Someone asked about my story to date so I told them but thought I'd share with you all... Hey, my story to date.. I got married when I was 21 having only ever been with one girl, I don't really understand why I didn't question my sexuality at the time, it just didn't click I should try the gay life, I just didn't entertain the thought.. I used to find gay porn on the internet and that helped satisfy the urges I had.. I suffered long bouts of depression and anxiety and I'll health, and I managed to put the gay thoughts on the back burner, many times I nearly told my wife I was gay but the words never came out... I had my first child five years later and all was well, then two years later I had my second and I turned to my mom after duelling myself with alcohol and finally told someone I was gay, she told me to keep it to myself and it was probably a phase... I'd just had a baby and I couldn't abandon her when she was so vulnerable... She was right... I managed to keep the thoughts under wraps for a while until last year, I decided I couldn't hide any longer, and. I was gonna confront my wife... But her dad was diagnosed with stage four cancer, and lost the battle after three months.. It was very aggressive... That was June.. I found this place in the august and found other people in my situation, it felt a relief to know I wasn't alone.. I felt accepted and safe, I love EC!!! I posted in August, and left at the time it felt enough to know this place existed and I was surrounded by people in my situation plus is was only a few months since my wife's dad passed, I didn't want her to lose her dad and husband in close proximity.. So I delayed.. Roll on November last year... I decided I would spend one last Christmas at home with the children and my wife and make it a good one, but it wasn't, it felt sad ... I thought February would be a good month to come out far enough into the year for Christmas to be over with and also nearly a year since her dad died... Well that didn't work out.... On the 30th December my wife text me from the bedroom asking me to come upstairs as she wanted sex... I went upstairs feeling sad, I didn't want sex with her, I wanted to be close but not that close.. I told her I didn't want sex with her again, I didn't want to be with her anymore, I used the old cliche, it's not you it's me... That didn't go down well she started crying and went downstairs... To sleep.. I felt terrible but eventually went to sleep the following day I was at work and we were texting I told her I didn't want to be with her anymore, this didn't sit well with her... She was thinking I was cheating on her, she was distraught... I told her there was no one y else and there never has been... I went to my Nans and I was texting my wife she was very distressed, begging me to come clean with her telling her why after ten years of marriage I had decided now that I had had enough.. My plan was to never tell my wife I was gay nearly break up and then lead a single life... But that wasn't meant to be, after many messages, I came out via text, I told her I couldn't take it any more, and that I was gay, she didn't believe me, she ordered me home so we could talk about it, as soon as I came home I started drinking all the alcohol we had in the house, I had drunk a lot but felt sober, I started talking, told her I'd been feeling this way for a long time, and that I never wanted to be gay, I wanted to live my whole life with her but couldn't live this way anymore... We went to sleep after talking for hours and when we woke up the next day and decided to arrange for some marriage councilling but because it was new year, their officies were closed on the 9th January we had our first meeting with a councillor... My wife was on an emotional roller coaster for a month, one day she appeared ok the next sad the next anger, she processed it well, but she often referred to what I had done as if someone punched her in the gut.. The end of January, I decided to move out we both Agreed in order for us to move on we needed to Seperate, so I moved in with a lodger, but I was spending a fortune on fuel and the accommodation was not to my liking.. So I moved out the end of February.... And back home with my wife... We spend a month together but my wife would constantly try it on with me sexually and I had to reject her, this didn't do us any good... Fast forward to now, she has moved into another house round the corner from me, we both look after the children, And are getting on quite well.. These past few months have been some of the hardest of my life... And I presume my wife's, although losing her dad will be up there too! The children are adjusting well they are 4 and six so don't fully understand we're still great friends me and my wife and hope to remain friends for all of our lives.. And great parents for out children, It's a rollercoaster for sure!! This process is no a walk in the park but nothing worth doing is normally easy, I don't regret my decision, and feel more liberated and alive now!!
Oh, Richie, your story is so much like many of the stories here! The fact that your life is getting better, that you and your wife have worked through so much and are coming out the other side, that you live close enough to spend as much time with your kids as you want... All of that is an inspiration to the rest of us! Your story reminded me of the old Gaelic poem: "May the road rise up to meet you. May the wind be always at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face; the rains fall soft upon your fields and until we meet again, may God hold you in the palm of His hand." Peace.. :eusa_clap (*hug*) :eusa_clap (*hug*) :eusa_clap
I'm glad that things are working out. Being honest and coming out to your wife was probably the best thing you could do. Remaining friends will help the two of you raise your children and give them the best environment possible. Plus you two can unite against them when they become teenagers!
Oh Buddy, You're on the right track. Our stories are very similar, but I'm a lot older and so are my kids. My regret is not coming out sooner. My kids would have been (and are) fine, I'm still close friends with my ex. We, wife and I, suffered way longer than necessary. Keep up the hard word and love them all.
H Richie, It seems like you have come a long way in a very short space of time. You should be proud of yourself. Molly x
Richie, you're always among friends here. The past year has been a long haul in many ways for both of you. Be proud of yourself for having the courage to live with your own personal integrity, and for working so hard to keep the family intact as much as possible for the kids.
