What made you decide to come out?

I was in denial. I always liked girls better than boys and the thought of even holding a guys hand disgusted me. People kept asking why I didn't have a boyfriend, and when I was getting into my mid/late 20s, everyone asked why I wasn't in serious relationship or married. This was also at the time when my belief in my religion dwindled (family were mainly atheists, I started going to church on my own with some friends at 19). I couldn't take it, I was miserable and almost suicidal lying about "haven't found the right guy yet" or "I just don't want to get married or have a special person in my life". I came out to 3 friends who were hugely supportive, 2 friends & church disowned me and my mom said she didn't care, and my dad was in his words "relieved because all your guy friends are weirdos" and "I wouldn't have unplanned children".

 

I decided to attend an LGBT group's meeting at my university a few months ago. I figured that I've been on EC for awhile, which made me feel comfortable with my sexuality, so it was finally time to me true to myself.

It was the first meeting, and all attendees were expected to introduce themselves. They asked us for our name, age, major, gender identity, sexual orientation, and a fun fact. I figured that people here would be accepting and not judgmental, so I came out.

People were more surprised by the fact that I'm the youngest of six kids, rather than being cisgender and gay. I heard a lot of gasps :lol:

There was so much diversity in one room. Many of the attendees were actually straight allies. Some were trans male, while others were GQ. It was refreshing to see different folks

 

It's been a long process of coming out to myself. After so many years spent lying to myself, I just couldn't really stand it any longer. I feel like I've wasted a long time denying who I am, and I don't want to waste any more. It's like.. now that I'm finally able to admit it to myself, I am starting to be able to admit it to others. I've realized that if I want to move forward in my life, I need to do this.

 

Well, were you in the closet to others, or just your parents? I have been FULLY in the closet (still am), but something snapped a couple months ago and I suddenly thought, "I'm gay, and there's no reason to hide it". I hadn't even dated guys or anything, I really pretended to be straight to the extreme.

I am preparing to very soon come out to my mom. I don't know if she will have tears like you think yours will. I don't know your mom, but I can say that I don't expect mine to cry or anything. However, it is a very daunting conversation. I know she will tell me that I just haven't found the right girl, etc. etc., but with time, I think she'll understand.

 

My mom: Isn't he cute? Why don't you like him? How come so many guys have asked you out but you've always rejected them? Do you hate guys? You're probably just a late bloomer. Someday when you have a boyfriend... Someday when you have a husband...

Ugh, annoying heteronormativity! :eusa_doh: I couldn't bear hiding an important part of myself that I was dying to be open about, especially with all the assumptions.

 

it is still only partial for me, but the bottom line is that I have come out to some people because I am tired of living a lie, and I am exhausted both psychologically, mentally AND physically by keeping up a mask all the time, pretending to be someone I am not. I have not come out to my wife yet, but for all the same reasons I have been acting "as if" I were out around her, for all the same reasons. and she is noticing these things. Like you said about your parents, there are some people that we don't need to come out to, and some people we may never come out to. but it is the things like that stress of living the lie that starts pushing us out the door! :smilewave

 

The Welsh international Rugby Union player, Gareth Thomas recently released his autobiography Proud and I am reading it right now. I'm on Chapter Four and he is just beginning to describe "The Fear" as he struggled with the idea of being different... being gay.

When I've finished the book I'll post again. It could be a good read for all of us who are struggling to cope with our sexuality and the idea of coming out.

 

Speaking as someone who has only come out about a month ago, I decided to come out because I was uncomfortable living in my own skin. The first person I came out to was my girlfriend at the time and that was also the first time I came out to myself. After that, i knew that with each person I told, I would begin to feel increasingly comfortable with myself. I'm still not there yet, and quite frankly, I'm scared as hell about coming out to my friends and opening myself up to a new dating scene, but I know that I'll ease into it in due time.

 

The time was right.

 

lol apart of me honestly thought they would let me transition and the other part of me knew that i was going to come out eventually and their opinions wouldn't have changed so why not just get it over with, right

 

Well, my 15 year old son Zach came out to me a few weeks ago as bisexual while we we out running, and he said that he wanted to get it off his chest because he's dating someone, a guy, and basically all of his friends knew already so he figured that he might as well just tell me so that I didn't find out in a weird way. My daughter Lily (Zach's twin) came out as gay when she was 12 by singing "I Kissed a Girl".:roflmao: I asked her the same question you asked us, and she replied that she told her best friend, Zach, and their oldest brother Ryan, and had been self harming for a while. She also picked up on the hints that I was dropping to let her know I was perfectly fine with her sexuality. So from what I've heard from my kids, they just came out so they could be themselves and feel comfortable at home, and bring whoever their dating home, etc. Just take a deep breath, and don't forget to love yourself. (*hug*) :lol:

 

I came out because I wanted to stop pretending I was straight (I got really tired of the 'so where's the girlfriend?" questions). I wanted my friends and family to understand the real me. Plus it's really the only way to be able to bring a boyfriend to dinner.

I can't say it was an easy thing to come to terms with, and it took me months to work up the courage to begin telling people, but when it did it got easier each time. I have zero regrets about coming out and it's my wish for every LGBT person to get the kind of acceptance I've received and breaks my heart to read about others who haven't.

 

I'm not out yet but I will come out for these two (main) reasons:

1) It's suffocating to hide such an essential part of yourself and feel like you're not able to express yourself freely. You don't have to scream it from the rooftops but at the same time I wouldn't want to be afraid to say if I think a girl is attractive or if I like her. As long as I'm scared of hiding that part of myself I don't think I can ever feel 100% myself and hence, be truly happy.

2) I will admit that this isn't as important to me as the first one but the more people come out, the more homosexuality/same-sex attraction will be normalized, I think. If people get used to it and realize that being LGBTQ is pretty common I think it will be more accepted.

 

I wanna say I like a girl so bad! It's hard though. I always feel like I'm lying to my friends whenever they ask me who I like and I have to say no one. Secrets are hard... And I'm bad at them! I'm afraid it'll slip out one day accidentally that I have a crush on a girl. That's the day I dread

 

I came out to the father of my children about 4 months ago but hadn't officially come out. I felt my life was stagnant and my anxiety disorder was at an all time high. I just got so fed up with everything that I made a very public post on facebook. So far no one has said anything negative but I bawled for a couple days at the loss of my former (and very fake) identity of being straight.

Now though, I'm just focusing on me and have tentative plans to go to a local gay bar on karaoke night. I love to sing so it might be an ice breaker. Also plan on going out dancing soon.

 

I decided to come out (still in the middle of it though) for 2 major reasons
For one, honesty is a very important valor for me and my familly and not being honest about myself made me feel like crap.
For two, I'm a very shy, insecure and self-consious person and I know that will probably ruin my life. So I've choose to try to build my confidence bit by bits and being true to myself was on the list. Obviously, I've reached that step and ta-da I appeared outside of the closet.

 

I came out to my friends because they wouldn't stop bugging me to get a girlfriend, even though back then we were in middle school and you know how long those relationships tend to last.

 

One day, i dreamt of me and my friends together, all hanging out, and they all knew i was gay, but everything was the same. They still joked around, i stiil hanged out with them. When i woke up and realised that was just a dream, i felt horrible and told my best friend.
Thank god. I was in such a mess, i just said it, didn't even think about the consequences. One of the best decisions i have ever made

 

I was getting so depressed and it affects my sleeping patterns and emotional stability. So I decided to come out. Also, I'm tired of not being able to be fully myself.