Is it right for parents to allow their 8 year old child to dress trans?

8 years olds don't know anything about Trans this or gay that. What you have here are adults worried that THEY'LL ridiculed.
If an 8 year old said they wanted to be a vampire bat when they grow up, everyone would think that was funny. Because they don't know any better. I don't see how it'd any different when a kid wants to wear his Mom's dress.

 

^ What? When did you start noticing other boys?

 

When I was that age, I would feel humiliated by wearing a dress or a skirt. My parents wanted me to do it so I had no choice. It only made me feel bad. I think it shouldn't matter, you can still dress your child in a gender neutral way. No need to have frilly dresses or manly hulk t-shirts.

 

Okay first off, wth is "dressing trans"? lol

Clothes are clothes for one thing, anybody of any gender be they cis or trans should be able to wear what they want. Sure someone (whatever their age) may get ridiculed for wearing clothes that they "shouldn't" in society's eyes, but that's society's problem and people shouldn't have to hide themselves away basically.

Oh and there are people who know their attractions before puberty. It happens. And people can know their true gender at any age too.

Well hiding away as I said certainly won't help acceptance. If we all keep strivin and putting ourselves out there and keep fightin, eventually we should get to a point where trans people are accepted and also the stupid idea of gendering clothes and other stuff will be tossed away too. Well hopefully anyway.

Ummm no, cuz gender isn't about your behaviour. I'm a guy (who happens to be trans) and my behaviour and mannerisms are pretty fem basically, and that's just how I am and I was never pushed to behave a certain way either.

 

I think it is absolutely ok. If their child wants to dress in clothes deemed to be for members of the opposite gender than they should accept that decision and let them try it out. From experience almost no amount of bullying could feel worse than being forced to wear clothes that make you feel uncomfortable (to put it mildly). Yeah they probably will be teased but being forced by their parents to be someone their not is almost always worse. Parents should let their kids be themselves no matter what age they are. There was an awesome story i read somewhere about a dad and his kid who asked if he could wear a skirt that day to school. The dad not only said yes but wore a skirt too when he dropped him off. That is some kick a** parenting right there.

 

I think children whose parents do not allow them to dress in a way that they enjoy and feel comfortable with will seriously resent their parents later on. I strongly believe that there is far more stigma with adults than with young children. COULD it lead to bullying? Possibly. But I feel like being stifled and feeling unsupported and rejected by your PARENTS would be more traumatic to a child.

I went through a (very brief) period when I was very little when I wanted to be referred to by boy's names and treated as male. And I remember the adults in my life not always taking me seriously but I was never bullied by my peers for it. I've never really liked skirts and dresses much except when I was VERY little, before I can even really remember. I was SO frustrated and upset when people would treat me like a girl and assume I had traditionally feminine interests. People would give me frilly clothes and dolls and diaries that I would never use, and I would get upset because I wanted interesting books and model dinosaurs. I remember my first bike which was this sparkly pink thing covered in streamers. I've ALWAYS hated pink, but it was assumed that this was the bike I would want anyways. It made me SO upset as a kid. I wanted things more like what my brother got.

I never recall my parents outright FORCING me to dress more feminine-ly. I've worn jeans and baggy t-shirts most of my life. But if they had consistently forced me into skirts and dresses against my will, I would have started resenting them VERY quickly, and would probably have developed a lot of resentment towards my brother because he was being treated the way I wanted to be, he got what I wanted but was told I couldn't have. I expect it would be the same way for most transgender children. If a child is persistently, INSISTENTLY saying they are the opposite gender for a lengthy time, let them act on it is my opinion.

I honestly think that in the majority of cases, unless young kids are being influenced by their parents' opinions, they'll be fairly accepting. There are many documented cases of transgender children who are very young. There was also a documentary I watched about a boy who, due to an accident while being circumcised, wound up being coercively raised as a girl, BUT ALWAYS IDENTIFIED AS MALE. Even when the parents tried to force him into female appearance/behaviours, he still gravitated towards stereotypically male interests and eventually tried to transition back to male and began living as the boy he was despite his upbringing. He eventually committed suicide and generally had a rough time of things because of this. I don't think policing a child's gender or gender expression is okay. Teaching children tolerance of gender-variant children is important, both in the immediate and the later sense. Suppressing kids from fear of peer rejection isn't the answer in my opinion.

 

No offence, but that question is particularly poorly worded.

You CANNOT 'dress trans'. That is not a thing that can possibly happen, because trans is not a style.

Now think about the question that is actually being asked here. I'll take an example of a genetic male for now. Will call him Joe.

Now let's say Joe and his parents are shopping and he happens to spot a dress in a shop window. Just a plain green sun-dress, nothing too showy. He's not particularly sure what he likes about it, it just looks nice. This is not an unrealistic interaction for a child. Every day children see things that appeal to them for reasons they don't necessarily have the ability to explain.

Now imagine Joe forgets this dress for a while, then another day he spots it again. Perhaps in the shop window, perhaps one of his friends is wearing it at a party. Either way he remembers he likes it.

I have worked with lots of children creative enough to take a concept they like and use it elsewhere. I've seen children watch two classmates playing a game, and I have seen those children emulate the game in their own time. I have seen children hear an idea from another child and the next day they bring you a picture they drew of it. I've known children to get 'creative' with scissors if they can get their hands on them. So let's say our (somewhat ambitious) Joe goes home and cuts a hole in his green pillowcase. Two holes for arms. Joe is 8 years old, I've worked with 4 and 5 year olds that could figure this out.

He puts on his new dress.

Now at this point, Joe isn't thinking to himself "I am dressed like a girl". He isn't thinking about how people will treat him. All Joe is thinking about right now is the fact that he is now happy. He saw that dress in the window and he is wearing something like it. Sure it's not QUITE the same and it looks a bit different, but basically he is standing there in his pillow-case dress.

Now there are two possible ways Joe's life is going to go.

1. Joe discovers he is trans and eventually becomes Josie
2. Joe ISN'T trans

Now imagine for a moment that Joe IS trans. He might not remember this moment fully when he grows up. But what he WILL remember is the moment his mum yelled at him and told him he couldn't wear it. THAT he will remember.

Joe doesn't see anything wrong with what he is wearing. He likes it, and that's about it. I once worked with a boy of 7 who would wear a pair of tights every single day. Why? Because his mum worried he might get cold. Now he wasn't shy about this, he certainly didn't hide it. Some children asked him why he was wearing girls tights, and all he would say is that they are comfy and they make his legs warm! Do you know why the other children started to laugh? Because the teacher laughed at him, and they thought that was how you were supposed to react to that.

As I said, Joe doesn't see anything wrong with what he is wearing. Which means he is not going to accept what parents have to say immediately. Children know when they have done wrong. If a child has done something wrong and you tell them off they react differently to when they have done nothing at all. Joe feels he has done nothing at all. So now mum has to explain to Joe why he can't wear a dress.

"Only GIRLS wear dresses".

And Joe will ask WHY. He will not get an answer, because there is no answer.

THAT he will remember. Because now when Joe thinks about his dress, he will remember how mum told him off. He will remember how mum said everyone would be mean to him. Now Joe is scared of the dress. When he eventually matures enough to realise who he is, Joe will go through the same hell we all went through. Everyone will pick on me. Only girls wear dresses and I'm a boy so I must be some sort of freak. Everyone will hate me. Joe has accepted that who she is, and now goes by Josie.

Yes, people treat her like shit and she hates it. But you know what hurts most of all? What hurts her most of all is that she knows that no matter what mum says now, when she was little mum made her feel so bad about who she is inside. That is hard to forgive. VERY hard.


Now let's assume that Joe actually ISN'T trans. Again, I have known boys to wear dresses to school on dress up days because they thought it was a good idea. They didn't care. Nobody was mean about it because nobody else cared either. It was just another thing that happened. I had longer hair than any member of staff at the school I worked at, and I was also one of only 2 male (at the time) members of staff.

Occasionally you would hear Mr **** is a girl, from one or two children. The rest of them accepted that because that was just me. I should note I was one of the few males (at the time) ANY of these children knew with long hair. It was just 'my hair'. When I wore my hair in pigtails, it was a curiosity for about 5 minutes and then it was just 'my hair' again. They just accepted it because all the adults around them accepted it.

So let's say we let Joe wear a dress and a month...a year...2 years whatever, at some point in the future he picks up a pair of trousers and never touches the dress again.

What has Joe learned from this? That being different is basically fine. That most children will accept you if you are different but basically nice - the exception being bullies but they give EVERYONE a hard time.

Now what if we tell Joe he can't wear a dress. Suddenly we've taught Joe that being different is wrong. And that is EXACTLY what we have taught him because adults so LOVE to divide boys and girls. Now we've told Joe the dress is for girls, and that boys should do girl things just because, think about what we've done.

Boy has long hair. Girl plays football. Boy likes knitting. Boy likes skipping. Girl plays rough and tumble games. I've got a million examples and every single time I have told someone off for making fun of people for those things I have heard "Dad says boys shouldn't..." "Mum says girls don't..." "Grandma said that boys..."

 

I have to agree with what other have said here. We don't "dress trans". That actually makes it sound like it's something that we do for fun..

I personally think that parents should let their child show their expression in whatever way they are comfortable. If they want to dress feminine, then let them dress feminine. The same goes if the child wants to dress masculine.

I feel that by forcing children into gender boxes, it hurts their sense of identity, and it leads to a lot of pain and confusion later on in life, when some have to face the fact that they are not their assigned gender.

 

"dressing trans" makes it sound more like cross-dressing.
But I believe they should let their child experiment, this way come puberty time the child will know for sure, and since the parents let them experiment, they can surely help the child get appropriate hormones, which helps a ton if the child is say a male, and take hormones prior to puberty, essentially blocking puberty all together

 

I think that the child should choose how they want to "present" and what toys they want to play with. Gender norms are soooo stupid. :/

 

The thing I dislike about this idea of "dressing trans" is that it suggests that a person's clothing has gender and reflects their gender identity, which isn't always the case. For example, I picked up this simple yellow dress in a thrift shop one day several months back. I particularly like it, i like the color, I like the way it's very light and breezy because I hate being too hot in the summer time. I hardly wear the dress because I dislike the way it emphasises my body as a natal female. However, I do hope that after some time spent on hormones and post-surgery, I will be secure enough to wear the dress since I will finally look like my inner, more male-aligned gender. Literally the only thing that prevents me from wearing this dress is the social notion that it's "for girls", and despite being born female, my gender is not female, and I am not a girl. If I wear it now, because of its gendered connotations in most people's minds, many people won't take me seriously as a transguy.

But THAT'S a whole 'nother can of worms, and there's probably a lot to question about the way I'm wired...

 

I don't see why letting a child dress however they'd like would be a problem, or why it should be an "issue". Even if the child isn't trans, why is it harmful for them to wear clothing that's marketed to the opposite gender? Seems harmful to place restrictions on how children want to express themselves rather than actually letting them be.

 

I think it's fine.

 

Well my own experience with this is i was born and raised female, (dresses,dolls,pink everything,around mostly female friends and family members). When i was about five i wanted to cut my hair and pick my own clothes but was told i wasn't allowed because i would be bullied, now had this just been a phase i would have probably just got over it but because it wasn't i felt i was being told i wasn't allowed to be me and that is was bad for me to feel the way i did (at this time i knew the difference between male and female but didn't believe it applied to me i still thought i was going to grow into a man anyway i thought my penis just hadn't grown yet) so i felt that the only reason i looked like a girl was because of my long hair and dresses and thought that if i changed that then i would start to turn into a boy so when i was told i couldn't change how i looked i thought it was because my mom just wanted me to be a girl so i felt bad for feeling how i did because i didn't want to upset my mom. I became my own bully and unknowingly my mom did too. Had i been allowed to express myself i probably would have been bullied by peers but i would have been able to go home and be supported by my mom and be encouraged to be myself regardless of who had a problem with it , because it didn't happen that way i felt alot of shame for feeling how i did and felt like i couldn't be the daughter my mom wanted so i learned to fake it and my self esteem suffered and i became withdrawn, had i just been allowed to be myself i think i would have had a much happier childhood and wouldn't feel so much shame about being transgender now. So i don't think how a child is raised can change their gender identity being raised very girly didn't change mine from male it just made me feel very guilty and ashamed that it wasn't female.

 

In my years of "crossdressing", I have learned 2 things.

Anything made of cloth is clothes.
Clothes are clothes regardless of the gender/sex of the person wearing them. There really isn't so much of a thing as "girl's clothes" and "boy's clothes" because they're made of the same stuff. It's not like you get an electric shock if you DARE try on panties if you're a guy or loose jeans if you're a girl.

 

It should be up to the child. If they want to wear girls clothes or boys clothes then so be it. It may or may not be a phase, but if it makes them happy and comfortable with who they are, then society can suck it.

When I was little I never dressed as "trans". I dressed the way I felt was the most comfortable to me, and that was boys clothes. I'd cry and throw a temper tantrum when I had to wear anything remotely girly. Did I know I was a boy in a girl's body? No. In fact I thought I was a weird girl who really wanted to be a boy.

So long story short, listen to the child and let them express themselves the way they want.

 

I think it's a very difficult question. In an ideal world it wouldn't be an issue but we live far from an ideal world (although it seems to be changing for the better more and more each day).

I think parents should let children wear whatever they want, regardless of their sex or gender, around the home. It does become more problematic to allow an 8 year old child to wear clothes that are stereotypically meant for those who are the opposite of their biological gender in public or at school.

If the parents are inclined to acquiesce to their child's desires (and good on them if that's the case but it would still be a very difficult process for parents even for those who we might describe as "liberal") then every effort should be made by them to try and make the experience as enjoyable as possible for the child e.g. if the child wants to attend school in clothes that are nominally meant for the opposite gender then the parents should speak to the child's school principal and teachers as well as attempting to explain to their kid that they might experience some teasing from some of the other kids and that they should try to ignore any teasing (if there is any) and play with the kids who don't seem to care.

Even then the child needs to be made aware that if the playground isn't segregated into year groups (sorry I'm from Australia so I'm not sure how primary - Kindergarten to Yr6 are all one school generally down under - schools operate in other countries) then older kids might seek to tease or bully them.

Optimally the ideal scenario would be that the parents totally support their child and try to bring those who are entrusted with their child's care into the discussion.

I don't think there is a simple answer to the question though regardless of the loving intentions of any parent who may support their child's choice. Especially if that choice is one that might make it hard for the kid to interact with those outside the family unit.

That being said I would totally love it if this wasn't an issue in the near future but it's naive to think that it won't be an issue for some time to come unfortunately.