Can you all do me a favor and read chapter 1 of my fanfiction? ♪It's like everywhere I look and everywhere I go/ A million other guys keep staring and I know/ That I could be yours, and you could be mine/ I just can't let you pass me by, by, by.♪ I can't hear anything over Ross screaming the lyrics into my headphones. Since last year, I've been obsessed with the band "R5", especially the lead singer Ross Lynch. I don't know what it is, but something about him just makes my heart beat really fast and makes me smile. My biggest dream is to one day meet him and hear his voice in person. I try every day to get him to notice me. Until one day... ONE MONTH LATER "I repeat. Caller number 100 will win two free tickets to see R5 in person! So call now or lose your chance!" I stare at my television shaking. Is this really happening? Once I regain sense of my surroundings, I get up and jump at my phone. "Come on! Come on! Come on!" "Caller number 100! You won the tickets! And what is your name?" I open my mouth in shock and say "Quen..", but before I finish, I hear someone else's voice on the television screen. "Khori Dobson! I can't believe I actua.." And his voice stopped. "Hello, sir? Sir? Unfortunately, we lost connection. Sorry Mr. Dobson. So, I guess we have to move on." I sit on the edge of my bed with my heart beating a mile a minute. "Caller number 101? You must be lucky! What's your name?" I sat waiting for an answer, but I realized that the voice on the other side also came from the phone. I won..
Not to be rude, but is this it? Your language itself is good, so now all we need is some content. If this is all of chapter 1, you might want to make something happen before calling it complete. Winning the tickets is the hook; now your main character needs to play his part in the story.
10,000 words or go home! You should aim for at least 1200 words for next time. You don't rush these things. Eventually you shall be producing several thousand words or more per chapter. You need to plan it. You write down a general sequence of events. Then you begin work on it. Make the readers care about the characters and/or what is happening. We don't know these characters. We cannot read your mind. Each of the characters will have their own minds. They won't even all talk similar to you. Consider events from the perspective of the character that you write about. What would they do? What would they say? How would they feel? Become them and let them write the story themselves. You may cease to exist during the creation of a story. Honestly, it reads more like an event that you wish would happen to you. Self-insert fiction tends to be critiqued more harshly.
I agree with everyone else, you need a little more to your story. And this story is in Quen's point of view, correct? Well, who is Quen? What does he do for a living? Is he still in school? Besides the fact that he loves R5, I mean, I just want to know - What's the major plot of the story? Will there be a romance between Quen and Ross Lynch? If that's what the story is going to be about, if you want to make this a full, complete story, then you need to have a better introduction and give the readers more info about who Quen is. I'm not the best writer myself (although I try my best because I love writing), but this is my advice. Just give the readers a little more background information before you jump right into this romance with Ross, because it feels like I just turned the channel in the middle of a show that I haven't seen before and you don't want your readers to feel confused like that. It's not bad though, don't get me wrong, but it could just use a bit more plot in my opinion. Take your time though and don't rush! Can't wait to see it when you finish!
Thank you . And the name is Quentin (which is my name), but he didn't finish saying his name because Khori cut him off (because Quentin thought he won).
O.O Idk if I'd go that far, but then again I do my chapter breaks wherever appropriate for the story, and sometimes the scenes are very short lol. But I do make sure that each part advances the plot; if you're not doing that, you're writing to fill up space on a page. And that's generally not cool.
Part 2: (still chapter 1) "M..Me?" I whisper in the phone, as I also hear my voice on the television. "Yes! Congratulations! What is your name, sir?" "My name? Oh, right. My name is Quentin Duhe!" "Hey man! Congrats on winning the tickets to our show!" 'Our' show? What is he talking about? Then I realized that the speaker on the phone is not the same guy that announced the winner. Why does this guy's voice sound so familiar? My thoughts were soon answered when I look back up at my TV. Ross had a phone to his ear.
