Fully Accepting Yourself

I still have insecurity about what God thinks about having relationships with both genders and I still recently have cried because of homosexuality being called like "sin" and how gay people need changing at church, but other than, I haven't been bothered by the fact too much, though I would kind of like to be completely straight, but I am just not. And I really am tired of changing everything else about myself for people's approval, I really don't feel like giving a thought about what people think about who I love. So, yeah, I am just going to be me from now on. I might still have some problems with being around family who pretty much believe every stereotype about LGBTQ people there is, but for the most part, I've been okay about my bisexuality since the 8 months I have been questioning.

 

I was finally able to admit I was gay at age 16, but I'm still fairly uncomfortable with it...

 

I'm not sure how long in the gender department; maybe 3 years--but it doesn't mean I'm okay with it.

 

7 and a half years

 

I first realised around the age of 12/13 and spent the next ten years in denial. It was an emotional battle I was never going to win - the more I fought the more ground I lost.

 

Twenty-three years and counting. Currently the only people who seem to understand and want to listen aren't LGBT+ themselves.

I'm just realizing that a lot of the vivid, fantastical dreams I used to have were probably what I repressed trying to come out. I was often the opposite sex in a dream landscape rife with symbolism, from abandoned cities to deformed, twisted versions of people who were more like monsters. I could never hear. I could never see clearly. I often turned into animals so that I could run and operate on instinct instead, all of them supposedly symbolic of things like anger and the repressed aspects of an individual. A few times I was my dream self actually trying to fight my way out of my sleeping body.

 

I accepted my sexuality like really quick but my gender not so quickly, I am not in denial as such and pretty much accepted just a little bit not ^.^

 

I went through the stages of grief. (Not always in order)

1. Denial

I kept telling myself "I choose to be straight". "This is just a faze". "God gave us free will. I believe in the church". No matter how much I couldn't change my sexual orientation, I still tried hard. Took me a few months before I realized there's no changing it.

2. Anger

I was angry at homophobes, but also angry at God for making me gay. I was so angry, I converted to atheism because I told myself "If the church believes being gay is a sin and a choice, then that just means there is no God."

3. Bargaining

I prayed to God to turn me straight. I was willing to go to a straight camp, conversion therapy, anything that will change my sexual orientation. I did not want to be gay. I just wanted to be normal like everyone else. I wanted all the bullying and harassment to end, I was willing to do anything.

4. Depression

Probably the longest faze I went through. I was depressed. My grades dropped and all I could think about is that I was going to grow up in a homophobic and hateful world. I didn't even care if I died or not. I convinced myself there was no hope, and that I was better off dead. I felt like I failed my family by not being able to marry the Greek wife like they'd hoped.

5. Acceptance

I've accepted that I cannot change and that I will like my life as a gay man. I've accepted that God made me different and all I need is the support from my friends and family. I have hope now. Support for the LGBT community is growing, and I now see that the future isn't as bad as I was expecting it to be.

 

Eh.

My androgyny, this my fullness, this "being a son of the Moon", makes me feel confused sometimes because my brain is very manly and not androgynous.

About my sexual orientation? Well, it's confusing as well because I'm straight but for the society I'm gay o_o

I must making some compromises because of the society. It's this that I don't accept.

 

It has taken me about 3 months, to accept that I'm a demisexual bisexual person thing.
I only recently thought about demisexual anyway and I'm not to bothered about it either, way. So I guess I'm happy