wanna be with a guy

That is understandable. Just do it honestly.

 

I would also encourage you to be open and honest with your wife. Does she know that you are bisexual? If not, that would be the place to start. I would strongly discourage you from doing things behind her back - it will eventually be exposed and it won't be pretty.

 

Hi Doglover44

I would agree with Jim in not going behind your wife’s back. My wife has been amazing and so understanding, in the last year since I came out to her insisting any guy I find for a friend with benefits arrangement should be good looking. You may find your wife is also supportive but only if you tell her beforehand.

SGG

 

I agree that honesty is better. Might not be easier, but better.

It hasn't always been completely smooth, and there's absolutely a few things I wish I could take back from a few extremely open conversations with my wife, but overall it's much better than I could ever imagine it could have gone if I'd just cheated or something.

In some ways, we are actually closer than we were before. Although, it's a bit of a funny feeling thing to be giving your wife relationship advice.

 

Big hugs!

 

I concur with others here. Sit with it for a while, maybe, and see if the feeling remains over a period of time. If you are already married and love your wife, it is worth not rushing into anything, even telling her right away might not be the best thing. I would wait a while first. You could always explore this desire in fantasy, because really, that hurts no-one...and remember, every action has a reaction, so yeah going behind her back, I'm sure you would not want to do that...cheating's an awful thing to do.

 

your in a ticklish spot here man, go slow.

 

life's too short to be unhappy, as you get older it only gets worse, especially if you end up tell them, because they'll most likely feel extremely bad about themselves for wasting their time/life with someone who was not who they thought.. i would much rather leave someone and let them find happiness in their life rather than tell them and still be unhappy/uncertain/dysfunctional relationship. i don't know how old you are, but don't wait until your 40+ to leave her because you can't do it anymore. you'll create so much more pain.. personally, i don't know how some guys do it long term, i sure couldn't deal with lying to myself, i felt like a pathological liar.

 

by go slowly i mean, take some time to figure out what path you want to take and how to take that path being fair to yourself and to your spouse. this probably isn't what she signed up for, you said you love your wife; be as kind to her as you would be to yourself.

 

I mean, you don't want to make yourself miserable, right? You'd also be making her happy as well since she can be with someone else who'd want to love her more than just a friend. Cut your losses now before it gets any worse, and just be happy! You'll be happier since you're going to be with a guy and she'll be happier as well because she can be with a man who will undoubtedly love her and pleasure her (and not have to hide about it).

 

This we know. Nobody is suggesting that you can do anything about liking men and women.

But it is your decision whether or not you talk about it with your wife. She is supposed to be the most important person in the world to you - and you are to her. So keeping something like this from her - especially if you're considering acting on this desire with out her consent or knowledge - is extremely unfair.

You're an adult. You made a commitment. If you can't keep it, then essentially you need to 'renegotiate' that 'agreement' you have with her.

I was in the same boat. I had same sex attraction but didn't tell my wife. Unfortunately, I found a whole lot of other web sites before I found this one. The other ones gave the impression that lots of guys cheated on their wives with other guys. So chatting eventually turned to sexting. And sexting turned to phone sex. And phone sex turned to meeting other guys for sex. It's a really slippery slope.

When I finally had to come clean and admit what I had been doing, my wife was more devastated by my infidelity than she was with the fact that I was gay. My being unfaithful was much worse than being gay.

And if there comes a time when you need to talk to your wife about this (because you've fallen in love with another man, or you've contracted an STI that she needs to be treated for, or you're caught in your affair, etc...) she WILL ask you if you have been with another man while the two of you were together. And it is MUCH easier to have that whole conversation if your answer to that question can honestly be "no".

Trust me - I've been there.

And you don't need to 'try it' to see if you like it. You don't need to 'get it out of your system'. It isn't fine because it's with a man rather than with another woman. I used all those rationalizations and saw after that that's all they were - rationalizations.

That's what we're trying to get at here.

Not to suggest that talking about it is easy. Or without risks. But if you feel strongly about following these desires for men, then the only right thing to do is to tell your wife what is going on, and what you're planning to do, and let her come to her own conclusions as to whether that would be fine or not.

 

But which one makes you the happiest? Again, don't make a decision just because others are wanting you to. You are your own person. But if you are wanting to make that decision, then you must inform others on it, such as your wife, so that way she doesn't have to spend another day believing that you solely want her.