Checkin' In

How about if your life is going great and you're depressed?

 

I've never been all that active on the site, but I lurk around in the back ground here pretty much every day when I can.
I'm not a teacher, but my job is tied to the education sector in my state, and I'm only employed during the school year now. (this change just happened 2 years ago...I use to work full time at my current job) The good news is I found a temporary summer job this summer so things are not as tight money wise .... and I was able to get my internet re-activated early this year. (!) ..... Now I can resume my normal lurking pattern... :roflmao:

 

Hello Rose. I am still fairly new to EC. I am trying to decide how to start the convo with my husband of 11 years that I am queer. I am working on two years of being in this married closet. I am very comfortable with my queerness. Have told some very supportive people. My work is very diverse. I have no other fears except telling him. I guess maybe the divorce is scaring me also. We have two younger children together. Any suggestions? Thanks.

 

Balancing feeling free to be me with ending a relationship with someone you care about deeply is very hard. It's also surfacing things that we never talked about that were problems, but we never did cause we got on so well. There's so much seen in a new light now. That's an emotional roller coaster in and of itself for us both. And then to throw on top the roller coaster of coming to terms with my sexuality, where yes there are good things there but also lows.

All I can say is, I hope those coasters are all pointed in the right direction.

 

Thanks Rose. I had been thinking about the written/letter form of coming out to him. Seems like that may be the best way. I will check our the article you suggested. Thanks again.

 

We are trying, perhaps insanely, to attend to as much post divorce ugliness before it comes up post divorce. It's a difficult path, but I'm not sure what else to do. I still care for her immensely but we can't continue for reasons that neither of us comprehended before we got married. But neither of us did anything wrong, so I'd like to do my part to honor what we thought we were getting into. And honestly, she's my best friend and it would suck to lose both my life partner and my best friend. There are still pitfalls, but hopefully we can keep talking and address what we can together and adjust plans as needed. So far, I feel very fortunate, but I knew I was marrying a good one.

 

Completely agree! Being truly happy and free is so foreign and I love it. But some days I don't know what to do with it. And yes, definitely scary. The unknown is exciting yet frightening. There's a girl I like, and I have feelings. I'm thinking what are these and where did they come from lol. By the way, they are amazing. Who knew it was possible to really have emotions.

 

Hey Rose! Things are going great in my little part of the world! I just did a really dykey thing and replaced a rotten sill on an old door (two weeks AFTER my brother and I tore the whole door and frame out). I didn't have a plaid shirt and cargo shorts on though. My hair is really short again because it's summer and because I like it that way.

I'm still seeing the woman I was seeing this time last year. I'm still in my less than perfect living situation so I visit her. Going to see her this weekend. I need to move. Ha!

That was rambling... Good to see you are still alive in kickin'!

 

Rose... Well thanks pulling me back in... Its been awhile. Mostly because I've been so busy with the daily grind. Last few weeks I have been having a hard time of it. And I've found myself lurking. I guess its time to jump back in.

I feel as though my coming out process has stagnated. I feel as though I am in a rut. It has me a bit depressed. Much of my personal life and my job are wrapped up in one. It poses a problem that I am not ready to come out at work for financial reasons. I am actually self employed and could realistically lose some business and as I am barely hanging on financially right now I can't afford any loss. I have a couple of friends I would like to come out to but havn't seen really as I've been busy. Atleast thats my excuse.
Well thanks for listening to me ramble. I always feel as though my posts are so awkward.

 

Thanks for the prompt Rose. I've gone from posting to lurking as my journey has run into some potholes of late and I'm not wanting to be too much of a downer. But since you asked, I may post an update soon. Glad to hear you're getting used to the light.

 

Okay! Now we need to hear from a few others.

 

Hey y'all. Life is really good. Except I have flying squirrels in my attic and my land lord doesn't want to pay to fix it right. That may sound like a crazy metaphor but it's not. I need to do a real update. Last summer I was in love with a coworker who was in a long term relationship with another woman. So much has happened. They broke up. We are together. My daughter loves her. I am out to all my parents and step parents and siblings. We haven't officially uhauled but we spend 6 nights out of 7 together. We are taking marriage. Life is crazy, crazy good. My exhusband met my girlfriend and the world didn't stop (and he didn't file for a custody modification (knock wood)). One day at a time. Life is so good that I keep looking over my shoulder.

I am still wearing dresses when I want to, even now to lambda legal and other LGBT events and I'm slightly less self conscious about it. Last summer (and over the past 20 years) feeling like I didn't look gay enough was an issue for me (can I really be a lesbian if I don't "look like a lesbian"? Um, yes). And now as I'm more out in my life in general, I feel like I'm not as invisible. I love exchanging the look of recognition.

 

I am so glad to hear your story HopeFloats. It was inspiring. Sounds like life has come together. Hopefully someday I will be able to say "I did it and I finally feel free". Thanks.

 

Have been away from writing for a while but still checking in. Life has a way of going forward in a hurry! Most all is well. Six months into a fully open, out, life-in, gay relationship and it has been the best time of my life. I am only sorry I didn't discover my true sexuality earlier. That is not to say there have not been some issues.
Finally took my BF to a family function , this was sort of the last step in my transition to being a totally gay man, went ok but not great. For me it was liberation, no hiding, no BS, yes I am gay, deal with it, not as smooth for family.
Our circle of friends are pretty much gay & lesbians many of our gay friends are "lifers". I still hear once in awhile the undertone of "this is some kind of experiment for me as I was married to a woman for years". On occasion my BF still can't believe it based on the gay man I have become. As I have said before even I have a difficult time with the fact that I was once intimate with women in the past. The thought of it now makes me want to go take a shower. I mean no offense to women here this is just something that developed with in me regarding idea of physical relations with women. In no way am making a judgment on women in general.This notion bothers me from time to time. For the past almost three years I have lived as an openly gay man, it is not some kind of experiment, it is who I have become.
I only express these thoughts so that other struggling know that there is light at the end of the tunnel, in fact joy, pleasure, satisfaction, all the rest. I am 100% glad I discovered my true sexuality, came out, met my BF and changed my life for the better. You can be gay and have it all. Good luck on your path.