I was not a Jock, what were you

I have not posted in a while but your story is so much of what I went thru in high school in the mid 70's. I was not much of a sports type either. The only sports I was in was in PE class. I was also always the last one picked for a team, I was the one who the other classmates were stuck with. I never seamed to fit in.

I didn't know what the term gay meant or what being gay was about. I did know that I loved to look at certain good looking boys and had fantasies about them. I wanted to be their best friend and wanted to get to know them better. My low self esteem and not being with the popular group prevented that from happening. I was a loner and didn't have any real friends. I was bullied and picked on because I was different. I never understood this because I never treated anyone else this way.

I too was called a faggot and a homosexual. I didn't know what the word homosexual meant until I looked it up in the library. That really hurt, I have hated the word ever since. Now that I have accepted myself I like the word gay better.

I was good at academics though. I was the class nerd I guess. I was an honor roll student for almost 3 years. I had a math teacher who graded on a curve and I was the one who was always at the top of the class. The other kids in the class didn't really like this though because I was the one who blew the curve for the rest of them. I didn't really like high school and was glad when I graduated. I think a lot of this was part of the reason I didn't go to college. I wish I had in later years though.

I just accepted myself as being gay earlier this year and am moving forward with my life. I have found what I believe is my first real boyfriend and we have been spending what time we can together getting to know each other. We live about 50 miles apart so we see each other mostly on the weekends. He is around my age has had somewhat the same issues growing up that I had so we understand each other. I know that I really care for him and am happy that I found him. I have been glad that I'm getting things worked out in my life but disappointed sometimes that I am in my mid 50's and wish I could have done this sooner. But better late than never. At least now I believe I stand a chance of knowing what real love is before it is too late.

One more thing I wanted to add-I found my boyfriend on a dating website. I was drawn to his profile because his user name was "lqqking for me". I liked the name and was there for the same reason. Go figure.

 

I was a "Band Fag". Academics were never a problem, I was nerdy and I spent all my time in the music department. PE was the most hated of anything I had to take in high school. It wasn't so much that I couldn't keep up with everyone else, the jocks just made it miserable for me because I didn't really care for sports.

My only bright spot from PE was when the gym teacher laid into one of the jocks for picking on me because I was good at gymnastics. The teacher said I had one of the strongest upper bodies because of all the drumming I did. That may have been the only athletic compliment I have ever received in my life until I discovered I was good at skiing.

Looking back I think the worst part about high school was the fact that everyone knew what I was long before I did or I could accept it. I can't really say I was unpopular because I had my group of "band fags" but I was definitely more of an outcast than I feel the popular kids were. I do wish I was born about 10 years later because even in this small town the culture has seemed to change and become more accepting of people who in my day would be considered a freak. I think school probably gave me a lot of shame and kept me in the closet longer than I should've been but overall I'd go back and do it again any day. Those were probably some of the best days of my life even though I was tormented daily.

 

I was a goth, well part of the clique atleast, I was more the Loner before they "took me in" lol there was only like 6 goth kids so we also hung with the Otakus because there was like 10 of them lol, Strength in Numbers! =p

 

Debushed I totally understand that wish of being born 10 years later. I'm also from a small town and attitudes have definitely changed and that makes me happy. Though I think everyone at 30 feels that at some point. I was terrible with anything that requires co ordination and am not competitive for sports. Really hated team sports as the pressure of letting people down. I was funny enough though to be well liked. I was too nerdy to every be popular but guess I was somewhere between class clown/nerd.

 

I've always been an "average bloke".
Had mostly male friends in High School (and still do).
Loved (and still love) swimming, camping, fishing, sailing, wind surfing, basketball, cricket, baseball, volley ball etc... Have never liked watching sport though, always preferred participating in it.
Never liked any code of football though and was terrible at gymnastics and dance.
Was never the last one picked on school teams, but half the time was not picked first either.
I was average academically as well, B's and C's and the occasional A.

So I suppose I kind of fitted in with the nerds and the jocks equally well/badly, it just depended on the situation and the environment.

Sorry, long post.

Peace out!

 

I was a stealth bomber in high school. I just tried to be invisible, which worked most of the time.

I hated gym class until about ninth or tenth grade when we could pick what sports or activities interested us. Anything involving throwing objects is a bad idea (I hate volleyball with tremendous passion.) But I got to moved to "preppy" sports, so I fenced in high school, or I got to run and lift weights for gym class. That took away most of the agony.

It took decades to learn this, but the straight guys hated gym as much if not more than I did.

In fact, the locker room and self-consciousness are tremendous barriers to physical fitness. There are an awful lot of guys, both gay and straight, who feel profound social anxiety about going to a gym. It's a shame. It starts in fifth or sixth grade and never ends.

 

From a UK school here so we didn't really have "jocks" or cliques as such, there was a slight hierarchy but not rigid (the groups would mingle):

Popular kids>Inbetweeners/Moshers>Geeks>Social Outcasts

I was probably a geek-inbetweener hybrid. We only had team sports in school (football, rugby, cricket and nothing else) so there was really no chance to be athletic if you didn't play one of them. If my school had athletics/track events I would definitely have been heavily involved as I love running. I would have also have loved to play basketball as I used to shoot hoops outside of school. So yeh, I would have been a "Jock" in the right circumstances I guess! :icon_wink

 

741852963,
I had part of high school in Australia, and part in the US. It was oddly easier in Australia. I was at all boys school, and I think there was a lot less pressure. There wasn't much of a popularity contest.

In the US, it was brutal.

I was certainly quiet and sat in the back of the classroom in both countries. In retrospect, however, I think that my Australian classmates would have been more accepting had I chosen to come out when I was in school.

Although not everyone was happy, it wasn't as competitive. In America, high school was all about, "If you don't get in to Harvard early decision you should just kill yourself." And if you had to be a star athlete while you're at it. So it was better to just be hidden.

In college in America, it was just a variation on a theme: "if you don't get into med school and match in orthopedic surgery, your life is not worth living." Ultra competitive, narrow minded.

But I do see some young gay men and women who really are okay. They have friends, their parents are supportive, and they live in a world that I could have never imagined.

 

I was not a jock per se...in high school gym I hated wrestling more because iwould always be paired with the schools best wrestler...pinned in under 10 seconds and the rope was the worst... I was a decent long distance swimmer and played tennis...I rode competatively from age 12, golfed, and sailed...but not a the team...I was one of the preppier kids...I was good with academic, debate and theatre...so i wasn't an outcast, but not one of the Golden Boys...in college I discovered intermural rugby and softball...still a theatre geek and sang with the choir...I also discovered most people I was friends with thought sports was a great way to maybe help defray college costs, but it really didn't mean to much...1,400 students...small academically competative school...your major seemed to have more to due with your value, unless you pledge the jock frat...I only felt the sting in junior high and in high school...it's a big deal while you're there, but not so much later on when sports were more meant as recreation rather than than glory...I still swim, ride for pleasure, crew on a friends boat...I broke my back in a fall while pruning my dogwoog tree...so now I'm very limited. So for those of you are terrible at sports...just find something you like doing and fun with it...by the time you middle-aged all the Golden Boys are bald and fat and by and large didn't amount to much...as to the cheerleaders do you really want to be the football teams matress? They offer so many other sports in high school now that finding something isn't all too hard...from crew to fencing.

 

I never considered myself as the jock or the nerd because I was pretty much neither. I was a loser and the first day of classes during high school and everyone assumed I was gay so I had to hide that from them and remained to be isolated and had very few friends.

I was bullied but I tried to not let it affect me. I did join sports but it lasted for only about 2 years.
I had bad experiences in high school but there were also good ones but we all know that the negative things that happened to you are the ones that remain the most.

 

Hmm you know I never really fitted the description of any of 'the groups' you know the type, the guy that gets the high scores but just isn't The Nerd because he's trendy and is quite sociable the one that's invited to the parties and is friends with many but close friends with few people. The jocks didn't really like me but having good wit (if I say so myself lol) endeared me to their gf's and got me 'in'. I feel bad about it now but I did distance myself from my nerd friends when I was with the popular crowd (sometimes even ditched them :/) high school can be really mean sometimes survival of the fittest...

 

I can identify. I went to two high schools. The first was higher ranked academically, so being smart without being a jock was sort of ok. The second high school placed more of a premium on being popular, which meant jock membership or being very attractive, or ideally both.

I looked at it that I wasn't a jock and couldn't be a jock, so I did what came easier to me - being a good student. I didn't really need their friendship or approval, because I couldn't be a chameleon and be like them. I was happy to have some friends who were on my frequency who didn't belong in the jock, dolt, stoner, and troublemaker circles. As for the jocks, I think what people saw in them is that, aside from grades, all the other things came easier ... and in fact they did. That's their mystique, for the most part.

But I was a realist, even though I was also a dreamer at that age, and knew that there were no carbon copies of me and I didn't feel like selling out to be someone I wasn't to add a larger roster of fake friends to my list.

 

Very true....Leads to a whole lot of chicken-or-egg speculation. Did the athletic ability and involvement feed the confidence that made everything else seem to be less of a struggle? Or was the athletic ability just one of many OTHER manifestations of the competitive drive?

My younger brother was a jock from the word "go". He was always surrounded by a posse of friends (many of whom he's still close to), dated the pretty girls, and even though his grades weren't that hot, he managed to get a decent job and marry someone sensible and driven. He's got a far more extravagant life than I do, bigger house, newer cars, everything, basically. Certainly my closet-case status made some difference in how I lived my life, and I've never really been envious of him because for the most part, his lifestyle really isn't one I'd be at home in anyhow.

But grades notwithstanding, it always felt as though he (and his jock friends) had to put far less effort into life to achieve the results that I got through much harder work. I certainly won't discount the possibility that being in the closet made me far less likely to take risks of any kind, and most forward motion is the result of taking risks that may or may not pay off. But even the non-jock straight kids must wonder what it is that made everything appear so much easier for them than everyone else.

Really not whining here. My life doesn't suck and I'm a pretty simple guy anyhow. But it's an interesting phenomenon.

 

I was a terrible athlete. One junior high PE class was downright shocked when I actually cleared a hurdle in track properly one time.

In junior high PE I was always one of the last selected for a team. Each team captain would take turns selecting a boy. Then, when the good athletes were used up the teacher would assign at random. For two whole years, as far as I can recall, I was always assigned at random. I sometimes wonder what would have happened if the teacher had not gotten involved. Would I have been the last boy left?

In 8th grade, the track coach did try to get me on his team. God knows what he saw in me. I could walk fast, but I'm not sure that translates to great track ability. But I don't think I seriously considered the idea, even though track was one of the more appealing PE activities. If nothing else, I had a strict I'll die before I shower with other boys policy, and I don't think the track coach would have tolerated that.

My PE days were over by ninth grade, due to a waiver. I never even thought once of joining a team in high school. I had zero interest in sports. When I was in my most serious swimming for exercise phase as an adult, I sometimes thought that I might have done OK with that as a sport when I was a teenager. Although that was not impossible, since the high school had no team, and, at that point in my life, I was unable to swim at all.

I don't recall idolizing athlete types much. One thing: they always seemed like idiots. Although I do admit I did sometimes have certain fantasies involving boys more athletic than I was (which would be just about any boy) as I jerked off. (This last point does remind me there was one physical activity I enjoyed through my teenage years. Too bad the school lacked a Masturbation Team. :roflmao

 

CB, I think you and I are totally on the same wavelength on this in an almost telepathic manner. I'm not whining, either. Some people very badly want to be something they're not. Evidently, we did not.

As for their popularity in high school, and even in college, it didn't bother me ... that much. Where this "problem" actually comes into play is after college. Jocks use that exaggerated self-confidence they've built up to land high-paying but "low-tech" jobs. They have the ones who sweat the details reporting to them. That's a tough pill to swallow. When you really dig down, these guys (and ladies) don't know as much and make both technical mistakes as well as write poorly and spell incorrectly. So much of it is eyewash. I have a roster of stories. It's almost like I could foretell this phenomenon while I was still in college. There was one situation in particular which occurred in college which incensed me. One guy, though on the shorter side and probably the best looking guy in our academic unit based on all the swoon type comments I'd hear in passing, did something egregiously dishonest and wasn't booted out.* He was a so-so student. I saw the job he has right now. It was probably built on his looks, his past jock status, and that posse of friends you refer to. Also, there is much written about this phenomenon.

*no details here - PMs work for that.

 

As for what I was...who knows? I was a good student, and I suppose I might have considered myself an intellectual. But I certainly was not one of the real brain types who were really good with math and science. Math was somewhat of a struggle for me. I got good grades, but it took a huge amount of work. I was probably better suited to language, but my 4 years of foreign language classes were a real joke. English classes were "one size fits all" and not at all demanding.

I never really fit into any group. I had zero close friends then. Or now, for that matter. The more things change, the more they stay the same.

 

So right, TR. That swagger and bravado goes a very long way in masking incompetence, and ends up creating the infamous "old boys' network" that keeps it going in perpetuity. After decades in the corporate world, it gets very easy to tell which executives were body-passed to the top by being part of the jock "network". And I know of one executive who clearly DIDN'T, and that person rose to their level by virtue of talent and hard work that was far too stellar to pass over--but the aging jock types have had some very harsh and unfair words behind this person's back. I'm sure they feel threatened.

It does reinforce the fact that I'm really not interested in being part of that world....

 

I was a bookworm, band geek, C-SPAN watching nerd in high school. Definitely not a jock and it was probably worse in middle school for teasing. Like Choirboy I was able to avoid gym after 10th grade. I also gave up band at that point and focused even more on studies and college prep.

 

I like that expression. It has an all too familiar ring to it.