Linco, I looked forward to a time when I can be like that - casually open about my girlfriend, etc- all the time. At church, I officially came out to a handful of people last summer. Since then, I have just brought my gf to church with me occasionally and I've talked about her. So everyone else there can figure it out if they've haven't already heard from someone else. I'm not totally out to my family and the closet is a real barrier to my relationships. I think it's time to have the conversation - so we can at least have a chance at a real, authentic, and complete relationship with everyone I love.
Hope - I agree that coming out to the people you love is necessary to have a complete and authentic relationship. Linco - I also agree with you about just working it into a conversation like any straight person would. You don't need to formally come out to everyone you meet. Coming out to family and close friends is important though so you don't have to hide your true self from those you love. Coming out is a long process and requires a lot of self acceptance and love of yourself. It takes time and work, but once it's done you will feel so much better about yourself and start to see your old self come back little by little. I'm still in the process myself, I have told a close friend and my boyfriend. I don't feel like it's time for me to tell my family yet because I don't have a girlfriend and I will be exploring that possibility soon. I plan to go to a gay bar with my friend I came out to to see how it makes me feel and if it really is what I want. Although I am fairly certain I would feel happier and have a more complete relationship with a woman I'm not completely sure if it will be what i'm expecting. Although i'm not sexually attracted to my boyfriend we do still have pretty good sex, we improvise. We have an amazing and unique relationship and he accepts me fully the way I am.
Yep, this is me. Very troubling considering my whole "coming out plan" relies on my parents straight up asking me if I'm gay. Probably not going to happen even if they suspect it, which I'm sure they've at least considered. =/ Also me. I'm fortunate that I can put this out of mind when I'm working or doing something that requires some concentration, but when I'm not doing anything in particular or just hanging around home this has been on my mind constantly for the past few months. It's really, really frustrating that I know exactly what I need to do to move on and be happier but I can't get myself to just do it. I'm going to respectfully disagree -- I think the opposite is true. I'm always so happy when I see younger people make a post saying they plan on coming out the next day and then less than 24 hours later follow it up with a success story. Getting it out of the way when it first comes to the forefront makes everything so much easier. I know I feel pretty ancient sometimes because how far behind I am compared to people more than ten years younger than me. At this point I've built coming out to my family to be such a huge event that it's hard to imagine that I'll ever try to overcome that barrier. That's a depressing though, but I honestly feel like it might never happen if my parents don't take the initiative on their own.
Yes! I know exactly how you feel. Everywhere I go, I'm watching the girls there and anticipating their opinions of me. When I'm close to a girl, I push her away for fear of liking her. I don't let ANYONE close to me in general because I have lesbian parents. Honestly, being secretive about these things has made me feel nearly insane.
Hey Bluebird, I relate to what you said pretty much completely. The way I'm currently looking at it is that I don't see ever having a relationship so does it really matter to come out? The only point I can see for coming out to family is to support younger relatives if any of them end up being gay. If I come out it would have to be in front of everyone so they can all hear it at once otherwise the response would be something like don't tell any of the kids about this. If they know I'm gay hopefully they would feel more comfortable coming out and at least they'd know they have my support even if others in our family don't. No one in my extended family has ever come out that I'm aware of. Other than that, it feels pointless to bring it up for me. I wish all the best for you!
I can so relate to what you have said. I've spent most of my life wearing a mask. Showing people only what I wanted them to see. It was terribly confining and scary. I always wondered when someone would see through my mask. Coming out was one of the scariest but most freeing things I have ever done! I can be just me. The way I want to be. It feels great!
Coming out of the closet has not been the experience I was expecting. I was hoping that I would feel liberated and that a huge weight on my shoulders would be lifted. Instead, the more I thought about coming out the more anxious and scared I became. I did not fully grasp all of the family and cultural chains that had been tied around me which kept me deep inside the closet. Since I have come out to my wife, children, and gay friends I feel lonely. I feel I have disappointed my family and feel distant from them. When I go to dinner or places with my gay friends I still don't feel I fit in. The shame of being gay has been with me for so long I fear it will never go away. My therapist and all my gay friends tell me that it will get better. They say I am still sad and grieving the life I knew. That my life will be happier as an authentic gay man and my wife will be happier without a gay husband and my kids will accept me for who I am. I don't know what the future will hand me, but I know I was a much more optimistic person when I was deep in the comfort of the closet. At this very moment I am sad, pessimistic, and fearful. I hope and pray that in the near future I will be able to write that life is grand and that I made the right decision coming out.
Beachbum, My partial coming out last year did lift a weight from my shoulders (for a few weeks), but then I got stuck with family issues and I can relate to what you are saying. I don't yet feel I completely fit with the gay world, but also have felt like a loose screw in the heterosexual world as well. I think it just takes time. I can have better conversations and feel more comfortable with my gay friends, but as the same time part of me is still on the lookout for why this isn't right. I think we have all thrown up large emotional walls to help protect us while we were in the closet, and it takes time to tear them down. Al
