Does a relationship need Sex?

She may not be right for you, but it depends.

An asexual is someone who just doesn't feel sexual attraction for anybody.

Some asexuals DO compromise and have sex with their partners, but it doesn't change their sexuality either. If you're just looking for sex to scratch a physical itch, compromises do work with some asexuals. But if It's linked to emotional bonding and attraction to one another, you may be disappointed. Because even though asexuals may have sex, It's not much different than a gay person sleeping with the opposite sex for various reasons. In both situations, they may be doing it for compromise, and they may even enjoy the sex on a physical level, but there's a lack of real attraction to the other partner. They may have strong romantic interest in you- as various asexuals are romantic, but for them love and sex are not linked and they can't ever feel a sexual attraction to you, regardless if they sleep with you or not. Some asexuals even have high sex drives, but not directed toward people.

That's the difference between asexuals and normal sexuals. For example, I have a very low interest in sex to the point I could live without it for the rest of my life. I'm not very interested in having sex with any partner I could have either. But if I do get aroused, I think women are sexy, I can imagine sleeping with them, and if I do sleep with them, I'm very sexually interested in the person. That's what makes me a normal sexual, despite not having an interest in sex.

So you just need to decide if a compromise can work, or if It'll be a dealbreaker.

I also want to add that some people who have been in relationships for a long time without ever sleeping with their partner, may not be asexual but instead may have trust issues. I promised myself I would never sleep with anyone unless we've been together for two years and I feel like I can trust them. But with the duration you've been in....yeah, that's a really long time.

 

It's ok hun! Roomie like this forum quite a bit: Asexual Visibility and Education Network

 

I don't think sex is mandatory in a relationship, honestly. If you really care about each other, I think that's what matters - not that you've had sex.

 

i'm in the same predicament. I want sex but she is no longer interested. i believe you can be very happy and have a great relationship without sex. But sometimes you just need it.

Discuss with your partner, you need to let them know that you want to have sex. it shouldn't be one way. If you want sex you don't want to be the person that goes elsewhere to get it, because thats not right unless you've discussed something like that.

Good luck. i'm sorry i don't have any wise words for you. i'm looking for the same advice.

 

Who needs sex!! XD I'm a proud virgin that has not even had a first kiss..And, I am almost 20 years old!! Lols, you don't need sex to have something healthy......

 

The accommodations in you're relationship sound lopsided to me. I understand she has no desire to have sex, but that shouldn't mean the scales are entirely tipped in her favor and you just have to go without. You're not even getting the one thing you asked for in your compromise, which was to make out once a freaking month. That's just not fair.

We all do thinks we're not very enthusiastic about, like school, work, etc. If she loves you, she should be able to give you the intimacy you crave once in a while. After all, closet cases sometimes marry and have sex with someone they're not attracted to for the rest of your life. Lack of interest in sex does NOT mean incapable of sex. If you want this relationship to last, compromise mass to mean she's actually trying to meet you somewhere in the middle, which it doesn't sound too me like she's trying to do.

Also, you might consider (maybe even prepare yourself for the possibility) that although you may be quite in love, you may just not be compatible. Your first relationship always feels like true love, like you found your soul mate, but that's not usually the case. Consider that if you can be this happy with someone and have zero sexual chemistry, imagine how happy you could be when you add that extra spark, that feeling you get when you're intimate with the one you love, when their touch is like electricity and sets your body on fire. It's incredible, the most wonderful experience to share with someone who means a lot to you, and anyone who wants that experience should be able to have it.

Good luck!

 

Yes it does :icon_bigg

 

To be honest, I partially disagree with this. Although I understand that It's unfair when someone wants sex and someone else doesn't, no always trumps yes. The person who doesn't want sex should always be put first in my eyes.

If a person wants sex and is forced to go without, the worst they suffer from is withdrawal and sexual frustration. If a person doesn't want sex and is forced to compromise, they go through far worse emotional damage, and in some cases this can legally be considered rape, even if they agree to it.

It depends on if this girl is willing to compromise though. If she doesn't want sex, but is willing to make her girlfriend happy, this is completely fine and everyone can get their needs met this way! But if she can't compromise, then I think she should be left alone. Giving the advice that someone has to do something they don't like because "It's a part of life" is dangerous and promotes rape culture, so I would watch out with that. Sex is different from work/school/paying the bills; it's incredibly emotional and intimate. Consent is needed for sex far more than for any activity out there; it can be emotionally damaging if someone does it without truly wanting it or feeling ready.

Plus, if this girl has never had sex before, she could be scared or not ready, and she needs to reach that milestone in her own time and terms.

I'm not saying that It's fair or okay for a person who needs sex to stay deprived. Not at all. If you have needs, you need to get those needs met. However, once you realized that your partner doesn't want to have sex with you; you have three options:

1. Get over it.

2. Ask if you can sleep with other people.

3. Leave the relationship.

And I think this girl would be better off if she left the relationship.

 

Perhaps the message I was trying to get across was muddled, for which I apologize. This (above) is actually what I was saying. I was not in any way promoting "rape culture," I was simply saying that the compromise the OP described sounds terribly one-sided and that, if the girlfriend is able, she could definitely meet the OP closer to the middle. Especially where love is concerned, many of us are willing and eager to go to great lengths to ensure the happiness of our partners. If she's unwilling to do that, then yes, she should be left alone.

My response was based mostly on my own experience and basic logic. There have been times when my boyfriend wanted to have sex and even though I wasn't "in the mood," I had sex with him because I want to please him. And by the time we're into the foreplay, I'm usually totally on board anyway. My point was that everyone does things they may not be all that into doing; if the girlfriend is able to strike up a more balanced compromise, then both parties would win. Obviously sex is different from work, school, and paying the bills, but in principle I think there could be a (very loose) comparison.

I also agree that--and said something similar to--the OP maybe being "better off if she left the relationship." Like I said before, first relationships have a way of feeling like "the" relationship, and the idea of ending a relationship with no serious problems can be daunting. But it sounds to me like the OP needs some level of physical intimacy, so if she's unable to get that from her current girlfriend, odds are there's a girl out there with whom she could fall in love and have a sexually expressive relationship.

I apologize for being unclear.

 

Alright, I agree with you now, no worries

Yeah, I do think she's better off elsewhere. She even said the girl was asexual. I know there could still be compromises with someone like this, but I'd think it would be hard doing it with someone who isn't even sexually attracted to you.

 

I'd need sex if I was in a long term relationship, but if both parties aren't interested in sex, I don't see why they would need to have it.

 

I sure hope a relationship could survive without it. o.o But I guess it is difficult when one person wants it and the other doesn't.

 

Two asexual people can have a non-sexual relationship, however, it sounds like you need things that she can't give you.

 

You could try and reach a compromise about be careful not to pressure her into one also she sounds kinda firm on where she stands which as an asexual whos not into sex at all I can understand her but I also get that you are a sexual person and as hard as it will be I think if you guys cant reach a compromise together it might be better for both parties to not be together.