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His mom wants to meet me - advice?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by AaronMed, Mar 22, 2014.

  1. AaronMed

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    Hey guys, me again. For once I'm actually posting about a normal problem and I'm not in a dire psychological state, so that's kinda cool. Anyways, here's my situation.

    My boyfriend is from China, but he's lived in Canada for two years. His mom is coming to visit and live with him for 6 weeks. He's not thrilled about it because it's gonna be a little awkward having her live with him for that long. Anyways, she's said she wants to meet me. She knows my boyfriend is gay, and she's totally cool with that and supportive of his relationship with me. But now she wants to meet me, and I'm afraid maybe she won't like me :frowning2:. For reference, she's traditional Chinese and speaks no English, so my boyfriend will be translating.

    Any advice?
     
  2. Hiems

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    The language barrier will pose a problem with conversation, but I doubt that she will judge you solely based on what you say. This situation is very different from your own, but when my mom visits a doctor, she requires me to translate for her. Despite not understanding what the doctor says, my mom will judge the doctor based on demeanor/body language and tells me how she feels about him/her.

    Likewise, his mom will probably gauge your body language and demeanor. As long as you are yourself and come across as a nice person, then the encounter should turn out well.

    If you're very concerned about the language barrier, perhaps you should tell your boyfriend to tell his mom in advance that you don't speak the same language. That way, she won't be as surprised when your boyfriend translates.
     
  3. AaronMed

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    She knows I'm a white English-speaker, so no surprises there. I think you're right about the body language bit. That worries me a little, though, 'cause I have a tendency to get tense, stiff, loud, and abrupt when I'm nervous around someone new, and often this comes across as being intimidating even though I don't mean it to.
     
  4. Hiems

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    Maybe you could do some deep breathing exercises to calm yourself down before talking to her. If that doesn't help and you end up becoming nervous, tell your boyfriend to tell his mom that you're nervous. Maybe she will value the honesty and think it's not a big deal. No one's perfect after all. I would likely be very anxious when meeting parents for the first time too.
     
  5. Robert

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    My English speaking dad and my Italian speaking grandmother got on very well together.

    Just be yourself and maybe learn "hello, pleased to meet you" or something like that. She will appreciate the effort and likely find it a little amusing that this white American is trying to speak a little Chinese to her.

    I dont know how long or often you will meet with her over these 6 weeks but just know that all humans are generally the same. Food, TV, music... I'm sure you'll find things to talk about and enjoy together.

    She will likely also be doing her best to get on with you to show support of her son.

    I take it you have voiced how nervous you are to your boyfriend? Has he been helpful/supportive?

    To be honest, you just need to meet with her and get it over with. The first meeting is always the most scary.
     
  6. awesomeyodais

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    Here's a tip for dealing with situations with interpreters - if you're having a conversation with his mom, try to direct your speech and attention towards her even though you're listening to your boyfriend's translation. Basically you're not having a conversation with him asking him to tell her something, you're talking to her and he's just translating in between. It's surprising how much this little detail can make interaction perceived as more sincere and respectful. Same scenario applies when interacting with people who use sign language interpreters.
     
  7. White Knight

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    It is nice you are getting nervous about this meeting. That means you care about your boyfriend and her family too much. Probably if you will seem nervous, his mother will think similar thing.

    She just wants to know the boy who makes his son happy. My advice is just be yourself, show respect to his mother and show your love to your boyfriend.
     
  8. BryanM

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    I'd maybe try to learn a few easy Chinese sayings like "Hello, how are you?" and things in that nature to show her that you really care. She should at least appreciate the effort. Also, I would be respectful as well, and maybe learn about what certain things mean in Chinese. For example (and this may or may not actually be true), a thumbs up could possibly mean something as bad as the middle finger to someone from somewhere else.

    Other than that, I would say be yourself! :slight_smile: If she sees that her son is very happy with you in his life, I'm sure she'll be fine.
     
  9. Tongue Flicker

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    Oh one more thing, if you are planning to impress his mom by saying something in chinese, unless you 100% sure you could pronounce the words properly, don't. You might end up saying something funny/insulting/gross to the mom.

    I dated a chinese guy from a traditional family as well. Been there, done that, only made things worse LOL

    Shaking her hand, bowing and smiling is usually suffice.
     
  10. PatrickUK

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    Just smile and try to relax. This is a positive thing, right?

    You don't need to speak the language to demonstrate good/positive qualities (like friendliness), but if you get yourself worked up and tense this will not come across.