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Another best friend crush situation

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by BrightRedRoses, Mar 13, 2014.

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  1. BrightRedRoses

    BrightRedRoses
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    So, yeah. I have a huge crush on my best friend and I'm so lost and have no idea what to do. She was new when school first started this year and we became best friends very quickly. At first, I did not have any feelings for her. I think it's probably been almost a month since I realized them, but I'm not absolutely sure when they started. Before I started having feelings for my best friend, I had a crush on a different girl that was bi, and so I told my best friend about this and that I was bi. She was really, really supportive and told me that she was really happy I told her, since she was the first person I came out to.

    So, I got over my crush on the other girl (she had a boyfriend) without ever telling her (we're good friends now) and now I've grown feelings for my best friend. I have told a different close friend of mine about this as well. But, I really don't know what to do. I have anxiety problems and I'm constantly worried she will find out somehow and feel weird around me or she'll end up hating me for some reason and leaving me as a friend. If I lost her, I would really fall into depression. She's incredibly important to me. I don't know if it's best to tell her about my feelings for her in this situation or to keep it to myself. I've never asked her personally, but she has told some other people that she's straight. Although, the way she acts makes me think she might be bi-curious. She talks a lot about how she would "totally marry this girl" and she "has a woman crush on another girl". Maybe that's something everyone does, I'm not sure. Some of the things she does make me feel like she may like me even just a little bit, or she doesn't realize it, but I guess I'm kinda bad at figuring things like that out xD. Also, I have told her that I don't have a crush on my other friend anymore.

    So, in short, I just really don't know what I should do. Should I tell her or would it be best not to? Is it possible for her to feel something for me or am I hopeless? I'm really lost right now and my feelings for her are just really strong.

    Thank you,
    - - BrightRedRoses
     
    #1 BrightRedRoses, Mar 13, 2014
  2. lameo

    lameo
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    I have been in your shoes before and from my experience it is a heartbreaking and rarely happily ever after scenario. I suggest you proceed with caution, you don't want to always be looking and the past and asking, "What if?" On the other hand, you do not want to profess your love at the wrong time and ruin your beautiful friendship.
     
    #2 lameo, Mar 13, 2014
  3. Soaring

    Soaring
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    Same situation here. Honestly, I was reading your post and starting to get hopeful that you were the girl I liked because everything seemed to match up... until about the middle of the first paragraph. Oh well.

    Anyways, to me it sounds like it might be possible that she could be attracted to girls, but I wouldn't consider telling her about the crush you had on her unless you were sure she was. If I were you, I would ask her personally. If you're worried about seeming suspicious, just try to find a way to do it casually. Like for example, if you're alone together and she says something about having a woman crush or how she would "totally marry" some girl, just try to nonchalantly say something like "Hey, not trying to assume things, but are you bi?" If she says no then just say "Okay, just wondering" and drop the subject. If she says yes then you should decide what you think would be best from there, dropping the subject anyways or continuing the conversation. I would suggest not asking her about her sexuality in front of people, though.

    Also, keep in mind that she might say she's not sure. If she is unsure about it, don't try to push her or pressure her into defining herself too quickly. If she wants to talk about it then go ahead, but if not then just let her figure it out at her own pace. First of all, pressuring people about their sexuality is just bad anyways, and on top of that it might make her uncomfortable, which really wouldn't help get her to like you. You also don't want to end up being some experiment for her, though. Trust me, that sucks.
     
    #3 Soaring, Mar 13, 2014
  4. BrightRedRoses

    BrightRedRoses
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    lameo

    Yeah, I think I probably only have a small amount of hope left hehe. But if I ever told her, I would definitely only do it if I thought I had a little more hope than I do now. Thanks for your reply :slight_smile:

    Soaring

    Thank you for your reply! I never said anything about it, but I always thought she might have been bi or bi-curious. It is possible that she has no idea what she is yet as well, since she's never dated anyone and I don't think she's really had any crushes (besides celebrities, tv characters, or YouTube stars which she has on both guys and girls). I guess it is possible that she does have a crush but I don't know about it, but the chance is slim since I'm pretty sure she would tell me something like that. Also, she doesn't have really any guy friends and doesn't seem to have any interest in them at all. Sorry about my rambling, haha. But anyway, I think I probably will ask her about what she thinks her sexuality is. I'll have to find the right time though :slight_smile:. Honestly, I think I'd feel a lot better if she were bi, bi-curious or she at least didn't know. I think if she ended up being bi then I would probably tell her how I feel. Again, thank you so much for your reply!
     
    #4 BrightRedRoses, Mar 14, 2014
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