Hi All. I would not trade the past year for anything. Don't get me wrong, it has not been all Skittles and giggles this past year. It has been a hard year but the most rewarding of my life... You name it I have had a taste of it and survived. What society says destroys only has brought me love and peace and an understanding of the falsehoods of society which are illusions once beyond them. In the end hardship can be a blessing for the lesson it holds. Love to all. If you have to focus on an emotion let it be love. Love can create an calm eye in any storm. Simply choose it. Tom
Definitely. It's been an emotional rollercoaster, but the support I've gotten from so many people has been inspiring. A gay friend who's been out for decades warned me that I'd have a year or two of more emotion that I knew what to do with, but in the end I'd end up happier than I've ever been. I can see that happening. Some of the craziness is beginning to calm down as my wife becomes more accepting of the changes in our relationship and I learn how to stand up for myself. Not only did I not accept being gay, I also didn't accept the fact that she and I could have an equal say in anything, and that's been a very positive change. The journey isn't over--my next big step will be starting the separation proceedings in September, so the court dates land after all the standard family holidays and don't spoil them. Another challenge, but a huge step towards being able to live the new life I'm looking forward to.
As I am just starting on this year's journey, these words are helpful. I am feeling like I am in a paralyzed state of terror at the moment. A part of me is screaming inside to be free to be out, to be real, I long to recover some of the life that has been kept behind this internal fortress. Another part is fighting to keep control of the situation and to hang onto the facade and the secret. I really do feel like screaming tonight. I don't know how to take the next step. I continue to build and nourish the facade at work, in my marriage. I feel like shit. I am so afraid that if I take the next step in talking to my wife that i will sink even lower into the abyss. I hate the life I am living, but I am not sure I can survive the "in-between" stages that some of you talk about. I feel like just running away and disappearing and starting over completely. This would be so much easier it feels that actually facing the truth with my wife and all the extended family and friends. I just cannot believe that I am 53 and just now discovering the real me. Josh
Skiff, thanks for this thread. THis one and a few others recently have talked about how it is some time after the tumult of coming out to wife and all. Those of us trying to walk across this bridge desperately have this need to know what life is like on the other side of that bridge. Still only just beginning my walk, it gives me hope. marriedover50… I am exactly where you are… I am so struggling with the pain I am causing my wife right now as the cat is out of the bag that my sexuality is in question but that I am working to figure it out. She is hurt for sure, but I have to be honest. I too can't believe how hard this 'in-between' stage is. And, like you, can't believe I am just discovering the real me at 58.
"In the end hardship can be a blessing for the lesson it holds." Couldn't agree more Skiff, thanks for starting this post. Also "Married over 50" - Paralised, state of terror - I think these are words that can describe the feelings of most of us on the Later in life section of EC. I have just had the 18 month anniversary of going to my first lgbt event. Its been so difficult but also so worth it. I can't believe the way I behaved when I was living in the closet, my life is a million times better now. xx
