gay men and their dads ???

My dad's a workaholic bank exec, so I never really got to interact with him as much as I did with my mom growing up. Yeah, we'd occasionally play catch in the yard and he showed up to the one basketball game where I actually did anything, but for the most part he's on the phone or computer doing something for work. He's not really super-in touch with any of his three sons, but he generally has a clue. I did get to bond with him more when he was diagnosed with cancer in 2010, but I would've preferred to do it sooner (luckily, he's made a full recovery!). He accepted my brother being gay fairly well, although he was sorta pissed when his sister (one of the few relatives I can stand) came out. That had more to do with lying to her husband, kids, and family just to hide her sexual orientation rather than "gays are sinful". I have to say I'm generally on board with him on that point. He is a bit disappointed that all three of his kids are "squares" who don't like sports, but meh.

Also, apparently a good sense of humor skips generations, since he has a very crappy sense of humor while my grandfather and I are much more ribald

 

I think a coincident. My dad died before I came out

 

Nope, not at all with me. I adore my dad and I somewhat get along with my mom. I never fight with my dad and usually fight with my mom. So, it depends on one's childhood and circumstances, I suppose.


Let's just say that my parents divorced when I was younger. My dad actually found someone whom he loved, and my mom got insanely jealous. Another motherly influence on my kids? So my mom just tried every fiber of her being to make sure that I never saw my stepmom nor my dad. So I still have distance issues with her. I think that she's completely overcontrolling, rude, manipulative, difficult, and passive-aggressive, which I try to deal with, but I wind up isolating myself due to just not wanting to deal with any crazy antics.

Aside from everything, my dad has taken me to all 50 states, on many vacations, always put a roof over my head, a bed to sleep in, food to eat, a superfluous amount of education and knowledge that I owe to him. He's super goofy, funny, and probably the smartest guy that I know.

 

My dad and I don't get along at all with substantial issues. We can make small talk, but we argue quite on most everything else. I got spanked and belted often as a child, and I was a good kid. He also shoved me hard against the wall when I was 12. There was verbal abuse, and he was frequently spitting mad(literally). I grew up in fear of him and still am at times. He does have a switch he can flip, and he can be the nicest person when it does happen. He is overly controlling with my mom which has bugged me more and more the older I get.

My mom was always someone I talked to about friend problems or moral support when feeling down(advice etc.). My dad has always favored my brother, and my mom gets along better with me than my brother. So yeah, I am a momma's boy, and I don't care what anyone says.

 

I get along with my father, but I don't feel emotionally close to him.

 

I'm a girl, not a guy so I hope it's okay if I post here.......


I get along with my daddy fine, we are not best friends but we are alright

 

My dad's been great

 

I last saw my Dad when I was three years old. He never bothered with me or my sister after that. If he could walk away back then, then I don't want to know him now. I can't miss what I've never had.
Like Redneck says, I wouldn't know him if we crossed in the street.
I've only got my Mums word so maybe there's another side to the story, though I'll never know.
I could never abandon a child if it were mine, even if the mother didn't want to know me, I'd still support him/her any way I could.

 

My dad walked out of my life (and my mum's and my brother's) when I was four. Thats 43 years ago!

About three years ago he contacted me wanting to "patch things up". Since then we have maintained a sporadic, polite email correspondence. But the bottom line is I do not feel like patching up something that, as far as I am concerned, never really existed.

 

My dad is amazing, I would hope to find a man who shares my dad's qualities. He was the most accepting and always made me feel like I am who I am and he will always love me.

I have a lot of respect for my dad

 

My dad is probably the most homophobic person I know but at the same time he can be the most nicest person.

We have share the same personality and sometimes we don't. He comments on how he is disgusted with gay people but he's also the type of person who gives food to the homeless.

With that being said, I don't think he's the reason I'm gay.

 

Atleast he tried to contact you, that's something.
Mine is royally ignoring me for the last 20 years. I met up with him a few times, we chatted like complete strangers for an hour and left, didn't even ask for my e-mail or something to keep in touch. I guess father issues apply to me :dry:

Looks like everyone whose father walked out when they were young don't really need a father, I have always said that I can't miss what I never had... is that a father issue or is that as 'issue-less' as it can get?

 

Interesting. I only know of 2 guys whose dads were airline pilots and they were both gay. And I'm not talking the regular sized planes, but the big ones operated on international routes. I don't think it's causal, either. However, it could be an added factor. Perhaps it had to do with the fact that their dads were gone for a long time, powerful and successful, and womanizers. I don't know. I knew 2 girls whose dads were airline pilots. One of them was about 35 and out in the dating world, and made a remark that her divorced pilot dad's female love or sex interests had to be younger than her.

---------- Post added 10th Aug 2014 at 06:37 AM ----------

Yeah, the figure of matriarchal African-American househoulds is somewhere around 2/3. I wonder why this number is so high compared to other groups in the U.S., but it has been around that figure for a long time. The percentage of black gay men isn't any higher because of that family dynamic. However, without knowing all that much about that community, the term "on the down low" came from that community, to describe African-American men who dabbled in sex with guys on the side because a gay or bisexual identity is reportedly tough to maintain in that community, based on what I've heard and read.

 

Just a coincidence and a dumb stereotype.

Me and my dad get along great, and we've never had issues.

 

I gotta agree― it seems like a coincidence if anything.

My dad and I get along just fine. Although we don't talk about dating, we both love talking about programming and games and stuff. ^_^

 

I think my dad still struggles with vestigial prejuidices but does not seriously hold to any of them. He is a complicated person and I love and admire him. Hopefully when I start being more "myself" he won't feel like I deceived him all these years. He knows I am bi or whatever but I haven't told him a thing about the gender thing. "I am still the son that you brought to the the Boy Scouts and the arcade and talked with and laughed with, even if I am going to be different now. It is still me, and more it's me showing who I am." I have tears in my eyes just thinking about what that conversation is going to be like.

 

I agree with you here. Me and my identical twin brother are both gay. We have the same genes so it makes sense we both would be. I've also heard of a family where 5 out of the 7 siblings were gay/lesbian. Genes must be involved!

 

My Father is the man I admire most in the world. I'd be lucky to become half the man he is.

I'm pretty sure he'd accept me for who I am. Nearly every time I talk to him he says "love ya buddy" or something to that affect. It's my mom I don't trust. In all honestly, resent. Sadly, he seems to be madly in love with this woman. I'm afraid she'd have him cut off contact with me. As shes a religious nut. (She called me a satanist in the 6th grade for coloring my hair, basically holding my head under water to wash it out.) Though he likes the whole Jesus thing too, but I'm sure he'd get past it.

I could tell you story after story of this terrible person I'm forced to call mom. She is the Number one reason why I'm closeted. Thinking about her pisses me off to no end.