OK, so my parents know that I'm gay and their cool with it. But my dad is really frustrating me because he thinks he know everything about being gay. A few months ago, our school did spirit week and one of the days was gender swap day. Boys dressed as girls and girls dressed as guys. On the car ride to school, he asked me if I was sure I wasn't transgendered. I don't know why, but this really struck a nerve with me because he knew why I was dressed as a girl. And even then, I had told him multiple times I was gay and definitely a guy. And then a few days ago, for whatever reason, we were talking about my sexuality at the dinner table, just me and my parents. After my mom left the table, he said to me, "you know I don't care what your sexuality is, but you are going to be the 'man' of the relationship, right?" And this struck me as a very stereotypical thing to say, so I corrected him that in most gay relationships there is no definite gender role. And he got very defensive and told me in no uncertain terms that there is a dominate partner and a partner that takes on a more passive role.
I think your dad might be trying to reassure himself with something along the lines of 'at least he's a manly gay', as silly as that may sound.
I think that it takes some time for some people to understand relationships that differ from their own. He might be trying to wrap his brain around it by using stereotypes and his own experience in straight relationships. Just explain to him that you don't want to just be in one role all the time, and while all relationships have power dynamics, yours most likely won't have ones as extreme or defined as "feminine" and "masculine".
I agree with what Sabot said. He may think that you not being "manly" or whatever pertains to that, falls on his shoulders. He may think that it's his fault and he's to blame for this. "If my son's not gay and manly, then I will have raised him right, etc. etc.". As crazy as that may sound...
I think he may have been looking at things on the internet. Think of this from his point of view he might be trying to understand you better and is reading things to see what your going through. As silly as some of the comments might be at least he is trying. I may be wrong but thats what it sounds like to me.
Okay, I must say that even if your parents opinions are "funny" and/or "strange" at least they are engaging in conversation with you which is better than most other situations. So next time when they make an uninformed remark just smile at them and say "Mom/dad, I love you and thank you for accepting me."
