This has been stressing me out a lot lately. I've only come out as bisexual to a few friends and they're all very supportive, but they could never understand this. So I came out as bisexual for the first time a few months ago and I was so proud and relieved with myself. We all know the feeling I'm sure. I was pretty sure that this was my mind settled. I'm bisexual and ready to tell the people I care about. But in the last few weeks, I've found myself changing. I don't know if this is common, but my attraction to guys has really grown, so I'm wondering if I'm actually gay and I was wrong before. Or, even worse, I said I was bi to try and hide the fact that I'm actually gay. Has this happened to anyone else?
I wouldn't worry so much about the label and worry about how you feel about the people you date. The "Bi" label is something you gave yourself. You can change it anytime you wish. If people ask for clarification when they see you only dating guys, just say you lean more towards guys than girls. I think a good number of people will understand (or they won't understand but will accept that explanation). I wouldn't worry too much about what others think. What you think about yourself is more important. Being true to your own feelings is more important. And being your genuine self is the best way to make yourself be a happy camper...
I guess you're right, I just feel stupid for possibly being wrong about my sexuality... I want to be sure before I tell my parents, too.
As soon as you said you were bisexual, your friends probably looked at each in unison and said "gay". That's what people often do, as they are conditioned to think of us as gay or straight, not somewhere in between. The behavioral definition of gay is "Men who have sex with men", so as soon as you suggest that you also like guys, it is a QED for the straight community to tag you as gay because they don't understand all the subtleties. They will have no trouble if you later identify yourself as gay, and change your label, because that is probably what they are already thinking. Just be yourself, be attracted to whoever you want to be, and don't worry so much about using the pre-printed labels. It might even be better for you to talk with your parents about how you are feeling as you go along, rather than waiting until you are positive and springing it on them all at once; it all depends on what their attitude and knowledge is about homosexuality, and how comfortable you are about talking with them about yourself and the people you are dating.
It is possible taht you are gay and bi was just a phase to come out to yourself. I think you need time to figured out.
THIS EXACT THING HAPPENED TO ME I came out to many of my close friends as bisexual, but only a few weeks into that label I started to seriously doubt it. I think -- in my case -- I spent so much time trying to like girls, I had myself convinced that I had to focus on them and hated myself everytime I checked out a guy. Once I came out as bi, however, the flood gates opened and...there was just no comparison. I eventually started coming out as gay. I had a really tough time with it. I started doubting myself and doubting my orientation, and doubting...everything. I'd be more than happy to talk via PM about the specifics if you want. Alot people will tell you that the label doesn't matter -- and they are 150% right -- but I know sometimes it isn't that easy, sadly.
It's so great to here someone had the same problem! I'm still totally unsure but hearing someone else went through the same thing is so encouraging.
On the road to understanding and accepting who we are there are many stages. At some point we'll pass through most of those stages and there is no set pattern or time frame that will determine when or how quickly that will happen. One of the stages is bargaining and maybe that's where you are now? You might not be conscious of it (or any of the other stages) but it could be that the bisexual label was, in some way more acceptable and comfortable to you... maybe it felt like a way of keeping your options open or keeping a foot in both camps? What do you think? As others have said, it's often better to dispense with labels while you have feelings of confusion and just go with your feelings. Instead of trying to pigeon hole everything and fix a position with your sexuality, let your feelings and instincts lead you to the answer (whatever that may be). Again, there is no set pattern or timeframe and you shouldn't be putting yourself under pressure to get there. If you need a temporary label, stick to questioning. It works well for many who are on your journey. Keep talking it through as that really helps too.
Bisexuality is an interesting thing. My friend is bisexual and she's always confused whenever she becomes attracted to someone; she worries that her label is different than she thought. But bisexuality isn't all about having an equal attraction to both genders. Some prefer their own gender, while others prefer the other. It varies from person to person. Although there is the possibility that you may be gay. I suggest just relaxing for now and seeing how you feel.
