I am 14, born female, genderqueer but want to appear as male, and Like girls. I have only came out to 2 friends, 1 understands but I cant quite explain being genderqueer to the other(I have that under control). After that went pretty well, I decided I want to come out to my mom and then come out to my dad(later, when im like 18 because he is homophobic and will probably hate me). But I don't know what to put in my coming out letter to my mom. I have most of it figured out besides what content should be in the letter. Should I explain everything about genderqueer to her? What all should I include for her? that is all
Personally, I'd keep it simple in that you shouldn't go deep into things like medical transition just yet. You can definitely touch on them, especially if you'd like your body to look at least a little more like a binary male's, but leave them as possibilities. Coming out can be a shock to parents, especially for parents of trans kids. I'm non-binary (I want to transition to male but have a non-binary identity) and I touched on it with my parents; however, I didn't go in to ALL different identities because that would be confusing and stressful to adults who've never been exposed to it. I mostly just explained that the gender binary comprises those who identify as male or female, regardless of their stance on gender roles or gender expression, and that non-binary people either don't feel male or female or feel like both. I also said something along the lines of "you probably have no problem at all with saying "I am a woman, when I was a child I was a girl, and my female body feels completely normal to me." I and other non-binary and genderqueer people usually do not feel comfortable saying things like that because we sincerely don't feel like girls or boys. It's just not me, or how I think of myself in my mind." Definitely explain how you feel in a way that your parents can understand. Touch on how they probably feel ("you feel like and see yourself as a man and any other label would feel alien to you") and then describe how you're different ("i know i am not a boy or girl, and these gendered labels feel wrong to me because i am not either of those genders"). If you're considering medical transition, I'd stick to briefly describing what gender dysphoria is and how it makes your body and/or sexed parts feel wrong. And maybe talk about your daily struggles with your body, if you have any. Good luck, and feel free to use anything I've written here in your letter if you'd like. :'>
I think I would try to explain that just like there are people who transition from one binary gender to another, there are people who fall somewhere outside of or in between the two traditional genders. And explain that you are one of those people, and that you need to be true to yourself.
