Bisexuality: is it even worth it?

there also fading into homosexuality too but I don't believe bisexuals are straight in a sense being straight means you only like the opposite sex and not the same so no I don't view them that way . It is also worth it for bisexuals to come out

 

So true I've heard it a lot I think that's why some bisexuals don't come out I've even been told by a straight man online once that bisexual women prefer men and I'm just a play thing or warm up for them until they find a nice man

 

Because the idea that they shouldn't is borederline insulting.

Think about it. If you suggest they don't need to because they are 'basically straight' you are saying that being straight is better.

Why bother coming out bi because you can just be straight and avoid things.

 

This really grinds my gears (not your post, the fact that bisexuals are marginalized even in lgBtq+ communities). I've seen even on this site people who don't believe that bisexuality is a legitimate sexual orientation; that bis are just gay people covering up, or straight people trying to be edgy, or confused people looking for a label. It's kind of disheartening to hear my orientation talked about as if it's all a farce.

Back to your post, I think it's definitely worth coming out. Even if you end up with someone of the opposite sex, you can still be attracted to the same sex. It can be complicated to explain, especially if your only relationship has been hetero, but it's still worth letting people know that you're not completely straight (esp. a significant other; they might take it the wrong way if you wait to tell them). Let it out. Like Ellia said, by just hiding it and "playing the straight game," you're just dodging a part of yourself and hiding.

And trust me, I'm bi and I am in no way "basically straight." I think about guys frequently, and I've definitely been attracted to a few.

 

thank you....

thank you thank you

I am not 'basically straight' I am bi my experiences and desires work on both sides. I came out because it's damn nice to be open and real with myself. I am not fading into hetero...I am bi

 

Yeah and that's not a problem with me because if a bi girl was with me I would think she likes me for me not what's between my legs .

 

I've been thinking the same thing and made a thread about it a week or so ago. I'm glad I'm not the only one thinking about this. I'm still on the fence but I think in general if you are interested in dating other girls then coming out is necessary.

 

Yes, it's definitely worth it. As said, if we create and maintain a society where being bi is treated as not as important as if you were straight or gay, then that's going to be harmful to people who are BI.

Some people describe being bisexual as not being half straight and half gay, but fully straight and fully gay. We fully experience the attractions to men and women as anyone else. We are not half anything. Bi is as legitimate as any other orientation.
Sure we have our own struggles and they sometimes differ from that of the rest of the LGBT+ community, but many parts overlap. We are bisexual, we have our own flag, and we have our own full lives.
And I don't want to be pushed into that closet again because some people don't get it.
And I will tell you it hurts that discrimination is a common thing we get from the gay community. You're supposed to get it, not kick us when we're down. (Luckily this site does understand, hopefully real life will follow suit.)

Being bi is a full experience, just like how everyone else lives their life. Like someone said, we aren't boring straight people trying to be something interesting by having an occasional thought about someone of the same gender. Rather, we experience life as someone who is regularly attracted to people of more than one gender. I get butterflies for girls. My cheeks turn red when I shop where that cute cashier boy works. I daydream about the woman I like returning the feelings. I hope that my crush, he thinks about me too. It's a whole life full of these things, and we are always being told to turn half of those off. Well I don't want to close that part of my life because I don't feel exactly as you do. My feelings are my feelings too. And they are real and good and pleasant, and they should be accepted as much as yours. That's my little rant. (&&&)

 

^ That was amazing, you summed it up perfectly. And I love the thought of "fully straight and fully gay," I'd never thought of it like that but it's so much more accurate than saying half anything, because it's never just half. Awesome! :eusa_clap

 

We'll I'm bisexual and I've just started coming out. Coming out ultimately depends on your reasons for doing so. If being in your closet gives you stress, come out. If there is a guy you like (me) then come out . If you are coming out just for the hell of it, there's no point.

But bisexuals have the right to come out just like anybody else.

 

I personally think coming out is something you do for you. Bisexual, gay, trans, whatever. If the only reason you aren't out is fear, and you know you would be happier, come out. If you could live a happy life with someone you love, monogamy is cool with you, hey there might be one or two things that your significant other hasn't told you in that department.

The benefit to coming out for a lot of people, is that you can pursue people you want without fear, and have relationships in the open with them. Or you can just be proud of who you are, someone without secrets, and take something that used to make you feel ashamed and bad about yourself and turn it into something wonderful.

It may be that a bisexual person has something to gain by coming out. (This was edited because my earlier example was trash IMO) Having no secrets between you and your significant other can open a lot of doors, but more importantly, it can bring you closer. It is incredibly wonderful when you have people in your "inner circle" that you can talk about anything with.

And of course, if you are politically minded, it's a lot easier to advocate for LGBT stuff if you're out.

So tl;dr, it's worth it to some bisexual people sure. The important thing is, you get something out of coming out.

 

For me, the people whose opinion I actually care about on the subject already know. Husband, a few very close friends, that's about it. Telling my extended family would serve no purpose, we don't speak anyway. Telling my church is equally pointless, they would only be confused ("But you're married to a man?!?) and they already know I espouse much more left-leaning views on the matter than the church as a whole. My mother in law? Forgeddaboutit. Not. Gonna. Happen. The woman is old-world Catholic and about as skilled in critical thinking and rational debate as the watermelon plants in my garden.

For me personally there is nothing to gain by coming out, except a whole lot of stress and drama that I do not need.

If I'd met the right girl before I met the right guy? That would be a very different situation and it would absolutely be worth it, because my relationship that I care about would suffer if I did not.

As to it being "easier" to advocate for the LGBTQ community if one is "out"... I'm quite vocal in my views, anyone who knows me past a hi at the grocery store is aware of my position, and I will happily explain my reasoning in depth to anyone who asks. In many cases, the people I interact with listen to me and consider my words on the subject precisely because they believe me to be straight, and that communication would be lost if I came out.

*shrug* It's an individual decision, and it can't be made based on what was right for anyone else, only what is right for each person.

 

Coming out as bisexual is no fun. But if you don't come out the gay community will say you're "hiding in heterosexuality" and then you'll be living into a stereotype about bisexuals. But if you do come out, that same community will be dismissive and say you're just another trendy attention-seeking straight person trying to co-opt the movement, get pity or make friends or something. So there's really no way through it. Women who might otherwise want to date you will steer clear, and then when you end up with a man people say "see, she was just experimenting." Homophobes hate you as they'd hate you if you came out as gay. Straight people think you're up for threesomes. You'll get sexually harassed by people who think you must be easy. Gay folks don't know what to make of you and exclude you from the community. It's lonely. It's stigmatizing. It feels like it's not worth it. But if things change, if the LGBT community owns up to internal biphobia and actually starts listening to bisexuals instead of making up mythologies about them, maybe coming out will be a different experience. Coming out can be very good for mental health and deeply liberating. Closeted people have higher rates of depression, alcoholism, and suicidal thoughts and behaviors. And bisexuals have worse mental health outcomes that gay and straight people. Sooo it'd be nice if we could all come out and have a community of supportive people to depend on.

Dating is not the only reason to come out. It's totally not worth the effort to conceal your past. I mean, if you start messing with pronouns just to talk about past relationships without startling people, maybe it makes more sense to just let people know you're bisexual so they don't get confused and annoy you with questions. Bisexuality shouldn't be a source of shame. But unfortunately it is. And when people say, "Why not just stay in the closet--you have nothing to gain from coming out," it kind of encourages that sense that bisexuality is somehow a shameful quality in oneself, which increases self-doubt and self-loathing and leads to deeper isolation and depression. It needs to be something we can state with pride and without regret. It's as real as your hair color or your birthday. It's a biographical fact and a biological fact, and I don't see why it should be omitted from the record. It's an integral part of one's self.

 

I hate how the LGBT community says bisexuals are confused I have dated both men and women tho I haven't dated a guy in ten years but if one came along that made me feel different id go for it and I remain faithful to anyone I'm dating regardless of gender just like heterosexuals can leave people for someone else so can I it's the same

 

While I am too much of a coward to come out, I believe their is value in it, because then a person can fully express themselves as who they really are and to me that freedom is important even if I chose to remain in the closet.

Actually, No, If you like both genders then you are Bisexual. Some may be in denial about being Bi or they may chose to only be with one sex or the other while being attracted to both, but that doesn't make them Straight or Gay, they are still Bi.

I am not exactly sure how to answer this question but, I don't see that as a reason to keep it to yourself or not, my reasons for not coming out as Bi are that I am afraid of my families reaction, and I am a member of the clergy so I am afraid of the reaction from other Christians. If I was dating some one, no matter what gender they are, I would at least tell them I am bi, if that scares them off, then they aren't worthy of me. There are a lot of Stereotypes and misconceptions about Bisexuals that really tick me off.

In my opinion a person can't fade into being straight, your either Straight or not.
At times you may desire one sex over another, or you may always desire one sex more than the other, but the point is that if a person is attracted to both then they are not straight.

---------- Post added 16th Mar 2014 at 07:58 PM ----------

Oh the Confused thing makes me angry as hell when people spout that,
I know for certain I am not freaking confused, Some times I like men, Some times I like women, and over all regardless of the gender I like pretty people with personalities I find attractive.
I hate dating websites that have the I am a ___ seeking a ____ but then only have woman or man as options and don't allow both as a option, it's annoying as hell.