I just wondered if being a "bottom" i.e. Submissive is a role chosen by those who are less comfortable with their sexuality? Because I'm definitely submissive and would rather someone I like made the first move on me instead of expecting me to do it! but this approach keeps on costing me the ones I really want, Yet ironically that is one of the reasons why I love them, because we share similar hang ups about our sexuality! my heart goes out to them for struggling with it for so long! just like me.... Yet they may end up sleeping with somebody else... :-(
Bottom ≠ Submissive, Top ≠ Dominant. Submissive/Dominant falls into BDSM and is not relevant to the position in bed that you prefer. You can easily be a dominant bottom with a submissive top. The position or role you choose to take may reflect how you feel psychologically, but it also has to do with what you'd like to get from a sexual encounter and what makes you feel good. I'm a bottom because I like the feeling. Also, being a bottom doesn't necessarily mean "lie on your back and let your partner do the work". You're still a bottom if your partner is lying on his/her back while you're the one being penetrated, but you're simply taking on a more active role and switching things around a little.
I am a bottom/ submissive person in a relationship, however. I am completely comfortable with my sexuality. For me it's more of a turn in when the other person takes control and makes the first move. In every relationship I've been in I've always just fell into the submissive role, I've gotten used to it and actually prefer it.
There's a difference between tops/bottoms and dominance/submission.... A top is someone who penetrates, and a bottom is someone who is penetrated. It generally only refers to gay men, but as a lesbian, I consider myself a submissive top because I'm into strap-on play, and I don't like to receive it. At the same time I prefer to be the shy/submissive one and have the "bottom" dominate me. I don't know if submissiveness is a part of not accepting your sexuality though....I think It's just a preference thing. Remember, straight couples can be dominant/submissive too
