discovered the surge of confidence and power, anger provided, I was hooked.

If someone made fun of me, fuck them, I didn't need them.
If someone didn't want me to hang out, fuck them, I didn't need acceptance.
If someone found me off or uncool, fuck them, I didn't acknowledgement.

All I needed was, this satisfyingly quick ability to feel untouchable, to feel above all, and to be assured of delivering whatever I wanted. Unlike others (up until this point), anger always made me feel good, warm, confident and in charge -- something, nobody else could do, or had done.

When I started to embrace myself, even the more self-destructive parts, I was able to discourage those who bullied me. Eventually, seeing all these results, I was left with only one conclusion: If I didn't want to be back, where I was, I had to keep going where I was, even if it meant putting others under the bus. I refused to be put in that situation again. Ever.

I didn't realize it at the time, because anger is a deceptive bastard like that, only concerned with feeding itself and not tending to it's carrier, but by living like this, I was only becoming what had made me like this. I was becoming, just another statistic, for those who picked on and bullied others. I had become enslaved to the hierarchy of school yard politics, as opposed to becoming aware of others, like me, who suffered in silence or aloud. Instead of becoming a supporting and helpful hand, to show them, that there was a little hope, a bit of kindness, a sense of love, in these hallways and playgrounds, I discarded such notions and became the very thing I, now, detest almost more, than anything else.

But, despite the lost opportunities and wasted time, lessons were learned. A bit later than I would have liked, yes, but better late than never.

All that said, have I stood up to bullying? Yes, of course. I don't put on a cape and do it every day, but if I see it, yeah, I step in. Interestingly, when I was being a sort of bully myself, I stood up to other bullies:

An Example of Standing Up To Bullying​

Other incidents have surfaced, but not as often. I tend to just need to be around, tell people to 'cut it out' and, looking like I could kick an entire bar's ass, people back down and listen. The very few knuckleheads who, for one reason or another, do not step down, tend to get put on their ass REAL quick, and stop after that.

I suppose I had best stop, here, before I break some kind of post-length record. This is already getting quite lengthy, but it's a topic I feel passionately about, because it was a part of my life, for such a developmental and significant amount of time.

 

Thank you kaiser for the thought you put into that post

I think that most people do not understand that they can stop this like I'm serious I mean I live in Phoenix the biggest city in az so I guess it's very different from someone who lives in a smaller city than I do, I go to a school with 3,000 other students my elementary school had 700 students so it's obviously different here compared to other cities. I've watched movies and documentaries and I think wow stuff like that doesn't happen? But I never realized it happened, it was always going on behind some building where the "outcasts" would gather and then try to gang up on us? While I was going about my life, laughing loudly in the hallways with my friends a girl was getting her ass beat behind the school cafeteria?

So the schools admins had big problems with who did what and yes like kaiser said a no tolerance policy can be bad unless there are systems in place to prevent false accusations, at my school and most in Arizona there are cameras in everywhere. So the school officials were able to handle the situation very easily but I guess the point of this is just to remind all of you that we can all do something to prevent incidents like this one, we all make a big impact guys, we can help people and protect those who CAN NOT protect themselves. Come on guys.

 

In the past I wouldn't had the guts to do anything, but now I would help.

 

I would go and get a teacher. Even though i might be tempted to go and do something myself it would be smarter and more effective to get someone who can actually do something about it. When i get bullied i just ignore them and continue with my life, even when it gets physical like punching i don't show any signs of pain and pretend not to notice and continue. It always works and they stop after just a few weeks except once when the kid got so angry and frustrated that he couldn't even get a wince out of me that he slammed my head in the wall hard. But a teacher saw it and that was the end.

 

Can't really do much I am always being targeted by them. I tend not to stand up to them because sat time I did a kid tried to ouch me but I put him on the floor becuz I know martial arts and I got suspended for a week :/ the kid got In school for 2 days so ya I'll keep to myself cuz there is no point.

 

I would confront those motherf***ers. I DESPISE bullying.. I was bullied when I was younger because I went from being a loud/outgoing kid to a shy/quiet girl.. I was dealing with appearance issues and puberty ontop of that made me hate myself completely.. so then I guess this stupid ugly mole faced girl thought it was the perfect opportunity to throw her hate on somebody else. I don't know what happened to her in her home life but she was a little bitch. This one other girl who was also ugly as joined in on it at one stage.. so from 10-11 years old I hated going to school. I ran away from school any chance I got. They stopped in high school but the damage was already done. They contributed to 5-6 years of severe social anxiety for me to endure.. I have overcome most of it.. There are still days I suffer from it though.

If I EVER see someone getting bullied no matter how heated the situation might be I will go in and tell them to back off politely and if that doesn't work then I will yell at them in the most frightening way. If THAT doesn't work then i'll either grab the person being attacked and tell them to come with me.. then i'll have a nice chat to them about standing up for themselves.. or I will pin the bully up against the wall and yell at them right in their foul faces. because it is something I should have done when I was younger.

Well done on doing what you did.. That shows great human compassion and bravery.

 

never personally saw it (except in my life)

but my action is personal and professional. I do therapy/counseling with many bully victims. So I do my part