I'm so frustrated right now and I just need someone to tell me they've been through this and that it's going to be okay. A little backstory for those of you who don't know even though I've said this here before. My sister is 16 and came out as pansexual about a month ago. I came out on Thursday and ever since, every time me and my sister say anything about girls ("she's hot," etc), my mom tells us to stop and that she doesn't wanna hear us talk like that. In reality we are talking the EXACT same way that we talk about guys, and when we talk the same way about guys, she doesn't give a shit--she laughs with us and doesn't care. I noticed her doing this to my sister before I came out so I guess I should've expected it. It's just so frustrating because it feels like she's trying to suppress who me and my sister are and you just can't do that. To make things worse, I asked my best friend out yesterday and given that we live really far apart and long distance is hard, she said she really wanted to be with me but she just couldn't say yes because long distance is so hard. My mom knew I was planning on asking her out (when I told her she just laughed and asked what had gotten into me) and this afternoon she degradingly asked "how did things go with Kaytee?" I told her how it went, and she just laughed and said "well I guess she has common sense." It was so hurtful and pissed me off, and I don't get pissed often. I just told her to shut up and she said "well it's true." -_- Ugh. This is just all so frustrating. I really am starting to become comfortable with being bisexual. I'm no longer in denial and I don't really care who finds out that I'm bi (except for my extended family because it's kinda awkward with them). I'm open to having a girlfriend and I have several girls I'm interested in. And at the same time I have my mom putting me down and making me feel like crap. I think the part that really hurts is that she SAYS she accepts me and my sister and that it doesn't make a difference to her who we love, but her words and her actions send a completely different message. Today in the car she was "joking" to my dad asking where she went wrong after me and my sister were talking about girls. She's so passive aggressive about it all and I'm reaching the end of my rope with her. I wish so bad that I lived on my own but at the same time I'm glad I'm here to protect my sister so she doesn't have to go this alone. Can someone just tell me if they've been through this before and what you did to deal? It really sucks feeling so hurt from your own mother.
I know it's your mom and I'm sorry, but she sounds like an awful bitch. Could you try maybe reinforcing that what she's doing isn't taken lightly and actually hurts a whole lot? It might let you dig down into why she's degrading you like that, and how deep her homophobic feelings really go.
No offense taken. Honestly it's so confusing to me because she actually is a good person and has been a good mom, but we were VERY sheltered as children and the past few months I've really grown up and been trying to gain independence and she's been trying to pull me closer and is being completely overbearing, and this is just another aspect of it. Even weirder is the fact that her best friend since childhood is a lesbian and she supposedly thinks no less of her for that. Obviously it's just different when it's her own kids and she has to deal with it on a daily basis. You're right, I guess I could talk to her about it. I'll wait until I'm cooled off. I'm gonna bring it up to my sister. If things continue to be like this I'm just going to take her with me sometime when I see my psychologist because my psychologist knows about my issues with my mom and that I'm bisexual and has been super accepting.
When I came out to my mum I was told they loved me and just wanted me to be happy, but then mum would tell me she wished I were with a man at every given opportunity. She always undermined my civil partnership throughout the years I was married too. I love her to bits, she has a heart of gold, and I take everything she says with a pinch of salt. I know she'd rather I were straight which is why she says these things but it is frustrating. (I speak in present tense because she will still remark on my sexuality from time to time, but it is far less than before.) It's not easy for a mother to learn her daughter is not necessarily the person she thought she was. She needs time. Her comments will irritate and hurt but she will eventually come to terms with it. I just let it slide like water off a duck's back, but then I've always been so laid back that I'm practically horizontal. Just take a deep breath and keep moving forward with your life. I know you're bi but if you end up in a great relationship with a wonderful woman then it'll put your mother her in her place. Just try to focus on your happiness. I am sorry to hear about things with your best friend, but you never know what the future holds. (^_~)
I can't say I've experienced the same thing, because my mother never sent me mixed messages or joked about homosexuality or bisexuality. The hurtful things she said were very clear. I didn't have your family situation though, I was on my own when I came out, and my sister is straight. If I was in that situation where your mother might listen to reason (mine won't) I'd talk to her, tell her that this is hurtful to you and your sister. (*hug*)
Hi there! Your mom may be acting like this because she's struggling with her own homophobia. She wants to do the right thing so she tells you she's okay with you dating girls but she's still pretty uncomfortable with it. It may take a little time for her to adjust. Try to have some patience with her. Also, tell her how you feel when she reacts that way. The only way to get through this is to keep on communicating without the anger. Remember it's taken you quite some time to figure out who you are. Your mom needs time to adjust too.
Thank you all. You're right. And An0n, you're right, if I end up marrying a girl then that will certainly put her in her place lol. And I honestly don't care if I end up with a guy or a girl, either is totally fine with me. So she'll have to live with it. She just needs time I suppose.
