What should I think about my bestfriend?

also guys I want to ask all of you what kind of judgent I should do to choose a therapist? I feel really lost about, I don't want to make a wrong decision aboout the psychologist .

 

yeah, I'm going to give him space.

Yes, I realize the same conclusion as you. I got other friend who has been through some difficult things in his life and he understands me really well and make little comments that can make you feel good although it's a simple comment as "It make me really glad and happy see you today" and that kind of things.

But my best friend confessed me some time ago his bullying issue was not that difficult for him and he never cries or feels bad about almost anything. Even when we were talking on friday he told me that "I was sad because I wanted, playing all the time the victim role because I KNOW THE SOLUTION" (he was really frustrated in that moment I think). So, it's true what you said, he doesn't understand that feeling bad is not something that you want or something like that, it's just we used to live with this kind of emotions and sometimes we seem more happier or less sad than other moments.

Yeah it's pretty normal he felt frustrated. He compared me to a baby who is always crying without he knowing what to do. So, I'll try my best to avoid talking about my depression issues. But what do you think about talking about sex? Because I don't know if he is tired of this too. I guess if he felt tired of this he would tell in the discussion.

Thanks for your comments guys (*hug*) But did you know again what should I look for in a therapist in my case? I don't want to make a wrong decision.

 

Hi again guys

Well, I didn't see him after the discussion until tonight (I have to admit I have been avoiding the moment not going to class and that kind of stuff :icon_sad. I contacted a therapist and told him thought message I was really scared about talking to a stranger about all that stuff, he told he was really happy for me. Guys could you give me some tips about not feeling so scared about going to the psycologist?

We hanged out but we didn't talk about it, I tried my best to not talk about the issue but still feel like he is uncomfortable around me, like we went to a shop for a moment to buy some beer or something and he went out really fast just to avoid being alone with me, even I told him "but dude, stay here it's just a moment!" and he almost went with the other people after a few seconds, or it happened the "uncomfortable silences" between us... It hurts me A LOT because I'm EXHAUTED ABOUT EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE and just need some comprehension and sympathy for him but I think it's not a good moment in our friendship because everything is really weird right now because of all of this ... And all the time there a lot of things that hurts because it feels like he has replaced me with the gay guy and all that group of friends. Him and the gay guy are hanging out about everyday and when I ask him "hey how was your day?" (like a really normal message between friends, and even without knowing they have hanged out, so it's a really inoccent message) he didn't reply and when he did, he talk about other issues. It's like he doesn't want to tell me he had hanged out or something... So, it feels pretty bad .... I feel like I have to use a new kind of way to gain his sympathy but I can't because I'm exhausted...

BUT STILL WEIRD STUFFS happened...we didn't almost talk between us but we drunk and he started to tell me things like "I'm going to fuck you!!!" and things like that out of places (well everybody were having fun, but he told me that like whispering). Then, a friend said she have been feeling uncomfortable with some homosexual girls who claim she is "straight but bi". She was really defensive because "she likes dicks" and then my friend started to say "you know, when I hanged out with (the gay friend) and all his gay friends they told me and ask me all that kind of question about my sexuality, and indeed when I went to my house I HAD DOUBTS ABOUT IT, I was really fuck up with the issue (that was the day before we have the "argument") because "why not? and what if I like it?" but then thought "WTF i'm straight why I'm questioning myself, I like pussy, I LOVE PUSSY"" SO THAT'S WHAT HE SAID... I think he said that because he was pretty drunk because he would never admit that kind of things.

And that's almost all what happened...I really thank you guys for your replies beccause I can't talk to him or other friend about my delusional love for my friend... and now it hurts me a lot all this things...but hope everything gets fine with the therapist :icon_sad:
Also, I would like to tell him "dude, I have some feelings for you, sexual and romantic feelings and I don't know what to do with them because you're giving me mixed signals, this never happened me with a guy friend"...But THAT WOULD BE JUST....I think our friendship would not recover after that kind of things

 

hi again, thanks for your reply, the last friday I applied all you said and I felt REALLY BETTER, I ignore him when he felt uncomfortable, give him spaces and didn't push him into talking to me or something and the most important thing didn't talk about my problems, yesterday I also regreted meeting him in order to meet other friend and it was totally fine.

BUT TODAY I have to take some photo of him almost naked BECAUSE OF A PROYECT (it sounds WEIRD but that's the truth) and guys, I think we both ended really horny. I can say all the thing we said but it's a really long list full of phrases like (him) "you know, when I went to a places like this half naked, I always get hard" (me)"oh really? so why not ttoday?"/ (him)"THIS MORNING I got a dream about someone sucking my balls, and that was amazing..." (me) "shit, my dick is hanging out, wait a minute" (him)"Oh you're not wearing underwear now?" "yes I wore but my dick just hang out"/(me) "I will send you the pictures and also a dick pic" (him) "oh really? okay show me that picture, so I could laugh about your tiny dick" / (me) "what kind of profile picture is this, you look about to get a bukkake" (him) "hahahaha it's me waiting for my cumshot" AND ALL THAT KIND OF STUFF, then I SENT HIM a photo of him like he was with his dick out and he just said "you silly hahaha" and now REALLY I WANT to make the move and send him a message telling I want to experience something with him, I HAVE NEVER DO ANYTHING LIKE THAT with a GUY, and also that would be really enjoyable for both of us because we're cute, we are always joking in a really sexual way, know each other tastes, and first of all, this would be JUST BETWEEN HIM AND ME, nobody would never know.

WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK? should I tell him this now? :eusa_doh: it's risky because all the drama we had the last week but today it was TOTALLY DIFERENT in a sexual way. :icon_redf:icon_redf

 

thanks for your opinion, I will wait. After reading my own post. Oh my god, I must seemed really desesperate for sex with him hahaha but I will wait and give him space and just flirting when it feels to do it and that kind of things.

 

oh my god guys, you would never expect what happened.

I told him after a REALLY LONG DAY FULL OF SEXUAL JOKES, I have been feeling confused and some curiosity about us and that kind of things. And his response was UNEXPECTED. He told me he didn't mean anything saying that kind of jokes, even said we said almost the same jokes to other friends. (I agree with him in some points, but not really). AND AFTER THAT HE TOLD ME he has to confess me something ....HE HAVE BEEN feeling a "special" connection WITH A GAY GUY (that guy has a boyfriend and is friend of the gay guy I said before). I FREAKED OUT. I have seen him talking and trusting really fast that guy but I WOULD NEVER EXPECT HIM FEELING A "SPECIAL CONNECTION" WITH HIM. He said "it's not like I like him...because I like girls but we have been talking so much that I don't reject that idea"

He also told me he never expect feeling homosexual thoughts but now he didn't refuse them. I'M REALLY CONFUSED RIGHT NOW. BUT REALLY CONFUSED. What should I do...? I don't know IF I CAN APPROACH HIM in a respectful way or if I should give up and give him spaces to fall more to the other guy...:tears::eusa_doh:

ALSO I told him thats the same it's happening to me with him. We would meet in a hour but he didn't response...so I guess I should give him space and just be kind

 

I told him I have been feeling some curiosity about somethig between us...in a sexual way. I tried not to tell him about romantic things because I guess he knows I got that kind feelings because all the drama some weeks ago...But right now...I guess he just think I was all in a friend way. SHOULD I TELL HIM I got both feelings: romantic and sexual for him?

Well, today I meet him with other friends. At first it was awkward but then we did the same jokes (not as sexual as yesterday) but you know...the flirting thing was still in the air. We laughed and have fun, so I THINK he is not totally uncomfortable about knowing that.

However he still didn't response my answers through the smartphone, he didn't even read the message. So, I don't know what to think. I guess he will do it this night when he has time to do.

BUT RIGHT NOW I'M MORE CONFUSED. :icon_sad::eusa_doh: what should I DO. I can believe I told him I got sexual feeling for him and he told me he have been feeling a "special" conection with a gay guy who has a boyfiend.

 

thanks for your reply...It really help me

Well, things turns REALLY BAD...

He didn't reply me as I said in the last post. So, I deciced to tell him that maybe my answers was not as serious as it should be and then I told him how I really felt about us. Like how I'm questioning myself, my sexuality because of him and that never happened to me before. And I told him if he is questioning himself we can try and see how things goes without any pressure because I don't know too what's happening.

Well, he answered me the next day he has ZERO attraction to me, also he was very confused too because of that gay guy, and he would never be in a relationship or something like that with a friend because he "always" make a separation between friends and lovers. I was totally shocked because I felt cheated from him, and for me I doesn't make sense that shitty excuse about friends // lovers (he had a weird sexual relation with a friend, so for me I doesn't make sense. Also, I think you can develop a friendship into a relationship, but whatever) I understand the attraction factor is the main reason but I told him there were a lot of things from him that made me think he was into me. He told me he would never expect those moments to be misunderstood, and said he was really sorry because he see now how some moments could making me falses hopes about us and that make him feel shitty because he hurt me so bad.

Then we talked about attractions and he told me he would NEVER FELT ANYTHING FOR ME in that way, he said that in some moments from my perspective... really coldly. However, the positive part was he told me I'm ONE OF HIS TRULY FRIENDS he would always want to be near me because I'm like his brother.

Then, I asked him how would be our friendship after this. He told me...from him, nothing would be different and he will stop all the really sexual jokes as soon as possible and said he is not aware I would be uncomfortable around him.

What I realize was I was always the one who were asking things like I was the only one who is truly worried. I asked him how he felt about that guy because he was a little bit homophobic some time ago so that must be hard for him. He told me he was not totally into that guy but it was weird because he just felt what he feel for girls before. Then, he said he was feeling things for the girl who said "he likes cocks" in one of the past post (the one who was REALLY DEFENSIVE ABOUT being curious with girls). I felt MORE SHITTY IN THAT MOMENT becuase that girl is "a friend" so I don't understand what is he saying. He also kissed that girl some years ago and he rejected her because she was not his type.
But whatever..after that I asked him random stuff about things we have to do that afternoon and HE IGNORED ME SO BAD. Like I met him and other friends and he was there with his phone all the time. So, he ignored me because he wanted.

After that he didn't talk to me until I told him if we can talk a little bit about it. (he said "everything was said..." ¬¬? REALLY?) I told him I felt bad because I don't know what to do because he is one of my biggest supports but now at the same time it could hurt me being near him. I told him I don't have any friend to talk about this because they are all busy with their things and I don't really want to explain this situation to anybody, so I don't have a "real" support right now. As well, I told him right now I don't know what I want or like because I feel confused about my sexuality. I always know I'm bisexual but I don't felt like I want it in my "real life", but now I'm confused because sometimes I want to experience something with a guy.

AND WELL, HIS RESPONSE WAS THIS:
"Hi..I understand it has to be hard but as I said...I can't do anything, sorry about it... The problem is now yours, because you can't felt confortable around me because you felt things I don't. So, I think time will tell you what you want. And you know, I'm here for you, but if I'm going to make more problems to you, or hurting you you better find support in (one friend's name who I told him he is busy with his things)."

I felt like he was throwing me ALL THE WEIGHT OF THE PROBLEM when what is in "danger" is OUR FRIENDSHIP, so IT'S SOMETHING WE SHOULD BE AWARE TOGETHER. and he SAID THAT WORDS REALLY COLDLY as "SORRY, IT'S JUST YOUR SHIT "

AND THAT'S ALL. He didn't reply me until that.

Oh, I have to said...today was the day were we had planned go to visit the beach all together during some days. So I told him it would be better for me not going there with them because I'm sure in some moments the situation would be really hard for me to bear because all the social interactions and because I DON'T FELT TOTALLY STABLE.
He just told me "do whatever you like ...but I think you're making a world from a dust, and it make me feel bad because you are not going now because of me". :dry::dry::dry:

:icon_sad::icon_sad::icon_redf:icon_redf I felt depressed because I felt I have ruined EVERYTHING but now after talking with other friend about feeling sad with some "unknow reason to him" I felt better. But this is going to be hard becasue I don't know how I could start seeing him with other eyes. :tears: However, I don't like that "cold" part of him making feel like the blame is all on me.

WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK??

 

thanks...seriously, thank you for your reply.

Thanks for helping me to see my friend as good as you said because in some moments I see him as he is blaming on me for feeling those things when he lead me on :icon_sad:

But I should keep a space between us..but its hard becase we see each other almost EVERYDAY. And I'm the type of person who always feel really shitty when feel a little bit lonely...so, avoiding him would be REALLY HARD. Any suggest?

Thanks again (*hug*)

 

Hi..

It's not about avoiding him (well, I guess it is) but it's more like I felt I had ruined everything because of my depressions problems...and now this... :tears::tears::tears: It's like ...that awful feeling you get when you look to someone's eyes and know he knows something about you that make you weak... :icon_sad: ... and I don't know what to do...but your advices are really good, I don't know if I could do them properly but I will try my best (*hug*)

But what I feel now it's ... at times I feel I can move on, do my best and try to focus in something else...but suddenly, I remember I have to see him...see hi with my other friends, or see him with the people who he is attracted or knowing at times I'll be alone because everybody has their own priorities...and he will not be there because that uncomfortable feeling will be still there...just make me feel depressed and REALLY BAD :icon_sad: I guess I'm the kind of person who make drama from everything...

I'm still confused about what I want for my future relationships...I scared about falling again to the wrong person...it's like I feel I can't trust my mind to know is someone is really into me now...:eusa_doh::eusa_doh:


thanks for you advice

---------- Post added 3rd May 2015 at 12:57 AM ----------

also...I want to ask you something...

For example...we talked yesterday in the morning...but he didn't response me and I had been 24h... I want to know what should I do in that times because I don't know if he thinks he should not talk to me because I feel "bad for us" and need distance from him...or if he is really tired of me...

What should I do? I want to ask him "how are you how was your day?" as I always did...but...:eusa_doh::icon_sad::tears:

 

:icon_sad::tears: hi guys...I feel pretty bad... I can't concentrate in other stuff... I feel anxiaty almost each 30 minutes...or each hour :tears: It's like I try to concentrate in something (study, seeing pictures, whatever) but suddenly something comes to my mind and I start a awful cycle full of thoughts about my future... my friendships... how I interact with people... if they are tired of me because I need them so much... I'm scared about nobody loves me or something... :icon_sad: if I want to experience something with a girl or with a boy now... It's confusing... also, I have a lot of work to do and this is frustrating... :icon_sad: feel like at times I could lose control and ask my crush something uncomfortable...and don't want to ask friends for help because I don't want to feel that awful emotion of need

I just want to cry, close my eyes and disappear... and in deed I could not talk to the terapist about my crush because I don't want to talk about that subject ...I just want to focus on my low esteem and my depression problems there...:tears: I know I should but I'm not ready to talk about it to anybody...

I don't know what to do guys... really...

---------- Post added 3rd May 2015 at 04:12 PM ----------

I don't even know if I'm a toxic person or something and that's because I don't have too many friends... :icon_sad::tears:
Really I feel pretty bad right now...:icon_sad: