Some of you might remember that I had a conversation with my dad about mardi gras that made me think he had loosened up a bit about homosexuality and even that he was trying to show me I could talk to him. My kids are fine with my relationship and most of my friends and I decided it was time to talk to my parents. Unfortunately there has been a development that has caused me to rethink things. While watching modern family my father had a total dummy spit over the gay couple. I will not go into detail about what followed but i will tell you it was disgusting. My daughter at first tried to educate him, explain why he shouldn't talk like that and of course at that point he dug his heels in and really let fly. All triggered by a sitcom? It does my head in. My children both heard his nasty hateful comments and although they would normally be upset they completely freaked out. My normally sweet 13 yo savagely verbally attacked her grandfather and told him just what she thought. It was a disaster and now I wonder if I can ever expect he will be ok with this. At this same time I was tempted to spit my relationship in his face just to hurt him like his comments hurt us. The thing is my children are distraught over this. They have never heard this from their grandfather before at least to this extent. You can also imagine how worried I am about talking to him. Lying to myself so long was my decision however his anger was a large part of it too. I feel heartbroken. I am tired of lying but don't see the lies ending any time soon.
IDK, but i can try to help. It could be past experience or of anything religious teachings. I wouldn't talk to him yet, try to have more conversations about lgbt life or experience. His ignorance shows lack of willingness to communicate with you or your family about this matter and just won't communicate because of this ---------- Post added 16th Apr 2014 at 01:01 AM ---------- He should try to understand and listen more is what i'm saying but thats irrelevant, try to learn why he did why he said those hurtful things ---------- Post added 16th Apr 2014 at 01:02 AM ---------- ugh. Why he said those things
If I am gay I dont think I would tell my family at all. I'm not really close to most of them, and my only living parent is my dad. He doesnt really need to "know who I am" .. its not going to change anything, its just going to make things weird if that makes any sense. You dont mention anything about ages... he could be my age so it may be worth pursuing. My dad is in his mid 80s... I just personally dont see the point.
Please think about the position you have put your children in. They know and they now have to keep your secret from their grandfather. It is really stressful for children (including teenagers) to be in that position. Plus, they want to stand up for you - as evidenced by their reaction- but cannot fully express that they are so angry at your dad because of you.
Hope floats I always have and will think of my children. Its the main reason I need my parents to know and the reason I had planned to talk to my father very soon. But what if this rips the family apart? Damned if I do and damned if I don't. Melanie my parents are in their seventies. Both seem to hold on to a real hatred of homosexuality for whatever reason. My father is more vocal but my mother shares his views. freeflow I have no idea why this is such an issue for him. He won't change his view easily. He was always stubborn but seems more so now in his later years.
I understand how you feel as my dads the same. A Bigot and there will be no changing him. My first husband is transgender m to f (came out well after we split) and my dad said he would shoot him (her) if he saw him (her) in the street. So, I don't think I will be telling him anything unless there is at least 100 miles between us at least. I don't know why azure au? I think its just they don't understand and are so set in their ways they are unable to have empathy for anything that is not, ummm how can I put it? ummm "Like them" .
You should tell him, in a 'matter of fact, FYI' kind of way. No discussion just ''here it is, take it or leave it'' your kids come first and the shouldn't have to lie about who their mom is. Fortunately my dad passed before I came out, but I think a lot of his anger was from growing up with an gay mom in the 60s/70s in a small town, and he never got over it. Worst I have to worry about my daughter dealing with is the in laws but they know better I think
Jiramanau I think you may have the truth of it, it will have to be an announcement rather than a discussion. That goes against the grain for me but well here we are. I suppose things may turn out better than I hope, there is always a chance. I think I was just really shocked he would even talk like that in front of the kids. I feel somewhat calmer now having had time to process it. I am surprised it made me feel so hurt, I'm a grown woman. Yet I will always care about what they think.
